'Impaler' sinks his teeth into governor's race
Dane Smith, Star Tribune
Looking for something really, really different in a political
candidate this year? Take a gander at Jonathon (The Impaler) Sharkey,
who will launch his gubernatorial campaign in Princeton, Minn., on
Friday the 13th as a "satanic dark priest" and the leader of
the "Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party."
Since there's nothing but a $300 filing fee to stop anyone from
running for statewide office, campaigns in Minnesota typically
attract colorful and eccentric characters looking for attention. And
of course, former Gov. Jesse Ventura broke the mold and got elected.
But Minnesota may never have seen a more outside-the-box politician
than the Impaler, also a former pro wrestler.
For starters, he describes himself as a "sanguinary vampyre ... just
like you see in the movies and TV, I sink my fangs into the neck of
my donor (at this time in my life, it is my wife, Julie), and drink
their blood," he said in an e-mail. The 13-point platform on his
extensive website (www.jonathonforgovernor.us) offers a number of
conventional policy initiatives, including emphasis on education, tax
breaks for farmers and better benefits for veterans.
Quite some distance from the mainstream, however, is his pledge to
execute -- by impalement in front of the State Capitol -- terrorists,
rapists, drug dealers, child abusers, repeat drunken drivers and
anybody who preys on the elderly. "I'm going to be totally open and
honest," he said. "Unlike other candidates, I'm not going to hide my
evil side."
Sharkey's religious convictions also might be described as well
removed from the middle of the road. Call it compassionate
Satanism. "On a whole, those who worship Lucifer are no more evil
than those who worship other gods," he says on his website. Although
he calls the "Christian God the Father" his "mortal enemy," Sharkey
said he has nothing against Jesus Christ or his followers. But he
thinks God the Father was a poor parent for allowing his son to be
crucified.
Sharkey, 41, is receiving veterans' disability benefits because of a
severe injury in the Army in 1982. On a high-altitude jump while
training as a paratrooper, he says, his main parachute failed and the
reserve chute opened just before he hit the ground "like a ton of
bricks." He has registered as a 2008 presidential candidate with the
Federal Election Commission and says he soon will register with state
campaign officials as a gubernatorial candidate.
Dane Smith 651-292-0164
That's really interesting! I'm always interested in hearing about all of the alternative parties that are emerging in the political scene. This guy sounds a bit like a crackpot, but if someone with the same kinds of interests and convictions were to run, I'd think that person would have a pretty decent backing. As this guy stands, he's pretty much ensured that most Wiccans and more "mainstream" pagans (or Witches who don't want to call any public attention to themselves, whatsoever... like me) wouldn't want to be associated with his party, simply because we've already worked so hard to assure pop society that we're not devil-worshipping, baby-killing, animal-sacrificing succubae and incubae. Well, it's been fun, but I'm going to get back to sleeping, if at all possible. If that's not possible, then I think I'll make some nice placenta stew for lunch and curl up with a copy of The Satanic Bible...
Dane Smith, Star Tribune
Looking for something really, really different in a political
candidate this year? Take a gander at Jonathon (The Impaler) Sharkey,
who will launch his gubernatorial campaign in Princeton, Minn., on
Friday the 13th as a "satanic dark priest" and the leader of
the "Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party."
Since there's nothing but a $300 filing fee to stop anyone from
running for statewide office, campaigns in Minnesota typically
attract colorful and eccentric characters looking for attention. And
of course, former Gov. Jesse Ventura broke the mold and got elected.
But Minnesota may never have seen a more outside-the-box politician
than the Impaler, also a former pro wrestler.
For starters, he describes himself as a "sanguinary vampyre ... just
like you see in the movies and TV, I sink my fangs into the neck of
my donor (at this time in my life, it is my wife, Julie), and drink
their blood," he said in an e-mail. The 13-point platform on his
extensive website (www.jonathonforgovernor.us) offers a number of
conventional policy initiatives, including emphasis on education, tax
breaks for farmers and better benefits for veterans.
Quite some distance from the mainstream, however, is his pledge to
execute -- by impalement in front of the State Capitol -- terrorists,
rapists, drug dealers, child abusers, repeat drunken drivers and
anybody who preys on the elderly. "I'm going to be totally open and
honest," he said. "Unlike other candidates, I'm not going to hide my
evil side."
Sharkey's religious convictions also might be described as well
removed from the middle of the road. Call it compassionate
Satanism. "On a whole, those who worship Lucifer are no more evil
than those who worship other gods," he says on his website. Although
he calls the "Christian God the Father" his "mortal enemy," Sharkey
said he has nothing against Jesus Christ or his followers. But he
thinks God the Father was a poor parent for allowing his son to be
crucified.
Sharkey, 41, is receiving veterans' disability benefits because of a
severe injury in the Army in 1982. On a high-altitude jump while
training as a paratrooper, he says, his main parachute failed and the
reserve chute opened just before he hit the ground "like a ton of
bricks." He has registered as a 2008 presidential candidate with the
Federal Election Commission and says he soon will register with state
campaign officials as a gubernatorial candidate.
Dane Smith 651-292-0164
That's really interesting! I'm always interested in hearing about all of the alternative parties that are emerging in the political scene. This guy sounds a bit like a crackpot, but if someone with the same kinds of interests and convictions were to run, I'd think that person would have a pretty decent backing. As this guy stands, he's pretty much ensured that most Wiccans and more "mainstream" pagans (or Witches who don't want to call any public attention to themselves, whatsoever... like me) wouldn't want to be associated with his party, simply because we've already worked so hard to assure pop society that we're not devil-worshipping, baby-killing, animal-sacrificing succubae and incubae. Well, it's been fun, but I'm going to get back to sleeping, if at all possible. If that's not possible, then I think I'll make some nice placenta stew for lunch and curl up with a copy of The Satanic Bible...