codexwyrm

I was lying in bed tonight with this girl I've been sseeing, tossing, turning. She is a great girl with a nice body, yet there I was, feeling entirely unfulfilled. I had put an ad out on Craig's List earlier that said something like, "I'm looking for a beautiful woman to slowly destroy me." I got a few responses, but one in particular is drop dead gorgeous. As I lie there with Kelly while she slept, I kept imagining this random woman beating me, whipping me, cutting me, yelling at me as I assumed my appropriate subserviant role. The image was so intense that I got up and left, walking home from Queen Anne in a pleasant rain.

I came to realize something about myself: I am finding the traditional notions of relationships tiresome in the extreme. As we begin life, we also begin the proces of dying; I want to do it as creatively and spectacularly as possible. That silliness I engaged in with Shaun last night is just the sort of thing that I need in my life.

It would be so wonderful to know EXACTLY where I stand in a relationship. I love pleasing women more than being pleased, and that would cut around all the bullshit- it would be my sole role. I'll be crushed if this doesn't go anywhere.