I am very scared right now. I think I am becoming hollow inside. I dont think im capable of being able to romantically love a man. ever again. when i meet someone i really connect with, i go apeshit and move way too fast, and apparently that scares them away; or if they dont get scared away, then i drive myself insane with thoughts that their cheating on me, or talking behind my back, or using me, or they dont really love me or they dont think im sexy or they want to fuck someone else or their waiting for this someone else to dump their someone else so they can dump me and get into something with that someone else..........BLAH BLAH BLAH....have i driven anyone crazy yet??
So you see, I can never be in love again because either way it goes, whether i act like myself (neurotic) or act cool (like nothing bothers me)....i go insane. i cant win.
so maybe i will feel romantic love for a woman?? im not sure. stranger things have happened. i have a mega crush on miss maya...a romantic crush if you will. which frightens me a bit.
since my lifelong dream of finding a male counterpart to myself is crushed....i am now focusing on my career. if i do not get accepted to school this fall, i will be renting a storage garage and running my car in it. because that will be the last thing this world has shit on for me. love or hobbies/work. i cant have both; only 1. ive known this for a VERY long time that i can't juggle both career and love. damn fates.
So you see, I can never be in love again because either way it goes, whether i act like myself (neurotic) or act cool (like nothing bothers me)....i go insane. i cant win.
so maybe i will feel romantic love for a woman?? im not sure. stranger things have happened. i have a mega crush on miss maya...a romantic crush if you will. which frightens me a bit.
since my lifelong dream of finding a male counterpart to myself is crushed....i am now focusing on my career. if i do not get accepted to school this fall, i will be renting a storage garage and running my car in it. because that will be the last thing this world has shit on for me. love or hobbies/work. i cant have both; only 1. ive known this for a VERY long time that i can't juggle both career and love. damn fates.
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Yeah its a shame love cant be structured like a career can. Cant set goals, learn anything tangible, switch it off at the end of every day if its getting you down or get paid haha. Because of my chosen career I'm not even home 9 days out of the fortnight, so I'm with you on the slightly neurotic part and subsequently had countless relationships just dissolve because of one reason or another...
But given the choice again I'd still choose the path of career over love (at the moment, atleast). As long as the work you choose makes you as happy as you can be without the thoughts of definitely meeting someone, thats all that can be expected.
And according to my new plasma TV, I'll be happy for a little while longer while I wait for Miss Right to drunkenly stumble by