Suppose this account is coming to an end.
I may be found at www.myspace.com/alexxei
I may be found at www.myspace.com/alexxei
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
annalee:
Happy birthday xx
xx
redheadedleague:
Have a fine birthday.
Since the day I cut all of my hair off, Ive had many new adventures Ive had pain and realizations I took a trip a few weeks ago with some close friends to see "The Purple Lady" She spent the day in Colorado Springs and I went to meet her. She told me many things a lot of what I already know, she further broke...
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VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
andersin:
I really wish this frozen pizza would cook already...30 min's...that's ridiulous! I bet you're havin a blast now, and hope those sketch-balls didn't pillage your cards, or else... 
hadjischlomo:
It sounds as if you've made a breaktrhrough. You've been through some tough things, and these pose a huge challenge to all the false ideas about life that live in our heads, in everyone's head. These false ideas are all that keeps any of us down. It's just that some shit that happens can be shocking and overwhelming, and it's hard not to think that outside events hurt us. The encouraging part is that, without ugly shocking things in our lives, we would never see the way out, and never find the resolve to leave the bullshit behind and truly become alive.
For you to just insist on finding a way to enjoy EVERYTHING, even the shitty things, is a very powerful state of mind. Everybody's mind is full of harmful garbage; some people are not courageous or honest enough to admit it, or have suppressed the garbage so thoroughly that they don't see it. Just being able to say you've had enough gives you the power, so long as you remember you've had enough.
We just have to decide to be happy (or not), regardless of what happens to us, or regardless what we must do, or how long it takes, to sort out the consequences of our damaging thoughts, or shitty decisions we might have made. We think outside events hurt us, but there is a part of us that no one can touch. Even though outside things can be a "challenge," it's good to remember that nothing in the world matters. All that matters is that we AWAKEN, and become more aware.
To gain awareness, one need only find a way to observe oneself, without self-judgment, condmenation or praise, and how we react to things, and what false things our mind is constantly telling us. If you remember to watch yourself, let go, and things become clear. The moment we listen to the false voices in our heads, and then scurry around thinking we must "DO" this or that, or change this thing or that thing, is the moment we lose all power.
No kidding -- to admit you are confused is a major step, and probably a point of no return (in a good way). As long as you keep seeking, and stay on the path, things will improve regardless of what's happening in the outside world. Don't burden yourself with trying to figure everything out. The intellect can only do so much, and other people's bullshit ideas about how to live are usually harmful, no matter how well-intentioned. If society had the answers, things would not keep getting crazier. The ugly truth is the extent to which society's ideas influence us. Even when we rebel against them, they still define us when we're so busy rejecting them that we distract ourselve from figuring out what's right for US. Consder, though, that most people live and die as ROBOTS, automatons, who despite appearances are nothing more than the sum of their genes, and of whatever influence and damage they've taken on in the sausage grinder of life.
I have to disagree with Fraktal P. All the necessary power is at your disposal. Don't beat yourself up if you only remember this a few times a day, and don't quit seeking, even if you have to fall on your ass a thousand times. Just get up, dust yourself off, and stay on the path. And remember that society, even people you believed were your close friends, may try to cause you more problems if they detect a change in you and the change threatens their comfortable ideas about life.
Your own ego will fight you, too, and play tricks on you. With any luck, you will start to see this as you go about your day, and you can calmly call bullshit on it.
It sounds as if you've made a breaktrhrough. You've been through some tough things, and these pose a huge challenge to all the false ideas about life that live in our heads, in everyone's head. These false ideas are all that keeps any of us down. It's just that some shit that happens can be shocking and overwhelming, and it's hard not to think that outside events hurt us. The encouraging part is that, without ugly shocking things in our lives, we would never see the way out, and never find the resolve to leave the bullshit behind and truly become alive.
For you to just insist on finding a way to enjoy EVERYTHING, even the shitty things, is a very powerful state of mind. Everybody's mind is full of harmful garbage; some people are not courageous or honest enough to admit it, or have suppressed the garbage so thoroughly that they don't see it. Just being able to say you've had enough gives you the power, so long as you remember you've had enough.
We just have to decide to be happy (or not), regardless of what happens to us, or regardless what we must do, or how long it takes, to sort out the consequences of our damaging thoughts, or shitty decisions we might have made. We think outside events hurt us, but there is a part of us that no one can touch. Even though outside things can be a "challenge," it's good to remember that nothing in the world matters. All that matters is that we AWAKEN, and become more aware.
To gain awareness, one need only find a way to observe oneself, without self-judgment, condmenation or praise, and how we react to things, and what false things our mind is constantly telling us. If you remember to watch yourself, let go, and things become clear. The moment we listen to the false voices in our heads, and then scurry around thinking we must "DO" this or that, or change this thing or that thing, is the moment we lose all power.
No kidding -- to admit you are confused is a major step, and probably a point of no return (in a good way). As long as you keep seeking, and stay on the path, things will improve regardless of what's happening in the outside world. Don't burden yourself with trying to figure everything out. The intellect can only do so much, and other people's bullshit ideas about how to live are usually harmful, no matter how well-intentioned. If society had the answers, things would not keep getting crazier. The ugly truth is the extent to which society's ideas influence us. Even when we rebel against them, they still define us when we're so busy rejecting them that we distract ourselve from figuring out what's right for US. Consder, though, that most people live and die as ROBOTS, automatons, who despite appearances are nothing more than the sum of their genes, and of whatever influence and damage they've taken on in the sausage grinder of life.
I have to disagree with Fraktal P. All the necessary power is at your disposal. Don't beat yourself up if you only remember this a few times a day, and don't quit seeking, even if you have to fall on your ass a thousand times. Just get up, dust yourself off, and stay on the path. And remember that society, even people you believed were your close friends, may try to cause you more problems if they detect a change in you and the change threatens their comfortable ideas about life.
Your own ego will fight you, too, and play tricks on you. With any luck, you will start to see this as you go about your day, and you can calmly call bullshit on it.
Back.....
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
andersin:
It's soo much better! I must confess though I had more PBR last night @ Benders (I'm on a budget) 
Hopefully you're doing something fun this weekend b/c I will be studying my ass off. Maybe I'll go out tomorrow...we'll see.
Hopefully you're doing something fun this weekend b/c I will be studying my ass off. Maybe I'll go out tomorrow...we'll see.
andersin:
I was supposed to go to Cafe Netherworld last night to see an acquaintance's band "deviant" or somethin' like that.
Instead I stayed in Boulder, watched my friend Max play an acoustic set @ the Goat, and watched "Capote", which was a fucking joke! I can not believe that won best picture! Transparent at best...I wanted to laugh every time P.S. Hoffman opened his mouth. Anyways, I still haven't checked out the Netherworld, but I will one day. Have a great day!
Instead I stayed in Boulder, watched my friend Max play an acoustic set @ the Goat, and watched "Capote", which was a fucking joke! I can not believe that won best picture! Transparent at best...I wanted to laugh every time P.S. Hoffman opened his mouth. Anyways, I still haven't checked out the Netherworld, but I will one day. Have a great day!
I've been distant, searching for the entrance of
infinity. The entrance to the abyss. The entrance to
the answers. Then... I come to find out, I'm sitting
right in the center of it.. looking around at it all
with it watching me, laughing.. So... needless to say,
i'm sitting here, a bit confused, stressed, depressed,
obsessed with nothingness.
This world confuses the shit out of...
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infinity. The entrance to the abyss. The entrance to
the answers. Then... I come to find out, I'm sitting
right in the center of it.. looking around at it all
with it watching me, laughing.. So... needless to say,
i'm sitting here, a bit confused, stressed, depressed,
obsessed with nothingness.
This world confuses the shit out of...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
caellum:
you've got wings!!!!
-caellum
-caellum
aristar:
Collected images of nothing.
Every morning, half asleep, chronically running late I get into my car find something to listen to, always in contemplation of what the day will bring, stresses, things to look forward to, that the day might possibly go by quickly so I can get back home and do something with my life. Often in the morning, I remember bits of dreams things that ran through...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
caellum:
nice new profile pic. 
The burlesque show was awesome! Did you get the chance to go?
-caellum
The burlesque show was awesome! Did you get the chance to go?
-caellum
caellum:
Yeah, I went, It did kick ass! I'm sure they will do it again next year. Make sure you go!!!
-caellum
-caellum
BAH I HATE PEOPLE
I hate weddings....even more.. I hate shooting weddings. I like money though. I'm full of random statements today. 
caellum:
You going to the suicide girls burlesque on October 27th? only $13.00 and it was awesome last year!
www.nipp.com
Search for "Suicide Girls"
-caellum
www.nipp.com
Search for "Suicide Girls"
-caellum
Been up to some photography with my roomate Geo and Sophia_augusta, been wanting to do some stuff with them, they both have great talent and I think we're on to something wicked. Will be posting some of them in my photo album, have a few for now.. iwill have more later when I have enough time to edit.
HAHA!! Went to Church with Geo on sunday followed by mass quantitys of Tequila.. Was interesting to say the least! He's a crazy fuck who is also my roomate. always up for exploring other peoples lives! Enjoyed it much.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
caellum:
It's a club on Lincoln and 10th(?). Better music.
-caellum
-caellum
sophia_augusta:
No, she actually went to CHURCH, not the idiosyncratic 'Church', the club that has hip-hop night as well as the token goth staples..
Her church had Jesus, bible, sermon...
Her church had Jesus, bible, sermon...
So yes I went to this show.. was not that impressed with what they've done with the old Onyx... 
actually made me kind of sad being that this was the first time i've been back since they've changed over.... the burlesque show was entertaining enough.. but still.. /sigh.. miss the Onyx....
actually made me kind of sad being that this was the first time i've been back since they've changed over.... the burlesque show was entertaining enough.. but still.. /sigh.. miss the Onyx....VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
caellum:
Er, guess not. I was at the Fluff Girl Burlesque show last night, it was at Bender's Tavern, which I think was the old Onyx.(?). Some girl who resembled you and seemed to be hangin with Vivienne VaVoom was handing out flyers for this burlesque group, http://burlesqueasitwas.com/, which has a show next week.
but, clearly, no, that person was not you.
-caellum
but, clearly, no, that person was not you.
-caellum
aristar:
I'm at this point: having just moved, just settled in over the weekend in my new place, put my curtains up.. Lizzy has somewhat settled in (my cat). Its starting to feel like home, but I wonder.. if I'll ever feel like staying in one place, not running, not moving, not getting the fuck out.. and in more ways than one, job, relationship, life, needing to get the fuck out of my head sometimes... ???
I've spent so much of my time settled into something that was false, the clarity of all of this is breathtaking. I think this will be in my mind for some time... I guess you could say i'm glad for this, I would rather have feelings of lonliness and being scared than feeling stuck and stranded. Is that common sense? have I been totally blind to it all along?
I've spent so much of my time settled into something that was false, the clarity of all of this is breathtaking. I think this will be in my mind for some time... I guess you could say i'm glad for this, I would rather have feelings of lonliness and being scared than feeling stuck and stranded. Is that common sense? have I been totally blind to it all along?