Do you ever find yourself wishing that you lived in a secretive, totalitarian regime run by the megalomaniacal Heir Commissar Burgermeister MeisterBruiser? Cmon, you know you secretly do.
Under Heir Commissar Burgermeister MeisterBruisers reign, stupid drivers will be punished. For example, Anyone caught parking in front of a stop sign at an intersection in the middle of a narrow two lane road will be tied to the ground in the middle of the desert so buzzards, jackals and fire ants may pick their bones.
In Heir Commissar Burgermeister MeisterBruisers America, people caught wearing dirty ass sweatpants in public, with the exception of people who are working out at the time, shall be sent to Wal Mart, which will have since become a Work Camp and Charm School. The visual oxymoron of baggy bondage pants shall be handled in a similar manner under Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruisers icy, watchful gaze, except that violators will be forced to live in a box and act as minister of Dont be That Guy You Nu-Metal Dipstick, Larry King's personal sex gimp.
In Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruisers Glorious and Progressive State of Progressive Gloriousness, members of Dashboard Confessional and anyone else who tries to get laid by playing an acoustic guitar poorly and whining about how lonely they are or how much some chick hurt them shall be forced to eat their own gonads, and then fed to Minster of Geetar Lemmy Kilminster.
When a stranger insists on sitting next to Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruiser, or any of Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruisers loyal subjects in an otherwise empty theatre, classroom, bus or any other public area in which people sit, the victim shall have the right to flog the violator with a piece of rebar no thinner than their thumb, and no thicker than their wrist, unless the violator is attractive, single, witty and has good taste in music.
And finally, when Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruisers military record is questioned by the media, Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruisers minister of information will not release a paper in Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruisers defense which contains a quote from Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruisers commanding officer stating that he never once saw Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruiser on base, and indicates that Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruiser was conspicuously absent between March and October of 1972. Instead, Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruisers secret police would simply have any dissent silenced, and the Ministry of Shut the Fuck Up You Goddamn Peons would erect a statue of the glorious Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruiser dressed as a Sea Captain or Conquistador, because Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruiser is nothing, if not a wily bastard.
Under Heir Commissar Burgermeister MeisterBruisers reign, stupid drivers will be punished. For example, Anyone caught parking in front of a stop sign at an intersection in the middle of a narrow two lane road will be tied to the ground in the middle of the desert so buzzards, jackals and fire ants may pick their bones.
In Heir Commissar Burgermeister MeisterBruisers America, people caught wearing dirty ass sweatpants in public, with the exception of people who are working out at the time, shall be sent to Wal Mart, which will have since become a Work Camp and Charm School. The visual oxymoron of baggy bondage pants shall be handled in a similar manner under Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruisers icy, watchful gaze, except that violators will be forced to live in a box and act as minister of Dont be That Guy You Nu-Metal Dipstick, Larry King's personal sex gimp.
In Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruisers Glorious and Progressive State of Progressive Gloriousness, members of Dashboard Confessional and anyone else who tries to get laid by playing an acoustic guitar poorly and whining about how lonely they are or how much some chick hurt them shall be forced to eat their own gonads, and then fed to Minster of Geetar Lemmy Kilminster.
When a stranger insists on sitting next to Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruiser, or any of Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruisers loyal subjects in an otherwise empty theatre, classroom, bus or any other public area in which people sit, the victim shall have the right to flog the violator with a piece of rebar no thinner than their thumb, and no thicker than their wrist, unless the violator is attractive, single, witty and has good taste in music.
And finally, when Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruisers military record is questioned by the media, Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruisers minister of information will not release a paper in Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruisers defense which contains a quote from Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruisers commanding officer stating that he never once saw Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruiser on base, and indicates that Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruiser was conspicuously absent between March and October of 1972. Instead, Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruisers secret police would simply have any dissent silenced, and the Ministry of Shut the Fuck Up You Goddamn Peons would erect a statue of the glorious Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruiser dressed as a Sea Captain or Conquistador, because Heir Commissar Burgermeister Meister Bruiser is nothing, if not a wily bastard.
what do you say. you. me. world domination?
Sounds good to me.