Negotiations, schmegotiations.
In other news, AN ODE TO THE DOLLAR STORE:
So I went to the dollar store today for the first time in forever. I was going with hopes of finding 30 packs of Bicycle playing cards for the low, low price of $1 each (long story and no, I was not successful; I came really close though) and left with 2 bottles of Softsoap grapefruit scented hand soap. I don't know why I stopped going to the dollar store. Perhaps it was that I started earning a bit more. Perhaps it was that I turned 30. There were some changes in the dollar store since my last visit. It now sells fresh fruit, for example. Yeah. At any rate, I was reminded of the various rules my best L.A. friend L and I came up with for shopping at the dollar store. These rules began back in the days when I was 22, she was 19, I made $385 a week, she was unemployed, and the only furniture we owned was inflatable. So keep that in mind.
Things that One Should Buy at the Dollar Store:
*Most cleaning products
*Party supplies
*Accouterments for any sort of holiday, especially Valentine's, Easter, and Halloween
*Gift wrap
*Presents for your friends' kids (at 22 in Los Angeles, I couldn't afford a decent gift for your spawn; sorries!)
*Housewares, including but not limited to: dishtowels, potholders, cups/glasses, knives, and "Tupperware" (just don't expect it to last as long as TupperwareTM
*Decorative flourishes, including but not limited to: candles, anything with Jesus or saints on it (if you are religious, yay, if you're not: IRONIC KNICK-KNACKS!), and clocks
.And remember L's golden rule of buying housewares at the dollar store: "It can be cute, or it can be functional. It will not be cute AND functional." For example, you can buy adorable neon-colored salt & pepper shakers that affix to your refrigerator with magnets, or you can buy salt & pepper shakers that actually shake salt and pepper reliably..
Things that are Okay to Buy at the Dollar Store:
*Canned goods, including soup, pepperoncinis, and most kinds of canned vegetables
*Some packaged foods of name brand status, as long as the expiration date is years in the future. Example: Stove Top Stuffing
*Hard candy in bulk
Things that Really Should Not Be Bought at the Dollar Store:
*Paper towels
*Name brand candy in current circulation
*Some kinds of canned vegetables
(All of the above things are actually cheaper at the regular store.)
*Foods that have an expiration date of less than one year
*Name brand products' recalled or defunct "experiments," a la M&M's Peanut Butter & Jelly flavor or Cheetos Cilantro flavor
(The above are things that my friend P would buy at the Dollar Store, and were often kinda off.)
Do Not Under Any Circumstances Buy These Things at the Dollar Store:
(These rules were deemed necessary due to the dollar store buying habits of L's onetime roommate, Julie the Alien. More on Julie the Alien and her boyfriend, Ted the Felon, in a future entry; I have been recalling them fondly lately from my couch of unemployment)
*Wine (it tastes like you think it would and has fingernail-sized pieces of sediment at the bottom)
*Condoms
*Pregnancy tests
In other news, AN ODE TO THE DOLLAR STORE:
So I went to the dollar store today for the first time in forever. I was going with hopes of finding 30 packs of Bicycle playing cards for the low, low price of $1 each (long story and no, I was not successful; I came really close though) and left with 2 bottles of Softsoap grapefruit scented hand soap. I don't know why I stopped going to the dollar store. Perhaps it was that I started earning a bit more. Perhaps it was that I turned 30. There were some changes in the dollar store since my last visit. It now sells fresh fruit, for example. Yeah. At any rate, I was reminded of the various rules my best L.A. friend L and I came up with for shopping at the dollar store. These rules began back in the days when I was 22, she was 19, I made $385 a week, she was unemployed, and the only furniture we owned was inflatable. So keep that in mind.
Things that One Should Buy at the Dollar Store:
*Most cleaning products
*Party supplies
*Accouterments for any sort of holiday, especially Valentine's, Easter, and Halloween
*Gift wrap
*Presents for your friends' kids (at 22 in Los Angeles, I couldn't afford a decent gift for your spawn; sorries!)
*Housewares, including but not limited to: dishtowels, potholders, cups/glasses, knives, and "Tupperware" (just don't expect it to last as long as TupperwareTM
*Decorative flourishes, including but not limited to: candles, anything with Jesus or saints on it (if you are religious, yay, if you're not: IRONIC KNICK-KNACKS!), and clocks
.And remember L's golden rule of buying housewares at the dollar store: "It can be cute, or it can be functional. It will not be cute AND functional." For example, you can buy adorable neon-colored salt & pepper shakers that affix to your refrigerator with magnets, or you can buy salt & pepper shakers that actually shake salt and pepper reliably..
Things that are Okay to Buy at the Dollar Store:
*Canned goods, including soup, pepperoncinis, and most kinds of canned vegetables
*Some packaged foods of name brand status, as long as the expiration date is years in the future. Example: Stove Top Stuffing
*Hard candy in bulk
Things that Really Should Not Be Bought at the Dollar Store:
*Paper towels
*Name brand candy in current circulation
*Some kinds of canned vegetables
(All of the above things are actually cheaper at the regular store.)
*Foods that have an expiration date of less than one year
*Name brand products' recalled or defunct "experiments," a la M&M's Peanut Butter & Jelly flavor or Cheetos Cilantro flavor
(The above are things that my friend P would buy at the Dollar Store, and were often kinda off.)
Do Not Under Any Circumstances Buy These Things at the Dollar Store:
(These rules were deemed necessary due to the dollar store buying habits of L's onetime roommate, Julie the Alien. More on Julie the Alien and her boyfriend, Ted the Felon, in a future entry; I have been recalling them fondly lately from my couch of unemployment)
*Wine (it tastes like you think it would and has fingernail-sized pieces of sediment at the bottom)
*Condoms
*Pregnancy tests
Hope all is well!
-Renna