billybeer

Sooo, How's everyone doing. And by everyone, I mean, YOU.

Looking for a new job in New York City is the most unenejoyable, tedious, and hopeless thing I could be doing. We're in between jobsite's right now, so there's no work, (or even anywhere TO work for that matter) so, while everyone else who works with me is gettin unemployment for the lay-off time, I just barely miss the mark for qualifying, so I'm seriously BROKE. But looking for something in the meantime is utterly exhausting.

I have been feeling incredibly unlike myself lately, maybe it's this long term sobriety that I've jsut broken, that could have done it, maybe I'll be back to normal in the morning...(but not counting on it)...

So wrote some songs, and finally think I'm going to get this band together. I've been out of the swing of things for far too long. People see me and are always remembering and recognizing me from things I used to do, not things I'm doing, so I would like to reverse that trend. Let people know I'm no washed up, has been,

"guitar player from (that band) that used to play at (that club) all the time"
...And that I'm working on fresh, better things that are far from the garbage that was the end result of all the (now defunct) projects I've contributed to...Seriously. This shit fucking RIPS. Not to, you know, come off all egotistical, but, I'm just exited to be doing something that I feel has my complete conviction for once, something that I'm actually putting 100% into, something that is not going to be misunderstood, misrepresented, stale, or mediocre.

My birthday is in a few weeks. Another year already. Last year I got breakfast in bed. That kicked ass. Someone should do that for me this year. (wink*wink*) oh wait...

I'm glad my hair is finally getting out of that awkward stage I hated the last time I grew my hair long... Soon enough I tell myself. Soon enough.

So, how are you enjoying this entry? Is it allover the place enough? Lets go a step further.

I need people to take pictures of in the near future. Not naked pictures. Just, be my subject. Wear a dress. Or a party gown. You could wear something that were from the 19th century, that might be interesting... As long as it's light colored, cause You're going to be in a dark atmosphere. I'll leave the specifics up to your own creative purpose...

The shoot is going to involve an abandoned building (I used to live in), rusty metal, and lots of blood. Not YOUR blood, no, dont worry. Fake blood. But you'll be drenched in it come the end. I'm giving too much of this away... If you want to help me out, jsut let me know... then ill tell you all about it.
Email me. anokpeaceequality@hotmail.com

A woman that I used to buy massive amounts of xanax off of I saw today. She was more messed up that usual, and was wrinklier than normal as well. She told me that had I made the smallest changes in my life, I would have been in a completely diffrent place, a completely better place. And that may seem like the truth, but I'm not so sure after thinking about it for a while. Sure I'm miserable, apathetic, securely and hopelessly addicted to substance to find solice. A lot of my friends are dead, I love every breath I take, and hate it at the same time, but I wouldn't be the same person, had I not had all this negativity. I wouldn't be prepared to deal with the bullshit that life deals you had I been anymore sheltered or blanketed than I'm not. I think the places I've dragged myself, though at the time were miserable situations, and have maybe considerable shortened my lifespan, have tought me valuable life lessons that you wont learn in any college or fucking seminar. She said to me as I got in the elevator, "May you sleep with angels".