Sometimes I really love people. But, on most days it seems like I cannot come to full terms with this duality cultivating within; strong emotions of guilt line my conscience while I toil day to day inside this carefully vexed, steel-wrought nature. One half of the Twix candy bar lives in complete affection for humanity, while the other equally chocolaty side focuses only on the negative qualities of humanity. To date, I have been unable to propose a solution to this most seemingly precarious situation.
I can see the side of beauty as well as the depths of stagnation; the radical transformation from innocent babe to mature parasite are inextricably connected, sending electrical impulses to my brain to be digested. I shake my head from side to side to see if I can break the impulse to claw my eyes in some vain attempt to remove the thought from my troubled mind. Some days, the sound of a lion ripping apart its prey as it screams in final agony seems dull and hollow compared to the plea of a forsaken stranger caught in the clutches of a man in a black uniform performing his duty on the streets. On other days, I gaze at nothing of interest and question the logic behind the indifference of the average consumerist zombie saving for that over-sized home with the picket fence.
It appears to me, that most do not perceive the many layers of choices which exist in this world; each citizen properly oriented in the same direction headed for no place of importance, right on cue and in tandem with the gravity of complacency. I recognize the fact that I do not wish to change the world around me, I merely wish to know myself and find a reason to escape the conflicting thoughts I announce. I know I only exist to be pure in nature --an egoist by all accounts of the definition, without a desire to receive in return no more than I deserve for my efforts. And still, this has proven to not be enough. I have challenged myself to brave the wild, to test my spirit and resolve against the bounty of the outdoors. In the most remote mountaintop, I sit and ponder life as I have come to know it, and in silence I seek out a new direction.