I don't know why but I have this unbearable urge to shout this out in the world (basically to write it down). Of course I know that it's not very likely that someone will read or notice this but I still want to let my feelings flow an write it down.
I was always afraid of beeing alone. I always wanted to be liked by people, to be accepted. And so I tried to be as the people wanted me to be. I liked what they liked, I had the same opinion as they,....I bent myself in every direction to be accepted by them.....and I hated it, I hated it so much. But being alone, having no "friends" was worse than that (at least I thought so).
But everything changed, I don't know why but some day all that changed. I stopped caring about what people think of me, I started to be myself again and I stopped hiding what I liked and what I didn't like. During the time I tried to be accepted I was really cruel to some people, I said really mean things to them. This was one of the first things I tried to put right, I apologized by every single one of them. They didn't understand why I did that and were irritated, but after that I felt a lot better.
As mentioned I did all that because I was afraid of beeing alone and now most of my time I spend alone and it doesn't matter anymore. I was afraid of not having "friends" and now I don't really have a lot of friends and those I really see as friends are way to far away that I could spend time with them.
I don't go out, I prefer to stay at home watch movies, read or build lightsabers (yes that's one of my hobbies). Therefore people think I am strange.
I spend a lot of time with my mother, because she was the only person that was always there for me, that accepted me the way I am. I even have her portrait tattooed right above my heart. Therefore people think I am strange.
I don't have a girlfriend, actually I never had one. I just have never found the right person and I want to fall in love and not just being together with someone. Therefore people think I am strange.
I love comics, cartoons, anime, manga, scifi, fantasy,.... I am a geek. Therefore people think I am strange.
I don't listen to, as people say, normal music. I prefer rock and metal in different variations.
Therefore people think I am strange.
....
But I don't care anymore. I am who I am and I will never again change so that other people like me. And who knows, maybe I also stop being alone and meet the right people that accept me how I am. And maybe even I can find love...
And now we are again at the beginning of this text: I don't know why but I had to write it and now I feel a lot better.
That was everything I had to say and that was way more than I normally say^^
have a good one and may the force be with you!