brds8myface

so i found two songs on the internet 1. I'm on fire (sung by J. Cash) and 2. I drove all night (sung by R. Orbinson) and all i can say is wow. When I was little and Springsting would sing " I'm on fire", it is like i understood desire. But, I was so young. I knew I was understanding something I didn't understand. I was feeling something I didn't know how to feel. Also when bruce was singing it, i felt like something was missing. I don't know how to explain..it is like saying "yea those worlds but with more feeling, more lust, more sad" of course at the time i didn't have the vocab but i knew something was off..well i found this version and it is perfect. Johnny just gets it!!! Weird how feeling now what i felt then and understanding what the feeling is just not why i am feeling it.
Now, with "I drove all night"..i want to feel that way, I want someone to feel that way for me. Thing is when people do feel that way for me, I don't believe them! Isn't that horrible to not believe someone's feelings for you..because you feel undeserving or you don't understand how someone could feel so strongly for you? Can you imagine invalidated someone's feelings like that? I do it all the time. I see someone i care for in pain and that I know I can handle. They could hand me their pain and i would take it all for them I would do anything for others not to hurt, but if they hand me their love i don't know what to do with it.
I know that the deeper my journals get the more boring they seem and I apologize.
I wish you were online to 'just chat' with me