bbkaro

Look, I'm sorry... I fucking like Starbucks.

There's this billboard on 5th and Harrison with a big question mark and the web address starbucked.com (now imagine I'm clever and conscientious enough to produce a jpeg of said billboard right about here... then cease to wonder why I didn't want to make that starbucked thing a url link for handy-dandy SG-member access: if you're going to go to this dumbass site, I'm making you type it in manually) so naturally I checked it out.

Let me sidebar quickly to point out that I have a thing about question marks (note to self: add that to your "into" box on profile). I had to check out the website... because of the giant question mark. I once paid a homeless guy five bucks for his cardboard sign because it was nothing more than a question mark drawn with a crayon. Craziest thing. I wanted to help the guy out, you know, but I also was really intrigued by the sign. So he sold it to me. For five bucks.

Anyway.

I understand the whole down with corporate America thing. I do. And I know how fun it is for stand-up comedians to joke about how many fucking Starbucks there are on the moon and how silly it is to hear yuppies rattle off their "venti half-caf drip with room" orders at six in the morning. Sure. Hysterical.

And I would be all about supporting local independent coffee shops without hesitation. I'm all about independence. I'm equidistant from Amoeba and Wherehouse, so where do I go? Amoeba! Borders? No way: Green Apple! Fuck Wal-Mart! I'll pay a few dollars more for that... that... whatever just because browsing around in Wal-Mart or Target offends my free-thinking, non-conformist sensibilities.

But now, we're talking about my coffee. And here's the thing. Starbucks makes good coffee.

And here's the other thing. Wherever you go... whatever Starbucks you happen to go to, whether in Denver, Dubuque, or the moon... you get the same great coffee. Almost a guarantee. There's something really peanut-butter-and-jelly safe about that.

Not that I'm against trying new things, mind you. I mean, look:

Me: Where should we eat tonight?
She: I don't know. That Eritrean place opened up on Geary.
Me: Eri-whatsit? Never heard of it! Hell yeah I'm having me some of that tonight!
She: I hear it's spicy.
Me: All the better!

(incidentally, unreasonably spicy would have been a more appropriate advisory... comments of "bit too spicy" were met with more dishes of yogurt. I ate yogurt. That's... all I tasted...)

Or, lookee here:

Me: Jackie Greene's playing at Marilyn's tonight.
He: Oh yeah? Again? There's these Kaito guys at Capitol... some no-wave-y stuff from UK... I'm thinking of going there.
Me: Think no longer! I'm driving! Whee! I love trying new things!

See what I mean? It's not that I require the comfort and security of the tried-and-true. I revel in new experiences.

Just, you know... not when it comes to my coffee.