I've never been real good at writing in a blog or even a journal. I guess I have a problem opening up...which I find odd since I am not a shy or secretive person. Anyway, I was reading an article in Psychology today magazine ("Mixed Signals" October 2009) about how others see you and the type person you personify. It made me wonder if my intentions are sometimes mistaken.
Don't get me wrong, I am not looking for loads of comments asking your opinion of the type of person I portray. Ha..I am confident in who I am. Something happened today that reinforced the magazine article, though. I got a message from a friend on Facebook about how some of my comments made her boyfriend mad. I was a bit confused and don't even know which comments she is referring too. I know I am complementive (why is this not a real word) and flirtatious, but I have known this girl since way before they started dating and he waits until they have been dating for 4 months (?) to get jealous. I always thought I was playful and never thought I portrayed myself as a threat, but this is the second boyfriend to get jealous this year. That is what confuses me. Ha...I didn't even think I was that cute. Seriously though, what do others see that I don't?
Back to the article, the article refers to parts of yourself known as "blind spots." In other words, parts of yourself and your actions that you didn't know you had, but that others can see. Hmm.. I am a self-analyzing person. What I mean by that is I meditate, I am a psychology major and I'm a neurology hopeful. I like to look inward and believe that you have to know yourself before you can be who you are suppose to be. So I think I have a pretty good handle on who I am. I know my strengths, weaknesses, fears, etc. The thought of blind spots made me giggle at first. The article made perfect sense, though. It talks about how personal bias can make people misjudge their person traits, such as intelligence, attractiveness, etc. So by knowing my own moral level and thinking I meant no harm, blinded me from seeing the harm that these boyfriends portrayed? Would I be offended if someone like myself reciprocated my actions to a girlfriend of mine? I am not an undo jealous person. I believe that fades with confidence. I would like to believe I would not be jealous. Am I "pulling the wool" over my own eyes in thinking that? I know that there is a point that biologically, we can't help but to get jealous. When there is a true threat, we respond. However, I am not a true threat. I refuse to steal a girlfriend. The real question is; is bias still blinding me and I would actually be jealous myself? I ask myself this to understand their point of view. I am a strong believer in using my head and understanding the viewpoint of others. Especially, when I feel I am being wrongly accused or insulted.
Which brings me to my inquiry of you SG goers. When have you been jealous? Was it just or unjust? What do you define as a healthy level of jealousy?
Don't get me wrong, I am not looking for loads of comments asking your opinion of the type of person I portray. Ha..I am confident in who I am. Something happened today that reinforced the magazine article, though. I got a message from a friend on Facebook about how some of my comments made her boyfriend mad. I was a bit confused and don't even know which comments she is referring too. I know I am complementive (why is this not a real word) and flirtatious, but I have known this girl since way before they started dating and he waits until they have been dating for 4 months (?) to get jealous. I always thought I was playful and never thought I portrayed myself as a threat, but this is the second boyfriend to get jealous this year. That is what confuses me. Ha...I didn't even think I was that cute. Seriously though, what do others see that I don't?
Back to the article, the article refers to parts of yourself known as "blind spots." In other words, parts of yourself and your actions that you didn't know you had, but that others can see. Hmm.. I am a self-analyzing person. What I mean by that is I meditate, I am a psychology major and I'm a neurology hopeful. I like to look inward and believe that you have to know yourself before you can be who you are suppose to be. So I think I have a pretty good handle on who I am. I know my strengths, weaknesses, fears, etc. The thought of blind spots made me giggle at first. The article made perfect sense, though. It talks about how personal bias can make people misjudge their person traits, such as intelligence, attractiveness, etc. So by knowing my own moral level and thinking I meant no harm, blinded me from seeing the harm that these boyfriends portrayed? Would I be offended if someone like myself reciprocated my actions to a girlfriend of mine? I am not an undo jealous person. I believe that fades with confidence. I would like to believe I would not be jealous. Am I "pulling the wool" over my own eyes in thinking that? I know that there is a point that biologically, we can't help but to get jealous. When there is a true threat, we respond. However, I am not a true threat. I refuse to steal a girlfriend. The real question is; is bias still blinding me and I would actually be jealous myself? I ask myself this to understand their point of view. I am a strong believer in using my head and understanding the viewpoint of others. Especially, when I feel I am being wrongly accused or insulted.
Which brings me to my inquiry of you SG goers. When have you been jealous? Was it just or unjust? What do you define as a healthy level of jealousy?
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For example, Consider the things you say to these girls, then imagine whether or not you might make a similar comment to your guy mates. If flirting and complimenting is part and parcel of what you consider to be female friendship and her boyfriend does not, this may be why there is a clash in this particular case but not with all female friends, as some of their boyfriends might be the same way and therefore more relaxed about it. ie, more confident in themselves they they are "enough" for their girlfriend.