i think happiness can be measured by the gap between what you have and what you want. if you have the life you want you're happy eh. so there are two ways to be happy, change your life to increase your happiness or stop wanting impossible shit. i'm starting to get worn out on the former and sliding into the cynicism of the latter.
for a while i thought i had the key in hand, found what i wanted and it was fucking perfect. and then it just fucked itself up somehow.
i keep trying to build on top of the structure of my existing life, add to it, instead of realizing that in order to get to the point i want to be i need to do some foundational remodeling. that's hard to do though, hard to take that risk when there's a lot at stake.
so i'll just drink more vino and wait for spring and opening day.
for a while i thought i had the key in hand, found what i wanted and it was fucking perfect. and then it just fucked itself up somehow.
i keep trying to build on top of the structure of my existing life, add to it, instead of realizing that in order to get to the point i want to be i need to do some foundational remodeling. that's hard to do though, hard to take that risk when there's a lot at stake.
so i'll just drink more vino and wait for spring and opening day.
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Can it really be that happiness is that gap though? If happiness for me was a mansion, and I got it, would I be ultimately happy and just rest on that "laurel" and do nothing else? I think that happiness is best seen in progress, or to lightly remind oneself that it's about the journey, not the destination. Any impossible goal seems impossible at first, but often only because of the many steps needed, or because of flawed perception of the goal that makes it seem desirable. I am happiest knowing I am working towards goals, often small ones, and that I can take pride in progress, in each milestone, and in each new step that can now be worked towards. I've had my shakes and bruises in life, but those make me who I am. I wouldn't be me without them, and I can't naturally be me without remembering them, instead of trying to hide them, forgetting to learn from them.