Oh gee golly I'm bad at posting here, it seems. Probably because I've been bad at posting anywhere the past week or so. I really hate it when school starts 
because I have to do all of this homework and crap. In reality, I need school to fill my time with something other than sporadic drug use and random plans with friends.
Steve left for France yesterday. I think I was probably his last call before he left the country because I called him right before he started to turn his phone off. Fun! It was nice to talk to him and say goodbye and all that. I have these really bizarre posts about him that maybe deserve a little explanation: He's an exboyfriend. Things ended terribly and i always wanted our friendship back but we couldn't really be on speaking terms for a really long time. Things ended in July of 2005 and we sort of attempted to rekindle things in November of 2005 but given that I was unsuccessful in my attempt to leave my boyfriend, it didn't work out. Then from like December-June I was just half-sorta-hung-up-on-him. In June, I had a conversation with our mutual friend about how we really couldn't date again cos it would be a silly idea. and then in August we had a long, drunken conversation at a mutual friends' party. In December of this year, he started reappearing online and we had good conversations that weren't awkward. He asked to hang out sometime and between the time that we actually did hang out, he broke up with the girl he'd been seeing since January. I guess that is insignificant except that I think it cuts down on the awkwardness, at least for me. So we started hanging out. But he left for France a few weeks after we started which is really too bad. Anyway. That's the story.
Life is strange. and this debate tournament is strange. I'm in St. Louis for the weekend. and it's just... i guess.. Interesting, to say the least. First, my exboyfriend who I dated for well over a year is here. Second, the boy I dated after him is here. Third, the girl that boy cheated on me with is here (and being awkwardly cuddly with a certain other boy with a girlfriend on our squad). Fourth, the boy from Illinois that wants me is here. Fifth, the boy from Springfield who likes me is coming here to see me. Oh me-oh my. Fantastic. This awkwardness is offset by my not getting along with the first boy who i told on wednesday that i wasn't attracted to him and didn't want to date him anymore. The second boy wanting me back now and abandoning the girl in the third part of the list. The fourth boy has a girl from springfield here to see him for a few days too. I think he was trying to swing a three. Unfortunately, she's quiet and awkward seeming and his game just really isn't working to pull that. Plus, after being-cheated-on I decided that I really don't like feeling like second place. So if you want to bring another competitor into the game, consider me tapped out. And I'm a lover of double standards these days. So fuck you back.
I broke out in hives last night. For the 5th time in two weeks. Ugggh. I think my body just doesn't know what to do for stress now that I'm on all my anti-crazy pills. Suckage. Though I'm also about 100 percent sure that it has to be stress related and not anything else because I was crazy stressed out last night. Emily was pretty upest and I had to talk her down. I had to deal with the awkwardness of talking to Kyle with the other Jessica here. The hotel our squad is at had a fire alarm. And exboyfriend Joe was like "we should have a physical relationship in lieu of the emotional one you don't want." at 3 am. and that conversation ended with me being like "fuck it! if i have not been a good friend to you since september then why should we try to pursue anything?!" and going to my room. What the hell. So I went to sleep at about 4 and had to wake up just before 8 to pack and get out of the hotel so that rounds could start at 8:30 and i could be there for them. Dammit.
because I have to do all of this homework and crap. In reality, I need school to fill my time with something other than sporadic drug use and random plans with friends.
Steve left for France yesterday. I think I was probably his last call before he left the country because I called him right before he started to turn his phone off. Fun! It was nice to talk to him and say goodbye and all that. I have these really bizarre posts about him that maybe deserve a little explanation: He's an exboyfriend. Things ended terribly and i always wanted our friendship back but we couldn't really be on speaking terms for a really long time. Things ended in July of 2005 and we sort of attempted to rekindle things in November of 2005 but given that I was unsuccessful in my attempt to leave my boyfriend, it didn't work out. Then from like December-June I was just half-sorta-hung-up-on-him. In June, I had a conversation with our mutual friend about how we really couldn't date again cos it would be a silly idea. and then in August we had a long, drunken conversation at a mutual friends' party. In December of this year, he started reappearing online and we had good conversations that weren't awkward. He asked to hang out sometime and between the time that we actually did hang out, he broke up with the girl he'd been seeing since January. I guess that is insignificant except that I think it cuts down on the awkwardness, at least for me. So we started hanging out. But he left for France a few weeks after we started which is really too bad. Anyway. That's the story.
Life is strange. and this debate tournament is strange. I'm in St. Louis for the weekend. and it's just... i guess.. Interesting, to say the least. First, my exboyfriend who I dated for well over a year is here. Second, the boy I dated after him is here. Third, the girl that boy cheated on me with is here (and being awkwardly cuddly with a certain other boy with a girlfriend on our squad). Fourth, the boy from Illinois that wants me is here. Fifth, the boy from Springfield who likes me is coming here to see me. Oh me-oh my. Fantastic. This awkwardness is offset by my not getting along with the first boy who i told on wednesday that i wasn't attracted to him and didn't want to date him anymore. The second boy wanting me back now and abandoning the girl in the third part of the list. The fourth boy has a girl from springfield here to see him for a few days too. I think he was trying to swing a three. Unfortunately, she's quiet and awkward seeming and his game just really isn't working to pull that. Plus, after being-cheated-on I decided that I really don't like feeling like second place. So if you want to bring another competitor into the game, consider me tapped out. And I'm a lover of double standards these days. So fuck you back.
I broke out in hives last night. For the 5th time in two weeks. Ugggh. I think my body just doesn't know what to do for stress now that I'm on all my anti-crazy pills. Suckage. Though I'm also about 100 percent sure that it has to be stress related and not anything else because I was crazy stressed out last night. Emily was pretty upest and I had to talk her down. I had to deal with the awkwardness of talking to Kyle with the other Jessica here. The hotel our squad is at had a fire alarm. And exboyfriend Joe was like "we should have a physical relationship in lieu of the emotional one you don't want." at 3 am. and that conversation ended with me being like "fuck it! if i have not been a good friend to you since september then why should we try to pursue anything?!" and going to my room. What the hell. So I went to sleep at about 4 and had to wake up just before 8 to pack and get out of the hotel so that rounds could start at 8:30 and i could be there for them. Dammit.