Im dwelling, no not dwelling, Im thinking about the past this morning. Dwelling has a negative feel to it and my thoughts arent negative. Let me explain.
I was at the gym this morning and I saw a man that looked EXACTLY like a guy I dated in college. It was the strangest experience to see a face and a body that was so familiar yet a complete stranger at the same time. Seeing this person took me back to the first kiss I received from a guy that was memorable. I was 20, so I had kissed my share of guys at that point, but they all kinda blend into one another, until this one. I wish I had my old journals to go back and relive the moment more accurately, but those have long ago been destroyed.
It was the summer of 1990 and I was home after my second year at IU. He was a sailor from Canada. He raced with a crew that did the yacht race circuit on Lake Michigan. It was the weekend of the Columbia race, Friday night, and he and I, along with the couple that introduced us, had kabobs on the beach. I even remember what I was wearing. Cute capri jeans, white canvas Keds, and a sweatshirt, it was a little chilly that night with the wind coming off the lake. There was a huge party raging at the Yacht Club for the sailors that would be racing the next morning, but we didnt join the party, instead we took a walk on the beach. We were gone for hours, walking, holding hands, talking, and getting to know one another. This was only the second time we had been together. We came to rest on the breakers and watched the sun set. We sat close, our legs brushing against one another, but it was a shy closeness. I have no idea how long we were out there, but as the darkness grew colder we decided it was time to call it a night. He had to race the next day and I needed to drive home. He held my hand on the walk back to my car. We didnt say much, I think we were both absorbing the evening. I know I was wondering when and if I would ever see him again. We got to my car and I turned and told him how much I enjoyed our time together. He looked at me intensely with a shy smile, leaned over, and softly kissed my cheek and told me he would be in touch. With that, I got into my car and drove away, watching him through my rearview mirror as he stood hands in his pockets, watching me drive away. I had never experienced such an innocent kiss that held such intimacy. At that point in my life, I was neck deep in keg parties and drunken boys just trying to get a piece, how amazing to experience a touch of romance from a man (he was 6 years older than I was).
He and I went on to continue our relationship for almost 2 years. We didnt see each other very often. He was at school in Toronto getting his MD and his PhD and I was at school in Bloomington. We saw each other in the summers when he was around racing and he even came to visit me once at IU, but I didnt have the patience for a man who put education and racing before me. I was young and stupid. The last time I saw him was Christmas 1991. He spent the holiday with my family and me. The day after Christmas I drove him to the airport in Indianapolis for his flight back to Toronto. That was the end of our story.
All this because I went to the gym this morning. Ive been flying high the past week or so, as you all have noted by my journals, which are typically riddled with sadness and anger, so it doesnt surprise me that I have come down a bit. My highs dont last that long, but then, neither do my lows.
Have a fantastic weekend my friends. And be good to your moms on Sunday!!
I was at the gym this morning and I saw a man that looked EXACTLY like a guy I dated in college. It was the strangest experience to see a face and a body that was so familiar yet a complete stranger at the same time. Seeing this person took me back to the first kiss I received from a guy that was memorable. I was 20, so I had kissed my share of guys at that point, but they all kinda blend into one another, until this one. I wish I had my old journals to go back and relive the moment more accurately, but those have long ago been destroyed.
It was the summer of 1990 and I was home after my second year at IU. He was a sailor from Canada. He raced with a crew that did the yacht race circuit on Lake Michigan. It was the weekend of the Columbia race, Friday night, and he and I, along with the couple that introduced us, had kabobs on the beach. I even remember what I was wearing. Cute capri jeans, white canvas Keds, and a sweatshirt, it was a little chilly that night with the wind coming off the lake. There was a huge party raging at the Yacht Club for the sailors that would be racing the next morning, but we didnt join the party, instead we took a walk on the beach. We were gone for hours, walking, holding hands, talking, and getting to know one another. This was only the second time we had been together. We came to rest on the breakers and watched the sun set. We sat close, our legs brushing against one another, but it was a shy closeness. I have no idea how long we were out there, but as the darkness grew colder we decided it was time to call it a night. He had to race the next day and I needed to drive home. He held my hand on the walk back to my car. We didnt say much, I think we were both absorbing the evening. I know I was wondering when and if I would ever see him again. We got to my car and I turned and told him how much I enjoyed our time together. He looked at me intensely with a shy smile, leaned over, and softly kissed my cheek and told me he would be in touch. With that, I got into my car and drove away, watching him through my rearview mirror as he stood hands in his pockets, watching me drive away. I had never experienced such an innocent kiss that held such intimacy. At that point in my life, I was neck deep in keg parties and drunken boys just trying to get a piece, how amazing to experience a touch of romance from a man (he was 6 years older than I was).
He and I went on to continue our relationship for almost 2 years. We didnt see each other very often. He was at school in Toronto getting his MD and his PhD and I was at school in Bloomington. We saw each other in the summers when he was around racing and he even came to visit me once at IU, but I didnt have the patience for a man who put education and racing before me. I was young and stupid. The last time I saw him was Christmas 1991. He spent the holiday with my family and me. The day after Christmas I drove him to the airport in Indianapolis for his flight back to Toronto. That was the end of our story.
All this because I went to the gym this morning. Ive been flying high the past week or so, as you all have noted by my journals, which are typically riddled with sadness and anger, so it doesnt surprise me that I have come down a bit. My highs dont last that long, but then, neither do my lows.
Have a fantastic weekend my friends. And be good to your moms on Sunday!!
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happy mother's day to you ya alkie!
i'm yard working today... hedging. weed killing... pruning.
off i go!
XOXOX!
But at least I get to feel it all...instead of the flat line I've been at for years.