So the first girl I ever "dated" just wrote me an email and we haven't talked for a year. All it said was, "Hey, do you remember me?"
Let me explain. I really and truly was an ass. The very first girl I ever got involved with was a girl named Jaye that I met through a Yahoo chatroom that lived in New Zealand. (I talked about her before in a journal entry a long time ago.) When we first started talking she was straight but after a month or so said she started falling for me, and I was feeling the same way about her. So for the next 6 months we talked everyday online with webcams for HOURS and on the weekends she'd steal her sister's cell phone and call me internationally for 8-10 hour long phone conversations (eventually her sister found out and she got in deep trouble, lol.) Her favorite quote was always, "Nobody really listens unless you say something interesting." She moved to Sydney, Australia to get a job that would make her more money to visit me in America. I've never met a girl that was that into me before. She worshipped the ground I walked on and it felt nice, and I returned all of it back.
And then I met Natalie. And Natalie seemed like a better prospect because she lived in the same COUNTRY/state as me. So I told Jaye I met someone else and she was furious. We had a huge blowout. But then we got over it and we were friends.
My birthday rolled around and she sent me a present all the way from Australia, a package with hard house CD's and sparkly raver tank tops in it (yeah, this was from when I was a raver).
So I freaked out and didn't talk to her for months. It's been a little over a year now and i've only written her twice.
So all she wrote was, "Do you remember me?" I wrote her back a huge four paragraph long email saying that I hoped she was doing well, that I missed her, that she was an awesome person, and that since then I haven't found a girl that I could have 8-10 hour phone conversations with that I ever connected with that well. I've come close, but never that same connection. The woman made me laugh so hard I had tears coming out of my eyes.
Maybe all this bad luck that follows me around is karma paying me back for what I did to Jaye. She was a nice girl and I drew her out of the closet only to push her away when she freaked me out, and for another woman that wasn't nearly as deserving as her. Now the same thing keeps happening to me over and over again. Like I have to pay for this sin forever. But I couldn't help but back out of it, I mean, she lived in another country on the other side of the world!
Jaye is a good person, especially to write me and see how i'm doing when we haven't talked in ages. I wish only the best for her.
Six months to talk with someone for hours everyday is a long time. They say real and actual love is when you can completely be yourself around another person, and vice versa, and you still like each other for it.
I wonder if that was love, even though we never met.
Let me explain. I really and truly was an ass. The very first girl I ever got involved with was a girl named Jaye that I met through a Yahoo chatroom that lived in New Zealand. (I talked about her before in a journal entry a long time ago.) When we first started talking she was straight but after a month or so said she started falling for me, and I was feeling the same way about her. So for the next 6 months we talked everyday online with webcams for HOURS and on the weekends she'd steal her sister's cell phone and call me internationally for 8-10 hour long phone conversations (eventually her sister found out and she got in deep trouble, lol.) Her favorite quote was always, "Nobody really listens unless you say something interesting." She moved to Sydney, Australia to get a job that would make her more money to visit me in America. I've never met a girl that was that into me before. She worshipped the ground I walked on and it felt nice, and I returned all of it back.
And then I met Natalie. And Natalie seemed like a better prospect because she lived in the same COUNTRY/state as me. So I told Jaye I met someone else and she was furious. We had a huge blowout. But then we got over it and we were friends.
My birthday rolled around and she sent me a present all the way from Australia, a package with hard house CD's and sparkly raver tank tops in it (yeah, this was from when I was a raver).
So I freaked out and didn't talk to her for months. It's been a little over a year now and i've only written her twice.
So all she wrote was, "Do you remember me?" I wrote her back a huge four paragraph long email saying that I hoped she was doing well, that I missed her, that she was an awesome person, and that since then I haven't found a girl that I could have 8-10 hour phone conversations with that I ever connected with that well. I've come close, but never that same connection. The woman made me laugh so hard I had tears coming out of my eyes.
Maybe all this bad luck that follows me around is karma paying me back for what I did to Jaye. She was a nice girl and I drew her out of the closet only to push her away when she freaked me out, and for another woman that wasn't nearly as deserving as her. Now the same thing keeps happening to me over and over again. Like I have to pay for this sin forever. But I couldn't help but back out of it, I mean, she lived in another country on the other side of the world!
Jaye is a good person, especially to write me and see how i'm doing when we haven't talked in ages. I wish only the best for her.
Six months to talk with someone for hours everyday is a long time. They say real and actual love is when you can completely be yourself around another person, and vice versa, and you still like each other for it.
I wonder if that was love, even though we never met.
VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
antisquid:
I won't pretend to be a genius about true love, but it takes guts to give anything of yourself to someone when it may never pay off in the tangible world, and for you to write her a big email telling her how cool she is after everything is definately GOOD karma. You're still working it, for reals.
antiprincess:
Hey chicky-you mentioned before that you were interested in checking out Butter, and I find out today that a girl I know has rented the place out for this Sunday evening for her grad party, and I'm invited, and can bring pretty much who ever I want. So, if you're down, it's no cover and cash bar. Lemme know.