ariadnelefay

Ok, so I'm not typically one to be like "OMG Drama", but I'm so pissed off and disgusted right now that I feel as if I will explode if I don't get some of this off my chest.

Ok, so two weeks ago, I broke up with Mark, my boyfriend of two years. My reasons being that we couldn't communicate (in other words, he wouldn't fucking talk to me) and the fact that he wanted to do things with other girls, which I tried to be ok with, but couldn't be. When I told him this, he didn't seem to care, and it didn't change matters. I couldn't be with a boy that wanted to fuck any half-way attractive pussy that walks by.

He was so different when we started dating, *sigh*. I have no idea what fucking happened. Where is the boy that I fell in love with?

And yes, I do have a new boy, who I am ever so fond of. He and Mark have been friends since they were in elementary school. Travis asked Mark about it, and he said that he didn't care (Mark always claimed that he wouldn't care if I fucked another guy while we were dating). Why did it take me so long to see how fucked up that is?

So this is the kicker. *Drum Roll*

So Travis and I have been kind enough to not so much as kiss in front of Mark. Pretty much everyone knows that we're dating, but we have only been doing things behind closed doors. Which I prefer actually.
Mark has been fooling around with a girl who I am kind of friends with. And in so many words, because there's no way of saying this without sounding like a complete bitch, she is nothing compared to me. She is not the least bit intelligent, whitty, pretty, interesting or mature. She's a complete rebound girl, and I am aware of this. They have been kind enough to make out half naked in front of me while I'm trying to watch a movie. I even had to kick them off of Travis's bed. How charming.

Then last night, they decided that they were doing to have sex in Cal's room (Travis's roommate) while we were all trying to watch Clerks 2 (except for Travis, who had gone to bed because he didn't feel well). Cal's room doesn't have a door, so we could hear everything, and I was trying to ignore it. Then Rachel yells for Norman to bring her a condom. That's when I just loose it. I burst into tears because I'm so angry and disgusted. I run into Travis's room, jump into his bed, scare the shit out of him, and just start bawling. He has no idea what's going on. And, in fact, thinks that I'm mad at him at first. I explain to him what is happening just a few feet away from us. I just cry, I'm not even sure why, I'm just so angry and disgusted that they would have sex, meaningless, petty sex, without any regard for the fact that I am in the house and can hear EVERYTHING! How fucking tacky is that?
How could I have dated such a bastard?
So I talk to Travis, and basically conclude that the reason I'm so upset by their actions is not that I still have feelings for Mark, because I don't, and after that I don't think I ever could again. The reason I was so upset was because it made me feel as if our entire 2 year relationship was a huge lie. I felt used, I felt like he never really loved me, he just wanted to shove his dick in someone. I was the first girl he ever had sex with. And excuse me for believing that one should only have sex with people you truly care about, and preferably love. I am so pissed off a disgusted by meaningless sex. It is the most revolting thing that I could possibly imagine. To further my suspicions, Mark and I never had trouble with our relationship until I stopped wanting to fool around because I felt like we had grown apart, and I didn't want to be physical when I felt so far away from him. Also, when I tried to tell him that us fooling around with other girls made me uncomfortable, and that I didn't feel like it was helping our relationship, he said that the reason he wanted to fool around with other girls was because I didn't feel like doing anything. He never cared about why I didn't want to do anything, he just cared about the fact that I didn't.

So basically, I felt like our entire two year relationship was based on the fact that he wanted to fuck me. He didn't care about my intelligence, or my passion.

So after he and Rachel are finished, he walks into Travis's room to collect stuff before he has to go. I'm sitting on Travis's bed, wrapped in a blanket, looking like shit. My eye makeup in smeared everywhere, and my cheeks and nose are red. On his way out the door, I give him this terrible look that I only give people who I am truly disgusted with, and my tone of voice is cold as ice. I ask" So, did you fuck her." He stops and just stares at me, I keep direct eye contact. "Really, I want to know just how little I meant to you." He continues to stare. "There's not even a fucking door you bastard." He stares for a few more seconds and walks out of the room. He's such a fucking coward that he couldn't even admit to me what he had just done. And Rachel, being the fucking brilliant girl she is, tells Travis that she doesn't understand why I'm so mad, and she doesn't understand what she's done to upset me. I told you this girl was a fucking dumbshit. She's so fucking thick, that she has sex with a friend's ex-boyfriend, isn't the least bit discreet about it, and then is confused as to why the ex-girlfriend is upset by this. Fucking brilliant.

This happened last night, and I am still livid. I could barely sleep I'm so pissed off. I'm not one to get pissed off easily and about petty things.

I don't know what to think or do. I've tried not to think about it, but I can't. I just keep replaying the events in my head. I keep pulling away parts of Mark and my relationship, trying to convince myself that it wasn't completely meaningless. That I wasn't just used under false pretenses.

I feel so expendable.

Words of wisom or comfort anyone?

XxAriadnexX