bigwhelturnsmal

So Beth and her wonderful children and her husband came in for Thanksgiving. I had a wonderful time with her. She is one of my favorite among my cousins. Her children are remarkable and she and Alan are great parents. Many stories to tell. It made my kinda sad because on the surface I would love to have a child yet deep down I know I am not ready. So in any event Beth keeps asking about my RSD, I try not to talk about it when family is around because I do not want to be a complainer all the time. I mean it hurts all the time it never stops it wakes me up and I must inoculate in order to sleep. So how can you explain this and not bitch. Well you can't. When the kids want a piggy back ride damn it they got one. When we walked to the hockey game using the ramps instead of the stairs ( ramps kill me ) we walked them. We sucked it up and suffered till they were gone. One a good note we finally got to do something together and not hang out a grand-mas listening to her complain. By the way I take more meds then she does and she is 86. I have a long strand of bitch built up towards this self center grand-ma of mine, but for now we are talking about me .
How to describe RSD.( I am lucky in the fact I have just Type 2 although it is spreading however I am still luckier then say someone with HIV, or someone who is brain dead. You get my drift? ) SO RSD. Imagine someone poking all the time with their index finger. Just poking you in the same spot. And since it is spreading lets say they poke you in your left hand for a minute or two. ( BTW I stubbed my toe and RSD Exploded on to my left foot again, this required more spinal shots) So this poking is always there, when you wake up, when you go to sleep, someone is poking you all the time. Now let's pretend instead of their index finger the use their fist. The same place the same interval only this time with their fist. Now lets say they use a hammer to poke you in the same spot. The same spot that have been poking you every second of your life for almost a year now. Hard blows from the hammer and suddenly you hate your life even more now. You medicate, you lay around the house, you do what ever it takes to ignore this constant hammering on your foot. The next day you wake up and the swelling is gone from the hammering and they are right back to just mildly poking you. But however they are still poking you. It is another day and life moves on. Anyway that about sums it up I guess. Then there is the other things that I can no longer do, plus the huge loss of income, but I will overcome these problems soon. I would never expose this summary to my family that I only see once in a blue moon. I know they are just trying to understand it and I admit it is a curious disease to have, but I am not going to spend the few amounts of time I get with them bitching about my problems. I would rather enjoy my family as they are. I love them and they should not have to endure this bitch session I just ranted amongst strangers. Fuck you all