In lieu of the recent flap over video game violence and nudity, I have proposed several extremely controversial video games.
1. Socially Acceptable Girlfriend Revolution
This game, set in Japan, has only one clear-cut aim--to get a thirteen year old girl into bed. As you conquer each level, you will be summarily denied sex by a giggling Japanese girl. After you beat the game, you will momentarily believe you are going to bed a young adolescent, but will instead be told: I sorry, you too stinky.
2. Terrorist Network.
Declare jihad against the Western Imperialist Nation of your choice. Create a vast underground of willing suicide bombers. Formulate brain-washing doctrine. Decide what targets will best strike fear into the hearts of the Great Satan. Once you reach level 14, you will be able to purchase dirty bombs from former Soviet republics. Plot your attacks carefully and make sure Homeland Security agents don't infiltrate your indocrination camps.
3. Eating Disorder Trail.
Take four anorexic teenage girls on a cross-country wagon trip from Missouri to Oregon. You can easily subsist on bare-bones rations, but be careful if Stacey develops dysentery or Emili gets bitten by a rattlesnake. Be sure to never caulk the wagon and float it, because expensive hair-care, makeup products, and blow dryers might accidently float away. First one to make it to Oregon alive wins!
4. American Emo
The point of this game is to reveal the tragedy and inherent melancholia behind everyday objects. Those who can do this and insert them into song lyrics win! If you can mix bodily functions, relationship crises, and unrelated non sequiters together you win extra points. Incoherence is okay. Win more points if you cry during your performance. Points are deducted, however, if you sound too much like Bright Eyes.
1. Socially Acceptable Girlfriend Revolution
This game, set in Japan, has only one clear-cut aim--to get a thirteen year old girl into bed. As you conquer each level, you will be summarily denied sex by a giggling Japanese girl. After you beat the game, you will momentarily believe you are going to bed a young adolescent, but will instead be told: I sorry, you too stinky.
2. Terrorist Network.
Declare jihad against the Western Imperialist Nation of your choice. Create a vast underground of willing suicide bombers. Formulate brain-washing doctrine. Decide what targets will best strike fear into the hearts of the Great Satan. Once you reach level 14, you will be able to purchase dirty bombs from former Soviet republics. Plot your attacks carefully and make sure Homeland Security agents don't infiltrate your indocrination camps.
3. Eating Disorder Trail.
Take four anorexic teenage girls on a cross-country wagon trip from Missouri to Oregon. You can easily subsist on bare-bones rations, but be careful if Stacey develops dysentery or Emili gets bitten by a rattlesnake. Be sure to never caulk the wagon and float it, because expensive hair-care, makeup products, and blow dryers might accidently float away. First one to make it to Oregon alive wins!
4. American Emo
The point of this game is to reveal the tragedy and inherent melancholia behind everyday objects. Those who can do this and insert them into song lyrics win! If you can mix bodily functions, relationship crises, and unrelated non sequiters together you win extra points. Incoherence is okay. Win more points if you cry during your performance. Points are deducted, however, if you sound too much like Bright Eyes.