Lets just put this out there. Although explaining it may not help how idiotic it sounds, it'll probably make me feel better.
I met Jeremy when I was 18 when I started at the school district. While neither of us talked about it then, it was pretty awesome. We connected immediately. We confided in each other, hung out at work together, and he even drove me to the ER when some big metal blinds fell on my head. I interrupted him by being done with the doctor just as he was getting to the boobs in a National Geographic. Summer ended, I moved up to part-time at another building, we kept in touch.
In 2004, like July, I got hired on as full time. I was given a decision, school A or school B. School B was where Jeremy had just got his first manager position. It wasn't even so much a choice in my mind. B. I got there in August. The connection was there, just as strong as ever. We were both in failing relationships, and helped each other cope. By December he had kissed me, and it was just amazing. We kept things as kosher as possible, he was going through the end of his marriage and that was scary enough for him. We would try to get together, see each other when we could. We broke off all contact twice at his request, it crushed me each time but in my mind I knew that it would be temporary. It was.
Later, he got promoted and left school B. It was a very happy thing, but also a very sad time. In this time I had also learned that my mom had cancer and my roommate was a fruit loop. It was a bad time. I rarely, if ever, saw or talked to him for a period of time. It felt terrible. I don't remember when the change came.. we saw each other off and on and off again, thru things and friends at work.
2006 was much of the same. Trying to find each other, going on my first motorcycle ride (there is nothing better) and blahblahblah. September of 2006 I bought my house, his grandpa's house. He was always helping me move. It was very exciting. As of January 2006 his marriage was officially over. He moved back in to his parents and we got to see each other more often. Our relationship blossomed. There was nothing better then spending time with him. I met and fell in love with his family and friends.
So it has been. We've had our shares of ups and downs since then. He is a mega-flirt and compulsively lies about it, which caused a trust issue with me. I wouldn't mind the flirting so much if he were more transparent about these women. If I know who someone is and figure they are not a threat, I'm not gonna be weird about it.
I don't know what the point of this was. Anyway. I love him deeply, and he is truly what I want. He has quirks. He has growing up to do and things to realize too I guess. I guess this space is good for both of us, I think we both needed a reality check.
I found out today that this lady IS just a friend (you know what they say about bikers? well, biker 'wives' are worse. we will find out EVERYTHING we need to know. ALWAYS.) so i did NOT get dumped for a 38 y/o. That makes me feel better. Mostly because I still hold on to the hope that in a while we can try again. We have hurt each other deeply (whether or not I totally understand his hurt) but I do believe that the love we have is stronger.
I miss everything about him, and I know exactly what I would change (and also what I would expect from him) if we can give this a second chance. For humor's sake, I'll throw out the following: road head.
In all seriousness: transparency & respect. What I guess I am seeking here is to understand this point: I love this man. He is not perfect, and I don't want him to be. I can't help but love him, it's built in to me.
I have things to do in the mean time, and I wouldn't be needing to make out with boys anyway. (God I miss the sex. And kisses. And making out.) Also, it's not like I haven't been in love with him and alone before. Things will right themselves, I feel hopeful about that.
My dad is helping me refinance my Jeep. I'm going to get a second job and pay down debts and hopefully have a bike of my own by October or my birthday.
I've got plans, I've got a track to follow, I've got a direction and something to look forward to. Sounds about right.
I met Jeremy when I was 18 when I started at the school district. While neither of us talked about it then, it was pretty awesome. We connected immediately. We confided in each other, hung out at work together, and he even drove me to the ER when some big metal blinds fell on my head. I interrupted him by being done with the doctor just as he was getting to the boobs in a National Geographic. Summer ended, I moved up to part-time at another building, we kept in touch.
In 2004, like July, I got hired on as full time. I was given a decision, school A or school B. School B was where Jeremy had just got his first manager position. It wasn't even so much a choice in my mind. B. I got there in August. The connection was there, just as strong as ever. We were both in failing relationships, and helped each other cope. By December he had kissed me, and it was just amazing. We kept things as kosher as possible, he was going through the end of his marriage and that was scary enough for him. We would try to get together, see each other when we could. We broke off all contact twice at his request, it crushed me each time but in my mind I knew that it would be temporary. It was.
Later, he got promoted and left school B. It was a very happy thing, but also a very sad time. In this time I had also learned that my mom had cancer and my roommate was a fruit loop. It was a bad time. I rarely, if ever, saw or talked to him for a period of time. It felt terrible. I don't remember when the change came.. we saw each other off and on and off again, thru things and friends at work.
2006 was much of the same. Trying to find each other, going on my first motorcycle ride (there is nothing better) and blahblahblah. September of 2006 I bought my house, his grandpa's house. He was always helping me move. It was very exciting. As of January 2006 his marriage was officially over. He moved back in to his parents and we got to see each other more often. Our relationship blossomed. There was nothing better then spending time with him. I met and fell in love with his family and friends.
So it has been. We've had our shares of ups and downs since then. He is a mega-flirt and compulsively lies about it, which caused a trust issue with me. I wouldn't mind the flirting so much if he were more transparent about these women. If I know who someone is and figure they are not a threat, I'm not gonna be weird about it.
I don't know what the point of this was. Anyway. I love him deeply, and he is truly what I want. He has quirks. He has growing up to do and things to realize too I guess. I guess this space is good for both of us, I think we both needed a reality check.
I found out today that this lady IS just a friend (you know what they say about bikers? well, biker 'wives' are worse. we will find out EVERYTHING we need to know. ALWAYS.) so i did NOT get dumped for a 38 y/o. That makes me feel better. Mostly because I still hold on to the hope that in a while we can try again. We have hurt each other deeply (whether or not I totally understand his hurt) but I do believe that the love we have is stronger.
I miss everything about him, and I know exactly what I would change (and also what I would expect from him) if we can give this a second chance. For humor's sake, I'll throw out the following: road head.
In all seriousness: transparency & respect. What I guess I am seeking here is to understand this point: I love this man. He is not perfect, and I don't want him to be. I can't help but love him, it's built in to me.
I have things to do in the mean time, and I wouldn't be needing to make out with boys anyway. (God I miss the sex. And kisses. And making out.) Also, it's not like I haven't been in love with him and alone before. Things will right themselves, I feel hopeful about that.
My dad is helping me refinance my Jeep. I'm going to get a second job and pay down debts and hopefully have a bike of my own by October or my birthday.
I've got plans, I've got a track to follow, I've got a direction and something to look forward to. Sounds about right.
boogieman0330:
Keep it going and follow your plan. You have it set to get what you want, keep going.