My GADH life is crazy. Here's to a new year! for once, I actually have some new years resolutions. In years past, ive scoffed at the thought. I'd say things like "oh, it's just another day. If you want to change something, just do it." or I'd say something about societal pressures vs personal pressures and how youre more willing to follow through with something if you want it, and that making a resolution because that's what youre "supposed" to do is a recipe for failure.
Maybe i've just hit a place where i just NEED to get a handle on my life and make some changes. And now's as good a time as any to try to do that. And new years is just as good an excuse as any to get started.
regardless. Here I am.
2017 was a decent year. I sold my first pieces of art, celebrated 10 years with the love of my life, and went on an amazing trip. My sister moved back to the area and I get to see my nephews grow up and spend time with them. I sometimes get the feeling like I have a handle on things now! Like, as an adult. SOMETIMES. But that's a step up from always feeling like I'm failing, so that's awesome! I have also seen some AMAZING bands live, tried new things and challenged myself.
I wish I had time for SG. I wish i had time for a lot of things. This year, I have goals. And this year, I am setting myself up to be productive. And we will see what that means. If things fall into place, and I am able to shoot a set again, maybe I will. I want to. I love it. But I also need to admit to myself that I just don't have the time to spare to go out of my way to make it happen. At least not right now. I love this community, and I love hopping on here every now and then and seeing what's going on. But I just can not see where to find the time.
I say I wish I had time for a lot of things. That is the biggest challenge of my life I think... it is an ENORMOUS trigger for my anxiety and depression. There are so many things I want to do... but the hours, the day, the weeks keep ticking by so fast... Time just keeps going... The good news? I have finally figured that out. The bad news... is now, I need to figure out what to do with this new information.
I never read enough, for example. I used to read ALL. THE. TIME. I pride myself on being a well read person. and yet..... I have a stack of books sitting next to my bed, unread. It has been almost 3 years, I think, since I've read an entire book.
And my guitars. I never play them anymore. I'll pick it up for 10 minutes, maybe once a month. They're sitting out where I see them every day. And i think about them. And I admire them. But I don't play them...
And my art work. I have so many projects I want to do. Some feel like personal projects. Some feel like IMPORTANT projects. Like, I actually sold a few pieces of my jewelry at the giant SMFA art sale. To me, that is a huge accomplishment. One of the highlights of 2017, for sure. It gives me confidence and reassurance to keep going. But it is so intensive and detailed. It takes a lot more of that TIME stuff I keep talking about.
That is just 3 examples... And any time I do anything, I feel like there is something else I ought to be doing instead, and I feel guilty that I am reading instead of playing music, or playing music when I should be making art..... And that anxiety keeps me from doing ANYTHING fully.
And so...
Enter the New Year's Resolutions for 2018.
1. Organize, throw away, simplify.
I have a bad habit of living in what I consider organized chaos. What looks like a mess to you, makes sense to me. But perhaps, my brain is taking a cue from my environment and chaotic habits, like writing notes and lists on little pieces of paper and putting them in my pocket. I do that ALL THE TIME. So this first resolution is all about taming the organized chaos that is both my brain and my environment.
So this is a 3-fold resolution.
First, I got a calendar. Like, a real one that adults hang on their walls. (Ansel Adams themed BTW <3) The idea here, is that I will be able to write things down and look at it as a whole. Smart phone calendars have a place. But I suspect i will find it useful to have a real physical one to write on/ look at.
Second, I got a weekly planner. So now I will have a purse-sized version with room for details and notes. This may be the most difficult task, because planners have ALWAYS been a struggle for me. But I see the value in it, and WANT to utilize that value. I am really going to push myself with this one. I think it will help me mentally. and it will help me accomplish my other resolutions. Actually, I think conquering the planner is THE ONLY way I will accomplish my other resolutions. I need to stay on top of myself and really work hard. I would like to work my way up to journaling regularly (I used to keep a journal as a teenager.... i'd like to burn those now, please) but the last thing I need to do it over-complicate my journey to simplification, so the planner is it for now.
And the last part, is throwing things away. I have accumulated, at least what feels like, a lot of "stuff". I will be moving in a few months, so between now and then, I am working on not just keeping my space clean and organized, but DE-CLUTTERED. Which of course means less stuff. So I am going to use my handy new calendar to help me make sure I go through my stuff on a regular basis and start getting rid of things I dont need and organizing things I want to keep. I hope this helps declutter my mind, and in turn calms my anxiety. also moving is a BITCH. So i would like to make that as easy as possible.
2. Gain weight.
Stress and anxiety plus bad habits and laziness. I've lost weight, and I am not happy about it. I do not know why I lost weight, but I havent exactly been trying to be healthy. I am lazy about food. which isn't good when you also don't have a lot of money. I also dont have that much of an appetite, and I never eat a lot in one sitting. I am hoping to gain back 5-10 lbs. I feel awkward talking about it. the focus always seems to be on LOSING weight, so it feels like no one wants to hear about trying to GAIN it. But I feel like, I am just on the boarder of being underweight, and honestly, that scares me a little. So I am trying to make it a point to eat more calories, and also eat healthier at the same time. I want to work on gaining muscle, not just fat. Honestly though, I'll take either. I dont know how much i weigh for sure, because we have 2 scales in my apartment and they both say different things. but as long as they go UP, I'll be happy.
3. Sell more art!
I need to work on making more pieces, so I have enough inventory to make it worth going out and selling it on my own. Which means I just need to put in the TIME (remember that pesky thing?). I am hoping that my planner will help me be disciplined about when I work on things, and what things I work on, and I feel like I can have success if i really focus on being productive. Discipline is important to have as an artist, and not having the structure of classes and professors means It is on ME to drive myself. Sure, I have been working on my projects. But if I want it to go anywhere, I need to WORK.
I have other goals inside this one, like booking a table at an art fair and making a business card. But first, I need the art.
4. Save money.
I Don't make a lot. But I also buy things I maybe dont need, and see myself wasting 5 or 10 dollars too often. So just being more conscious of how I am spending my money I think will help me feel more peace of mind. And saving money is always a good goal to have.
SO what do you guys think about New Years Resolutions? Do you have any?
Until Next Time,
<3B
