Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
Fact: If you can see Chuck Norris, He can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Fact: Chuck Norris killed Amelia Earhart when he roundhouse kicked someone in the face his foot break the speed of time and kicked Amelia in the face as she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Fact: Chuck Norris punch himself out of his mothers womb and shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Fact: Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer, too bad he never cries.
Fact: The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Fact: Chuck Norris never wears a condom for two reasons. One, they don't fit, and two, "Nobody tells Chuck Norris what to do!"
Fact: Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Fact: The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Fact: Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Fact: Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
Fact: Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Fact: Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
Fact: Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f*cking Indian.
Fact: When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
Fact: Jesus's Birthday isn't December 25 but Chuck Norris once sent him a birthday card for that day, Jesus was too scared to tell Chuck the truth. Thats why we celebrate Christmas
Fact: Chuck Norris invented the internet.
Fact: Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
thanks to aphexplotz for the tip about the site.
i had to fax in that agreement that Missy sent last night, and i made myself a quick little fax cover sheet. in the footer i listed all my contact info, and i put my site in there as well. woot woot! what a feeling!