The nurse who snuck me a jello is here watching me today

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She is the pretty Korean girl who sometimes works across the street from sushi den. "Izakaya." Here in Denver, co

She is sweet. Eat there, then tip her well for being awesome.

I just realized I'm exactly

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like tupac shakur! Sure, I'm white, never been shot, and I can't rap, but basically we're exactly the same!

Wednesday Oct 02, 2013

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Make a pie chart? Fine.

Where is it? I ate it. It tasted like paper. Well paper and printer ink stuff.

Saturday Sep 28, 2013

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Pulled over by the police? Check to see if a camera crew gets out too. If so, it's likely COPS. So go ahead and take off, so this episode is a lot more interesting.

Friday Sep 27, 2013

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Parks need to replace their water fountains with vodka fountains.

This way going to the park is way more fun.

Friday Sep 27, 2013

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If you need to believe in a non existent deity to be a good person, guess what? You aren't a good person. You are just hiding behind something that doesn't exist.

Being a good person makes you a good person. It's pretty simple, really.

Friday Sep 27, 2013

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Bored? Just invite yourself into a conversation.

All you have to do is walk up, and interrupt people with, "HAHA! That totally reminds me of that time I robbed 7-11!"

Thursday Sep 26, 2013

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There is a button on my microwave that says popcorn. I pushed it, it ran for a while, but no popcorn came out.

This microwave sucks!

Wednesday Sep 25, 2013

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It would be scary if onions cried as much as you do when you're cutting them up.

Monday Sep 23, 2013

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Sometimes, i wish i were a better person.

then i think, wait, no i don't. i wish for infinite wishes. Nice try monkey's paw!