The last 36 hours have, for the most part, sucked. Here are the low lights.
After Thursday night, I couldn't get a ride home from work until 1 in the afternoon. Now, when you think that I woke at 7 the previous night, worked all night, walked to the supermarket down the street, couldn't get my flatmates up to give me a ride and then spent the next 5 hours walking between my shop and the pay phone to call the house in the fucking cold...being up 19 hours straight fucking sucks. Then, to top it all off, not a one apologized for their goof which was to not have their phones charged properly.
Essentially, they're still mad at me for the whole Valentine's day fiasco. Fine. But to deny me a ride home because of that is kind of childish. Especially considering my tab to them for the things I've done for them is much longer then theirs for me. I don't like the idea that I'm still going to be in the doghouse for something that wasn't all my fault. I especially hate the idea that I'm to be hated on for not doing my duty, whatever that is.
I'm so lonely nowadays. Honestly. My flatmates are all weirded out and turning guerilla with our landlord over the electrical bills and we might be moving again. So other then the few people I tolerate at work I really don't have any friends down here right now. It bothers me. the fact that my social abilities are barely over a tolerable level cause of work bothers me. I used to be a lot more then I am now and I'm not and it bothers me. I'm going to driving school this week cause of the tips I got the last few nights...but even that may not stop the flood. I just am getting tired of being this alone. Friends are a hassle yes but this isolationist bullshit has got to stop. For my own sanity.
I'm just so lonely. Never has my house felt this lonely and yet this full.
The last few weeks I've just been perusing the internet personals sites looking for folk in the metro area to talk to. I'm so starved for social contact that I've gone that route as a lifeline. It's hard to deal. I want to meet people at my job but I'm still feeling really awkward talking to someone on a one to one. It's gotten a bit easier as of late but I don't get enough practice to get me into a good comfort zone. But hopefully when I drive I can go to where all the hip kids are and figure it out.
Also. I'm looking at all these goth looking girls who I want to be intimate with and I'm so scared that they won't like me cause I'm not thin, long haired and white. I want a goth girl who could see why a geek boy like me is worth the trouble. I want that but I'm so not sure that the girls in the area who are goth/punk/hipster would see that. That's one of those little deterrents that stops me a lot from talking even online to girls I want to. Plus I do still want a girl my own age. And there aren't that many single 23 year old women about. At least who are attracted to me.
I'm tired now so I'm going to bed. More money tonight means more driving lessons this week hence. Time for porn and bed. Later all.
After Thursday night, I couldn't get a ride home from work until 1 in the afternoon. Now, when you think that I woke at 7 the previous night, worked all night, walked to the supermarket down the street, couldn't get my flatmates up to give me a ride and then spent the next 5 hours walking between my shop and the pay phone to call the house in the fucking cold...being up 19 hours straight fucking sucks. Then, to top it all off, not a one apologized for their goof which was to not have their phones charged properly.
Essentially, they're still mad at me for the whole Valentine's day fiasco. Fine. But to deny me a ride home because of that is kind of childish. Especially considering my tab to them for the things I've done for them is much longer then theirs for me. I don't like the idea that I'm still going to be in the doghouse for something that wasn't all my fault. I especially hate the idea that I'm to be hated on for not doing my duty, whatever that is.
I'm so lonely nowadays. Honestly. My flatmates are all weirded out and turning guerilla with our landlord over the electrical bills and we might be moving again. So other then the few people I tolerate at work I really don't have any friends down here right now. It bothers me. the fact that my social abilities are barely over a tolerable level cause of work bothers me. I used to be a lot more then I am now and I'm not and it bothers me. I'm going to driving school this week cause of the tips I got the last few nights...but even that may not stop the flood. I just am getting tired of being this alone. Friends are a hassle yes but this isolationist bullshit has got to stop. For my own sanity.
I'm just so lonely. Never has my house felt this lonely and yet this full.
The last few weeks I've just been perusing the internet personals sites looking for folk in the metro area to talk to. I'm so starved for social contact that I've gone that route as a lifeline. It's hard to deal. I want to meet people at my job but I'm still feeling really awkward talking to someone on a one to one. It's gotten a bit easier as of late but I don't get enough practice to get me into a good comfort zone. But hopefully when I drive I can go to where all the hip kids are and figure it out.
Also. I'm looking at all these goth looking girls who I want to be intimate with and I'm so scared that they won't like me cause I'm not thin, long haired and white. I want a goth girl who could see why a geek boy like me is worth the trouble. I want that but I'm so not sure that the girls in the area who are goth/punk/hipster would see that. That's one of those little deterrents that stops me a lot from talking even online to girls I want to. Plus I do still want a girl my own age. And there aren't that many single 23 year old women about. At least who are attracted to me.
I'm tired now so I'm going to bed. More money tonight means more driving lessons this week hence. Time for porn and bed. Later all.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
I would suggest just meeting people as friends first, then worry about the intimate part of it, that may help you be a little more comfortable with the one on one thing....
I hope your weekend is better...catch me on AIM if you need to talk, I'm here! *hugs*