GOD SAVE MY SOUL. PLEASE!!!!! I AM BEGGING YOU! IF YOU EXIST, INTERVENE!!!!
I think Audrey will be another psycho. You see, when I talk to a girl there are certain...clues that tip me off that I somehow always ignore. When the clue tips me off, a string quartet emerges in my head and plays a shrill three note number that only shows up in horror movies and can only be described as:
"Duh-nuhhhh-nuhhhhh"
Excerpts from tonight's convo:
"God I can't stop blowing my nose." -Audrey
"Aw, are you sick?" -Me
"Yeah, but this is weird...I mean I'm not even doing any drugs right now." -Audrey
*DUH-NUHHHH-NUHHHHH!*
"Um...DRUGS? Well...what kind of drugs?" -Me
"I snort coke." -Audrey
"How often?" -Me
"Oh...two times a morning. Don't worry I haven't done it in like a week." -Audrey
"A week???" -Me
"So are the walls at your place thin?" -Audrey
"Yeah, i'd say so. Why?" -Me
"Well, I just didn't know if the noise we'll make when I come over will be a problem" -Audrey
"Uhhhhh...(but we haven't even met yet?)" -Me
"I've had a few one night stands with men before." -Audrey
"Oh yeah, it seems every lesbian has a dark past. When was the last time you did it?" -Me
"Uh, like six months ago." -Audrey
"But...I thought you said you find men repulsive?" -Me
"I do." -Audrey
"You still have sex with them even though you find them gross?" -Me
"Well...yeah sometimes. But i'm totally gay." -Audrey
"I like to go to the used bookstore sometime and check out lesbian pulp fiction. What about you?" -Me
"I...don't read." -Audrey
"That's a shame. Writing is my passion." -Me
"I had an English major girlfriend one time...she was, like, deep all the time and shit. I didn't get it." -Audrey
"What do you think about girls?" -Me
"A girl has to be REALLY hot for me to even like her. Or else I just don't. And I tell them to get out of my house. I don't waste my time with girls that don't look good." -Audrey
So i'm listening to "Junk of the Hearts" by The Cardigans:
We never chose to part
in this stupid play
I never felt by heart
that I could behave
the way the roles were made
I know that i've done you wrong
but you're hard to please when your faith is gone
and when you can't believe,
I'm on my hands and knees.
The junk of the hearts, The junk of the hearts
I've given all of me
And you crave for more.
Weird how this makes us feel
insecure
that's what friends are for.
I will strike at something soon, and I don't know what, but this is really rising to a boiling point in me now. This list can only get so long before something in me snaps, and that unpredictable time is coming very close.
I think Audrey will be another psycho. You see, when I talk to a girl there are certain...clues that tip me off that I somehow always ignore. When the clue tips me off, a string quartet emerges in my head and plays a shrill three note number that only shows up in horror movies and can only be described as:
"Duh-nuhhhh-nuhhhhh"
Excerpts from tonight's convo:
"God I can't stop blowing my nose." -Audrey
"Aw, are you sick?" -Me
"Yeah, but this is weird...I mean I'm not even doing any drugs right now." -Audrey
*DUH-NUHHHH-NUHHHHH!*
"Um...DRUGS? Well...what kind of drugs?" -Me
"I snort coke." -Audrey
"How often?" -Me
"Oh...two times a morning. Don't worry I haven't done it in like a week." -Audrey
"A week???" -Me
"So are the walls at your place thin?" -Audrey
"Yeah, i'd say so. Why?" -Me
"Well, I just didn't know if the noise we'll make when I come over will be a problem" -Audrey
"Uhhhhh...(but we haven't even met yet?)" -Me
"I've had a few one night stands with men before." -Audrey
"Oh yeah, it seems every lesbian has a dark past. When was the last time you did it?" -Me
"Uh, like six months ago." -Audrey
"But...I thought you said you find men repulsive?" -Me
"I do." -Audrey
"You still have sex with them even though you find them gross?" -Me
"Well...yeah sometimes. But i'm totally gay." -Audrey
"I like to go to the used bookstore sometime and check out lesbian pulp fiction. What about you?" -Me
"I...don't read." -Audrey
"That's a shame. Writing is my passion." -Me
"I had an English major girlfriend one time...she was, like, deep all the time and shit. I didn't get it." -Audrey
"What do you think about girls?" -Me
"A girl has to be REALLY hot for me to even like her. Or else I just don't. And I tell them to get out of my house. I don't waste my time with girls that don't look good." -Audrey
So i'm listening to "Junk of the Hearts" by The Cardigans:
We never chose to part
in this stupid play
I never felt by heart
that I could behave
the way the roles were made
I know that i've done you wrong
but you're hard to please when your faith is gone
and when you can't believe,
I'm on my hands and knees.
The junk of the hearts, The junk of the hearts
I've given all of me
And you crave for more.
Weird how this makes us feel
insecure
that's what friends are for.
I will strike at something soon, and I don't know what, but this is really rising to a boiling point in me now. This list can only get so long before something in me snaps, and that unpredictable time is coming very close.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
"my grandmother suddenly burst into flames the other day"
Run. Run like the wind. This sounds like the kind of woman who would try to fix a broken toaster with a fork. While it's still plugged in. While standing in a big puddle of water.