If General George Patton were alive and President of the
USA, this would be his Fireside Speech:
My fellow Americans: As you all know,
the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend
any more money on this war,
our mission Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete
removal of all American forces from Iraq.
This action will be complete within 30 days.
It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists.
One list contains the names of
countries which have stood by our side
during the Iraq conflict.
This list is short:
The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia,
Norway and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list.
Most of the world's nations are on that
list. My press secretary will be distributing
copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately,
foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases -
immediately and indefinitely.
The money saved
during the first year alone will pretty much
pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into
third world hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow
fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine?
Wrestling with an epidemic?
Call France.
In the future, together with Congress,
I will work to cut taxes and solve
some local problems.
On that note,
a word to terrorist organizations.
Screw with us and we will
hunt you down and eliminate you
and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize?
Try France, or maybe China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority.
You, boys. Work out a peace deal now.
Just note that Camp David is closed.
Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations.
They have some great palaces there.
Big tables, too.
I'm ordering the immediate severing
of diplomatic relations with France,
Germany, and Russia.
Thanks for all your help, comrades.
We are retiring from NATO as well.
Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City
to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles
located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets
to sites where those vehicles will be stripped,
shredded and crushed.
I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this.
Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch your precious
Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over
to some of the finest chop shops in the world.
I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors.
Canada is on List 2. Since we are going
to be seeing a lot more of each other,
you folks might want to try not
pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2.
President Fox and his entire corrupt government
really need an attitude adjustment.
I have a
couple of extra tank and infantry
divisions sitting around.
Guess where
I'm gonna put 'em? Yep, border security.
So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, by the way,
the United States is abrogating the NAFTA
treaty starting now.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare
and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism.
I answer them by saying -
darn tootin'!
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a
decent life around the world has only earned us the
undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.
It is time to cut taxes here because we
will not be spending on other peoples problems.
To the nations on List 1,
a final thought.
Thanks guys. We owe you.
To the nations on List 2,
a final thought.
Drop dead.
God Bless America.
Thank you ,
good night.
=============================
ok and now for my real update.
i had lastnight off work
so as useual i get a phone call this morning begging for me to come into work by 8am.
so im like whatever i need whatever extra cash i can get at this point.
so i go into work. i get there and theres cops, and sheriffs all over the main visitors parking lot. seems like some latino dude decided to park his car in there sometime on the night shift's watch. were not sure yet what happened. but my guess was he shot his g/f (i think it was a g/f) and then shot himself. lovely. i got called in cuz of a homicide/suicide on the hospital grounds in which i was no part of. again.
so blah blah blah, whatever. i end up just sitting in the van driving around the property looking for media. cuz we know that sooner or later somethings gona get leaked and passed out. so i ended up giving the NewsChannel4 people a hard time along with some unmarked satelite van.
yay me for being a dick to people i dont know. they werent allowed to film a goddamn thing besides the logo on the hospital. be sure to watch the news in 15 mins. it may be on Channel4 news at 5pm or 6pm. which is in 15 mins from now. so yeah.
all the cool shit always happens when im not at work. but in my favor, thats a good thing, means people dont FUCK WITH ME on my shift. *strokes ego some more* but i woulda loved to be working last night and see this shit.
details are sketchy right now but i think he had used a silenced pistol so no one heard it. they were found inside a car this morning atound 4 or 5am when a nurse coming into work walked past the car and saw all the blood inside.
oh well time to go watch the news and gloat in my efficiency at preventing the news people from filming anything.
USA, this would be his Fireside Speech:
My fellow Americans: As you all know,
the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend
any more money on this war,
our mission Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete
removal of all American forces from Iraq.
This action will be complete within 30 days.
It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists.
One list contains the names of
countries which have stood by our side
during the Iraq conflict.
This list is short:
The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia,
Norway and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list.
Most of the world's nations are on that
list. My press secretary will be distributing
copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately,
foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases -
immediately and indefinitely.
The money saved
during the first year alone will pretty much
pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into
third world hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow
fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine?
Wrestling with an epidemic?
Call France.
In the future, together with Congress,
I will work to cut taxes and solve
some local problems.
On that note,
a word to terrorist organizations.
Screw with us and we will
hunt you down and eliminate you
and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize?
Try France, or maybe China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority.
You, boys. Work out a peace deal now.
Just note that Camp David is closed.
Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations.
They have some great palaces there.
Big tables, too.
I'm ordering the immediate severing
of diplomatic relations with France,
Germany, and Russia.
Thanks for all your help, comrades.
We are retiring from NATO as well.
Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City
to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles
located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets
to sites where those vehicles will be stripped,
shredded and crushed.
I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this.
Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch your precious
Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over
to some of the finest chop shops in the world.
I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors.
Canada is on List 2. Since we are going
to be seeing a lot more of each other,
you folks might want to try not
pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2.
President Fox and his entire corrupt government
really need an attitude adjustment.
I have a
couple of extra tank and infantry
divisions sitting around.
Guess where
I'm gonna put 'em? Yep, border security.
So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, by the way,
the United States is abrogating the NAFTA
treaty starting now.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare
and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism.
I answer them by saying -
darn tootin'!
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a
decent life around the world has only earned us the
undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.
It is time to cut taxes here because we
will not be spending on other peoples problems.
To the nations on List 1,
a final thought.
Thanks guys. We owe you.
To the nations on List 2,
a final thought.
Drop dead.
God Bless America.
Thank you ,
good night.
=============================
ok and now for my real update.
i had lastnight off work
so as useual i get a phone call this morning begging for me to come into work by 8am.
so im like whatever i need whatever extra cash i can get at this point.
so i go into work. i get there and theres cops, and sheriffs all over the main visitors parking lot. seems like some latino dude decided to park his car in there sometime on the night shift's watch. were not sure yet what happened. but my guess was he shot his g/f (i think it was a g/f) and then shot himself. lovely. i got called in cuz of a homicide/suicide on the hospital grounds in which i was no part of.
again.
so blah blah blah, whatever. i end up just sitting in the van driving around the property looking for media. cuz we know that sooner or later somethings gona get leaked and passed out. so i ended up giving the NewsChannel4 people a hard time along with some unmarked satelite van.
yay me for being a dick to people i dont know. they werent allowed to film a goddamn thing besides the logo on the hospital. be sure to watch the news in 15 mins. it may be on Channel4 news at 5pm or 6pm. which is in 15 mins from now. so yeah.
all the cool shit always happens when im not at work. but in my favor, thats a good thing, means people dont FUCK WITH ME on my shift.
*strokes ego some more* but i woulda loved to be working last night and see this shit.
details are sketchy right now but i think he had used a silenced pistol so no one heard it. they were found inside a car this morning atound 4 or 5am when a nurse coming into work walked past the car and saw all the blood inside.
oh well time to go watch the news and gloat in my efficiency at preventing the news people from filming anything.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
this is the 3rd name i've had. keep up!