LONG POST AHEAD!! I've divided it into sections...so read what you want or fuck off.
Day one at hospital, patient care:
I did NOT have a good first day at the hospital. We had to follow a patient from admitting, through their surgery, as they wake up, and when their discharged...and me being shy and anxiety ridden, my mind went absolutely blank when I saw the patient. I was like a fucking 2nd grader in the lunch room at a new school. I tried to think of something to talk about but whenever I would bring something up, the patient would just give 1 word answers. So I felt like even more of a social moron. I didn't want to touch her because I was afraid I would hurt her or do something to fuck up the vital signs monitor, althought I did put my hand on her a few times, but I felt like I was making her nervous because I was so nervous. And I felt like everything I said sounded insincere.
Scrubbing and the other student:
I did not "scrub in" today, I just basically sat back and watched the people do their work. The other girl I car pool with from school (Shawn) .... I watched her on a case and they had her doing EVERYTHING! It looked like she was working there for months. I don't fucking get it. She is much more outgoing than me...and its really fucking annoying when our intructor is talking to both of us and for example...says "Whats your names?" and she says "Shawn..and this is Lauren"...like I can't fucking answer for myself. Whenever me and her are together and someone is talking to us, she ALWAYS answers first and I just stand there and laugh uncomfortably like a fucking idiot. She treats me like a kid. I've been trying to answer more...but I cannot have an outgoing personality...its not me ....I've never been like that..I can't just fucking change it. I need time to adapt and feel comfortable and sometimes people who are teaching you don't understand that. They pass judgement on you because you are quiet. I also got scolded for having "exposed tattoos"...like that fucking matters...I'm wearing a gown and the damn patient is asleep on the fucking table. The peircings...ok fine, I get it..you don't want it falling off into the patient...but the tattoos??????? What year is this? I think tattoos have become more socially acceptable in the last 5 years, so what the fucking fuck? I can't peel my skin off.
Back pain:
I've been having neck/back/joint pain since March of 2000(car accident and subsequently 4 additional car accidents since the first one). I've had digestive problems since I was 21 (weight gain, heartburn, bloating, diarrhea, constipation, gas, cramping, bad taste in my mouth..you name it, but no formal diagnosis) I started having headaches and more joint pain in March of 2006. I was "diagnosed" with a pituitary cyst in August 2007...but was told that they won't do surgery on me because the risk of hitting my pituitary gland and giving me hormonal problems is too great...and "most" patients with this kind of cyst don't get headaches or have the problems that I do. I've had blood tests; all normal. X-rays, CT scans, MRI's, EMG's...all normal. There has been minor relief for my neck/back pain...no relief for the headaches. I got relief from the neck/back by going to chiropractic and accupuncture 2 or 3 times a week..but that is very time consuming and expensive despite insurance. Right now, I cannot afford to keep up with my physical therapies to relieve the pain...so I am fucked. I feel like a fucking 80 year old woman...and nobody believes me. They all say "OH YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO BE HAVING ALL THAT PAIN!!" or as my mother says "You just need to eat better and work out!". But alas...I'm too fucking lazy to actually TRY to work out or eat better....and I remember a time when I DID work out and it only reduced the pain minimally, but made me hungrier, so I fucking ate more. I don't know how I'm going to be able to do this full time if I'm already in pain after 1 fucking day of just standing around. If my back goes out from lifting a patient, I'm fucked.
I'm at a loss here folks. Don't want suggestions unless its a miracle pill...just venting my self pity to anyone who'll listen.
Day one at hospital, patient care:
I did NOT have a good first day at the hospital. We had to follow a patient from admitting, through their surgery, as they wake up, and when their discharged...and me being shy and anxiety ridden, my mind went absolutely blank when I saw the patient. I was like a fucking 2nd grader in the lunch room at a new school. I tried to think of something to talk about but whenever I would bring something up, the patient would just give 1 word answers. So I felt like even more of a social moron. I didn't want to touch her because I was afraid I would hurt her or do something to fuck up the vital signs monitor, althought I did put my hand on her a few times, but I felt like I was making her nervous because I was so nervous. And I felt like everything I said sounded insincere.
Scrubbing and the other student:
I did not "scrub in" today, I just basically sat back and watched the people do their work. The other girl I car pool with from school (Shawn) .... I watched her on a case and they had her doing EVERYTHING! It looked like she was working there for months. I don't fucking get it. She is much more outgoing than me...and its really fucking annoying when our intructor is talking to both of us and for example...says "Whats your names?" and she says "Shawn..and this is Lauren"...like I can't fucking answer for myself. Whenever me and her are together and someone is talking to us, she ALWAYS answers first and I just stand there and laugh uncomfortably like a fucking idiot. She treats me like a kid. I've been trying to answer more...but I cannot have an outgoing personality...its not me ....I've never been like that..I can't just fucking change it. I need time to adapt and feel comfortable and sometimes people who are teaching you don't understand that. They pass judgement on you because you are quiet. I also got scolded for having "exposed tattoos"...like that fucking matters...I'm wearing a gown and the damn patient is asleep on the fucking table. The peircings...ok fine, I get it..you don't want it falling off into the patient...but the tattoos??????? What year is this? I think tattoos have become more socially acceptable in the last 5 years, so what the fucking fuck? I can't peel my skin off.
Back pain:
I've been having neck/back/joint pain since March of 2000(car accident and subsequently 4 additional car accidents since the first one). I've had digestive problems since I was 21 (weight gain, heartburn, bloating, diarrhea, constipation, gas, cramping, bad taste in my mouth..you name it, but no formal diagnosis) I started having headaches and more joint pain in March of 2006. I was "diagnosed" with a pituitary cyst in August 2007...but was told that they won't do surgery on me because the risk of hitting my pituitary gland and giving me hormonal problems is too great...and "most" patients with this kind of cyst don't get headaches or have the problems that I do. I've had blood tests; all normal. X-rays, CT scans, MRI's, EMG's...all normal. There has been minor relief for my neck/back pain...no relief for the headaches. I got relief from the neck/back by going to chiropractic and accupuncture 2 or 3 times a week..but that is very time consuming and expensive despite insurance. Right now, I cannot afford to keep up with my physical therapies to relieve the pain...so I am fucked. I feel like a fucking 80 year old woman...and nobody believes me. They all say "OH YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO BE HAVING ALL THAT PAIN!!" or as my mother says "You just need to eat better and work out!". But alas...I'm too fucking lazy to actually TRY to work out or eat better....and I remember a time when I DID work out and it only reduced the pain minimally, but made me hungrier, so I fucking ate more. I don't know how I'm going to be able to do this full time if I'm already in pain after 1 fucking day of just standing around. If my back goes out from lifting a patient, I'm fucked.
I'm at a loss here folks. Don't want suggestions unless its a miracle pill...just venting my self pity to anyone who'll listen.
i loved your heart tattoo though.
if you can, you should come to the devil doll show as well. :]
I'm sorry you have all of the malaise. Come out to Devil Doll and let's have a complain-o-rama. My pain is all psychic tho...