It's late May and been raining and cold all week. It feels like October, 60 degrees and dark all day. I go to the farmer's market and buy the palest pink peonies to cheer myself up. I make tapenade and fresh limeade to remind myself it's late spring. I paint my toenails and shave my legs. But it still feels like October. I hate it.
I'm falling into my bad old ways. I stand outside at night and smoke and smoke, filling up my lungs with badness. I don't cook dinner, everybody fends for themselves. I eat less, and feel dizzy. I make large batches of hot mate tea, and lay around and read. We watch too much TV.
I feel deprived of my springtime, when I'm happy and creative. Now I'm just depressed.
I'm falling into my bad old ways. I stand outside at night and smoke and smoke, filling up my lungs with badness. I don't cook dinner, everybody fends for themselves. I eat less, and feel dizzy. I make large batches of hot mate tea, and lay around and read. We watch too much TV.
I feel deprived of my springtime, when I'm happy and creative. Now I'm just depressed.
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The one good thing about all this rain is that my street smells really good just after the heavy showers; that evergreen smell. Dumb I know, but when its nearly June and its like this, I need to hold onto everything I can. I'm kinda scared summer is going to happen, and be over, some weekend when I'm hungover and hiding in bed.
I've got the bad habit of reading cookery books in bed and then waking up really hungry, dreaming of everthing I wish I had the time to cook. I don't smoke though, and people would look at me in a weird way if I painted my toenails or shaved my legs...
Hope you feel better soon
xxxx r
just thought i'd say hi
but i won't try and blow any pretty colored smoke up your bumm
about how it'll get better!
instead i'll share with you a little thing that i do every day.
i'm a smoker, have been since i was 12. where i work is kind of a govt. style bunker. i.e. lots of concrete.
so i've got to stand outside in this compound courtyard to smoke and can only see the sky because the walls are about ten feet tall
some days this bumms me out, like i'm in prison or something.
but in one corner there is a crack in the wall and over the last 3 yaers it's gradualy gotten bigger.
this year a dandelion has taken root there, and flowers about once every two weeks. the grounds keepers religiously(sp)
yank it out, and then my ten minutes will be reduced to concrete and sky. but it keeps coming back. sometimes within 2 days it'll have another flower.
there's just some part of it's adamant nature to thrive in this inhospitable place, that makes me smile to myself.
thats all!
[Edited on May 23, 2003]