A happy new year to you all. But what ho, sad news? I, my dears, am blighted. Cursed, I walk the earth in penance this year. Let this be a cautionary tale, a warning for all.
I ignored the emails about Microsoft charging extortionate amounts to the breakers of chains and the more selectively communicative of us. Im now paying in excess of 32 000 for each month of use. I realise that without this money the Microsoft Corporation will hit financial ruin, the stock market will crash and Channel 4 will be forced to demand a licence fee of some sort. I dont expect sympathy and I apologise to everyone on my contact list, I can only hope that you received the email from a more responsible and caring person than myself.
I ignored the bulletins about Myspace closing down and therefore did not do my bit. And so it has closed down and I am left lonely and friendless, unable to leave the house for fear of encountering people that may try and converse with me, unaware of appropriate abbreviations. LOL it is no laughing matter ppl btw, omg - brb!
I scoffed at O2s word of mouth advertising and resigned the email to the trash. But I suffer terrible embarrassment as everyone around me produces the latest 10 mobile phones from their pockets. My telephone has become obsolete and I am truly a laughing stock amongst the reapers of O2s glorious gifts.
My personal astrologer emailed me and warned me of troubles in the coming year. She said that it wasnt too late and that if I was to give her my credit card details she would provide a more in depth reading and advise me. Why did I question her sincerity? Why did I wonder how on earth Id gained a personal astrologer?
I didnt laugh at the joke about the teenage boy and the chemist, I didnt think that it was so important that I sent it to at least 100 people in 30 seconds. With a heavy heart I embark upon the first of ten years of bad luck with romance. I realise now that I will never find my true love. I try to communicate with boys but I have become invisible to them, blushing and nervous I run away.
So, once more my friends, I wish you a happy 2006. I am home from New York now and am open to any offers of drinks or tea, I have a wonderful, almost waist length mullet and some nice new clothes. I realise that nothing I can do will make boys look at me but thats ok. There is little I can do but avoid walking across 3 drains, after all, thats just asking for trouble!
Ps. Send this to everyone you know by carrier pigeon in the next 5 minutes. If you dont I will appear in your mirror with a hook for a hand. And you really dont want to know what Id do with that hook.
I ignored the emails about Microsoft charging extortionate amounts to the breakers of chains and the more selectively communicative of us. Im now paying in excess of 32 000 for each month of use. I realise that without this money the Microsoft Corporation will hit financial ruin, the stock market will crash and Channel 4 will be forced to demand a licence fee of some sort. I dont expect sympathy and I apologise to everyone on my contact list, I can only hope that you received the email from a more responsible and caring person than myself.
I ignored the bulletins about Myspace closing down and therefore did not do my bit. And so it has closed down and I am left lonely and friendless, unable to leave the house for fear of encountering people that may try and converse with me, unaware of appropriate abbreviations. LOL it is no laughing matter ppl btw, omg - brb!
I scoffed at O2s word of mouth advertising and resigned the email to the trash. But I suffer terrible embarrassment as everyone around me produces the latest 10 mobile phones from their pockets. My telephone has become obsolete and I am truly a laughing stock amongst the reapers of O2s glorious gifts.
My personal astrologer emailed me and warned me of troubles in the coming year. She said that it wasnt too late and that if I was to give her my credit card details she would provide a more in depth reading and advise me. Why did I question her sincerity? Why did I wonder how on earth Id gained a personal astrologer?
I didnt laugh at the joke about the teenage boy and the chemist, I didnt think that it was so important that I sent it to at least 100 people in 30 seconds. With a heavy heart I embark upon the first of ten years of bad luck with romance. I realise now that I will never find my true love. I try to communicate with boys but I have become invisible to them, blushing and nervous I run away.
So, once more my friends, I wish you a happy 2006. I am home from New York now and am open to any offers of drinks or tea, I have a wonderful, almost waist length mullet and some nice new clothes. I realise that nothing I can do will make boys look at me but thats ok. There is little I can do but avoid walking across 3 drains, after all, thats just asking for trouble!
Ps. Send this to everyone you know by carrier pigeon in the next 5 minutes. If you dont I will appear in your mirror with a hook for a hand. And you really dont want to know what Id do with that hook.
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A late Happy New year to you