HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD! THIS IS A SEX BUST!!!!!!!
I couldn't take it anymore, really. It was 3am. The loud upstairs neighbors were fucking like there was no tomorrow. Their badly selected loud music hid nothing. I was tired of listening for hours to this straight woman's moaning. After a while, I wondered if she was really enjoying herself. She would moan so loudly, like she was really having fun, but at spaced, irregular intervals, so it sounded like she wasn't actually climaxing to anything.
I decided to put us ALL out of our misery.
In horribly decorated heart pajamas and a WHITE CARDIGAN (because I could find nothing else to wear in my mad rage) I ran up one flight of stairs to locate the people who live above me. I found a door with a sign saying "Beware of Dog" and loud R AND B music pumping from the other side. I thought, "If you're fucking to loud R and B, you just deserve to have someone ruin it for you."
I banged on the door.
No answer.
I banged on the door more violently.
No answer
I banged severely hard on the door.
The sound of R and B being lowered. An overlysexed black man wearing many gold chains opened his door a' blingin.
"Dude, can you, um, be quiet? I can hear you all the way on the bottom floor." -Me
"Uh...OK." -He
He shut the door, which was good since the rank smell of ghettofabulous sex was offending my nostrils. I heard some angry woman roll over in bed on the other side, mumbling.
Happily, I skipped down the hall in glee and blasted Ministry back in my place in sheer victory. Amelie rose up on her hind paws and started squeaking, then ran on her wheel in time to the music. The following conversation between good bionic and bad bionic went on in my head.
"You really shouldn't have done that, you know. When you used to have sex A YEAR AGO it was probably about that loud and disturbed lots of people for a WAY LONGER amount of time." -Good Bionic
"Um, it was funny." -Bad Bionic
"Ah, OK." -Good Bionic
I am an angry, militant lesbian on a rampage, I need sex and I need it soon before I spontaneously combust in sexual frustration and holographic glitter.
I couldn't take it anymore, really. It was 3am. The loud upstairs neighbors were fucking like there was no tomorrow. Their badly selected loud music hid nothing. I was tired of listening for hours to this straight woman's moaning. After a while, I wondered if she was really enjoying herself. She would moan so loudly, like she was really having fun, but at spaced, irregular intervals, so it sounded like she wasn't actually climaxing to anything.
I decided to put us ALL out of our misery.
In horribly decorated heart pajamas and a WHITE CARDIGAN (because I could find nothing else to wear in my mad rage) I ran up one flight of stairs to locate the people who live above me. I found a door with a sign saying "Beware of Dog" and loud R AND B music pumping from the other side. I thought, "If you're fucking to loud R and B, you just deserve to have someone ruin it for you."
I banged on the door.
No answer.
I banged on the door more violently.
No answer
I banged severely hard on the door.
The sound of R and B being lowered. An overlysexed black man wearing many gold chains opened his door a' blingin.
"Dude, can you, um, be quiet? I can hear you all the way on the bottom floor." -Me
"Uh...OK." -He
He shut the door, which was good since the rank smell of ghettofabulous sex was offending my nostrils. I heard some angry woman roll over in bed on the other side, mumbling.
Happily, I skipped down the hall in glee and blasted Ministry back in my place in sheer victory. Amelie rose up on her hind paws and started squeaking, then ran on her wheel in time to the music. The following conversation between good bionic and bad bionic went on in my head.
"You really shouldn't have done that, you know. When you used to have sex A YEAR AGO it was probably about that loud and disturbed lots of people for a WAY LONGER amount of time." -Good Bionic
"Um, it was funny." -Bad Bionic
"Ah, OK." -Good Bionic
I am an angry, militant lesbian on a rampage, I need sex and I need it soon before I spontaneously combust in sexual frustration and holographic glitter.
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
claudia:
i hope that you get laid too. sexual frustration always results in bad decisions and ugly people in your bed the next morning. or at least for me. whatever. apparently my ghettofabulous name is Abraham D. what kind of shit is that? i don't want to be the father of christianity.
grrlhavoc:
ok...why do you own a white cardigan???