cklarock

That kid failed to follow one of the basic tenents of medieval hand-to-hand warfare: when facing a giant penis, keep your shield chin-high. Back in those days, getting nuts on your chin wasn't just a harmless frat-house prank, it could be the difference between life and death!

Below is a page from an illustrated text depicting King Offa of Mercia (757 - 796 CE) leading his Anglo-Saxon "cock-troops" into battle. Offa used the giant penis as not only a feared battlefield weapon, but also a crude form of psychological warfare. Its effectiveness was proven when he unified central England through penis-enabled warfare.



The inscription is hard to read in this low-res scan, but it says (sic):

"Bear thye dyck before thee proudley, O host of kings; let not somme other king raise his dyck hiegher in the eyes of God and Man. Swieng hiegh with thye dyck and place the hedd of thye member abowt thine enemees ear, that he may be given cause to feer thee."