Hahaha, today I finally cracked.
Been waiting on it, to be honest, and I'm SO glad that it was a pretty damn tiny incident, because it could've ben so much worse and so much more embarrassing.
I'm guessing it's mainly to do with the lack of sleep and my ridiculous diet pattern at the moment, but I reckon there was a lot of anger in there, too, from a bunch of things in my life right now.
So yeah, the incident. I work in a 5 Star hotel, which has been pretty busy this weekend because there's a music festival going on in my area and a bunch of the bands are staying with us. Examples... Groove Armada, The Sex Pistols and Idlewild.
We were short staffed today, and I've been in a foul mood for a few days anyway and really haven't been enjoying work at all, but I've been just about persevering.
Except for when there's something that needs to be done/sorted/fixed and the rest of the fucking staff are carrying on. I was trying to get a bill sorted out whilst the guest was standing next to me, and Si, the staff member at the till was totally brushing me off and chatting away to Christine, another member of staff. I tried to keep it cool, and after about 5 minutes of him ignoring me and returning to Christine about half way through me trying to say what I was trying to say, I was JUST about to get it out and get his attention, when ANOTHER member of staff came up behind me and said 'Hey, Si! Can you...' and his attention was lost again. All the while the customer's standing next to me.
Man, I just lost it. As ridiculous the situation, I just saw red and screamed pretty loudly (loud enough for all the tables to hear) "For FUCK SAKE!". All the staff looked at me and I came too. Just had to run into the Still Room and try to calm myself down. Punched a few things and smashed a mug. And then, obviously because my emotion system is totally screwed up, I just burst into tears and kinda collapsed into a heap in the corner.
Thankfully, Si's a good guy and came in after a few minutes, gave me a fag and told me to take 5.
Reading over that, I realise how stupid the whole episode was, but I was just SO fucking frustrated and angry and upset. And I'm fucking exhausted, which magnified everything by 1000.
I'm just pretty lucky that the GM or Head of House wasn't in at that time. And also that I escaped quickly enough not to make a massive scene in front of the guests.
It's interesting, though. Totally reminded me of all the other times I've 'lost it'. They're funny in hindsight, but pretty fucking scary at the time. But they're ALWAYS annoying because they end in my bursting into tears. it's like I get an 'emotion override' and just resort to crying, which makes me angrier because people don't take you seriously when you're calling them all the names under the sun through sobs.
The good thing is that just that wee cry today has kinda cleared my body. I don't think I've cried like that in a while. There was only about 3 minutes max of tears from me when I split with the boyfriend last week, so I'm guessing I've been 'saving it'. Instead of crying, I've been doing a lot of deep talking and thinking lately, which I love and it vents me perfectly, apart from the physical reaction to such a thing.
In fact, it could all be a repression thing, which is why I can't sleep.... Maybe I need a good hours' cry and that'll get me a good night sleep!?
I should really stop studying psychology.
Yeah, so, to stop me feeling like a total prick, any other girls out there who appreciate the need for 'a good cry'?
Been waiting on it, to be honest, and I'm SO glad that it was a pretty damn tiny incident, because it could've ben so much worse and so much more embarrassing.
I'm guessing it's mainly to do with the lack of sleep and my ridiculous diet pattern at the moment, but I reckon there was a lot of anger in there, too, from a bunch of things in my life right now.
So yeah, the incident. I work in a 5 Star hotel, which has been pretty busy this weekend because there's a music festival going on in my area and a bunch of the bands are staying with us. Examples... Groove Armada, The Sex Pistols and Idlewild.
We were short staffed today, and I've been in a foul mood for a few days anyway and really haven't been enjoying work at all, but I've been just about persevering.
Except for when there's something that needs to be done/sorted/fixed and the rest of the fucking staff are carrying on. I was trying to get a bill sorted out whilst the guest was standing next to me, and Si, the staff member at the till was totally brushing me off and chatting away to Christine, another member of staff. I tried to keep it cool, and after about 5 minutes of him ignoring me and returning to Christine about half way through me trying to say what I was trying to say, I was JUST about to get it out and get his attention, when ANOTHER member of staff came up behind me and said 'Hey, Si! Can you...' and his attention was lost again. All the while the customer's standing next to me.
Man, I just lost it. As ridiculous the situation, I just saw red and screamed pretty loudly (loud enough for all the tables to hear) "For FUCK SAKE!". All the staff looked at me and I came too. Just had to run into the Still Room and try to calm myself down. Punched a few things and smashed a mug. And then, obviously because my emotion system is totally screwed up, I just burst into tears and kinda collapsed into a heap in the corner.
Thankfully, Si's a good guy and came in after a few minutes, gave me a fag and told me to take 5.
Reading over that, I realise how stupid the whole episode was, but I was just SO fucking frustrated and angry and upset. And I'm fucking exhausted, which magnified everything by 1000.
I'm just pretty lucky that the GM or Head of House wasn't in at that time. And also that I escaped quickly enough not to make a massive scene in front of the guests.
It's interesting, though. Totally reminded me of all the other times I've 'lost it'. They're funny in hindsight, but pretty fucking scary at the time. But they're ALWAYS annoying because they end in my bursting into tears. it's like I get an 'emotion override' and just resort to crying, which makes me angrier because people don't take you seriously when you're calling them all the names under the sun through sobs.
The good thing is that just that wee cry today has kinda cleared my body. I don't think I've cried like that in a while. There was only about 3 minutes max of tears from me when I split with the boyfriend last week, so I'm guessing I've been 'saving it'. Instead of crying, I've been doing a lot of deep talking and thinking lately, which I love and it vents me perfectly, apart from the physical reaction to such a thing.
In fact, it could all be a repression thing, which is why I can't sleep.... Maybe I need a good hours' cry and that'll get me a good night sleep!?
I should really stop studying psychology.
Yeah, so, to stop me feeling like a total prick, any other girls out there who appreciate the need for 'a good cry'?
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Faye, I'm sorry I've been so absent recently. I've had my hands full with my own shit, as you know.
You do need to take better care of yourself honey, IF I can sound like a boring old man for a moment?
I don't want anything drastic to happen to you, okay? Cause I care and would miss you terribly. Thanks for your insights into the me/Kindra situation. . .