bionicfemme

What a weird night!!!

So I went to the English awards... "8 Reasons You Should Not Be a lesbian" unfortunately almost won but came in second to some girls' essay named "Traveling." Apparently "Creative Non-Fiction" was one of the only categories they couldn't decide on a winner on so I almost won but got an honorable mention. I didn't get 100 bucks, but the English professors in the department all collectively bought and signed a book for me called "High Risk" which is about things that are socially unacceptable to write about, such as, "sadomasochism, prostitution, incest, drug use, bondage, and transsexuailty." They said they went to the bookshop and as soon as they saw it, they thought of me! WTF? PROSTITUTION? My creative writing professor laughed and said, "BONDAGE! YOU'RE INTO THAT!" and pointed at my purse, which had a pair of handcuffs dangling out of it. But they did sign the book which said, "You are a great writer...and second place is not bad at all."

I was sad, until I went outside to smoke a cigarette and a girl that took a creative writing class came up to me. She had read "8 Reasons You Should Not Be A Lesbian" and told me that it was one of her favorite things that she had ever read, and that she kept a copy of it when it was workshopped and reads it whenever she needs a good laugh or to be cheered up about dating. In the end, that meant more to me than 100 bucks, that people are affected by my writing and really like it. I write just as much to please an audience as I do to get out all of my pent up frustrations and feelings.

THEN I went to a lesbian strip club night and some girl recognized me AS THE WRITER OF MUCH OBLIGED!!! I was just sitting there, ordering a drink at the bar, when this chick comes up and says, "Are you THE Bionic Femme? I read your erotica piece on SG!!! I just became a member!" so then the new member, Katmax, introduced me to her girlfriend and her two friends, all cute punky chicks, and we watched the strippers and had lots of drunken fun together. Kat wanted me to put a dollar in the stripper's G-string but I was too shy... Then one stripper that had been watching me the whole night came up and said, "Hey cutie, you want a lapdance?" To which I turned bright red, wiped all of the frickin' sweat off my neck and mumbled "Yes..no...I don't...know...OH GOD! I've never done this before...maybe next time..." so she sighed like she was disappointed and walked off. I felt bad until Kat's girlfriend told me she was like the biggest whore in the club and I somehow avoided getting gonnorhea by turning down the lapdance. Midget butch made a repeat appearance, came over and said Hi and I fled.

Then I made friends with a stripper known only as "Gracie- The SOUTHERN BELLE" who had a septum piercing and was like "Hah, mah name's Gracuh" and I nearly melted into a puddle of Bionicness as she stripped to some rap song talking about The South. Damn, that girl had some moves. Some wicked moves, and a tough girlfriend. So I backed off, chated with my new friends, and left after I was properly drunk and embarassing.

So yeah, I didn't win first prize in the English competition...but all in all, I am still proud to get second place out of over 100 entries. And to be recognized on the street for my erotica makes me happy. Plus when they announced that the name of my piece was "8 reasons you should not be a lesbian" at the banquet everybody keeled over in uproarious laughter.

I'm still drunk and very amorous. SOMEBODY FUCK ME, PLEASE!