chiquitabonita

ok. so this entry will be in two parts. the first will be sad, the second, happy. here goes...

my grandmother is sick, has been for some time now. terminal illness sort of thing, there have been so many close calls. she's on a fair amount of morphine and has been quickly declining over the last few days. everybody out there, send thoughts for a quick, painless, clean death. at this point, she just wants to go. she's been waiting. I feel kinda shitty about saying that, but I know that's what she genuinely wants.


I just spent 30 hours in someone's company. and I wish they didn't have to go home. so pornstar guy was up again. for those of you who don't actually know me...I have accelerated relationships. I don't know the why of that, it just happens. most of the time I feel pretty good about it. that way I can say yes, good or no, bad and not spend 5 years or so obsessing over whether or not someone else is happy. I just don't have the time. but...silly grin on again...he tried to fix my fucked up car window and did some minor body work for me (still on the car, you sick fuckers!), gave my baby brother his first driving lesson, sang me Barry White songs, danced with me in the driveway to MY music, let me drive his car without him in it, cuddled me unmercifully, made sweet sweet love to me, fucked me senseless, went out and got me a huge fluffy, fuzzy blanket (I'm always freezing my ass off after september) and then made a leaf pile to jump in. also, rolled me down a hill like a five year old. it rocked. plus, he's nice to me. on purpose. so now I want to keep him.