Elainael tagged me. Kiss his profile picture in gratitude.
So if I have this right it's twenty things about myself. Okey dokey, I'm game (obviously because if I didn't want to do this... yadda, yadda, etc, headslap).
1) Although I do not consider myself sXe (straight edge for those not in the know, it's a pretty smart acroymn, well for the internet) I do live the lifestyle. This leads me to the conclusion that if someone needs to define and quantify their way of life said person has insecurity issues.
2) My Mum actually came across this blog the other day. She saw it and seemed impressed, even with the nudity. This kinda freaked me out. What she wasn't impressed with is the swearing so, Mumsie, if you're reading this - AA is a fucking no-good shitbag. I'm good with swear words. Incidentally Mum found this while googling 'poker shetland'. Fuck knows who else has come across this site doing the same thing. Actually I should pimp Stuart Fox's number here since he's doing good things with the Shetland poker scene but I'm not about to drape his number over the internet. He'd kick my ass. Yup.
3) I'm waaaaaaay more verbose and verbal over the internet than socially. The way I see it is out socially I'm polite, friendly and stumble over words far too often for my taste. The internet challenges my writing ability. It's too easy to write simple words - writing big-pimping style is far more satisfying. And ego-boosting. Although simplicity can be great - the English subtitles on House of Flying Daggers carried that across phenomenally well.
4) I have only ever been utterly smitten by girls whose first names begin with either E, L or K. My favourite letter in the alphabet is S. My favourite number is 12. My favourite Sesame Street character is Oscar the Grouch. My favourite Sesame Street character I'd fight is Big Bird - the yellow fucker has some reach.
5) My favourite joke (at the moment) is as follows: What has four wheels, eight legs and a big, black c*nt? The A-Team.
6) I got into the NFL in 1988. My favourite teams were either going to be Chicago or New England. This is because I had a Jim Covert card and an Andre Tippett card. I picked Chicago because Jim was a better name than Andre (actually it still is - can you imagine DeForest Kelly making 'damnit Andre' sound good? Nor can I.) The lowest point as a Bears fan was waking up at 3 in the morning to watch highlights of Joe Montana lacing up the Bears. My highest point was THAT 2001 game against the 49ers. The best game I've ever seen was the 2001 Superbowl between the Patriots and Rams - I was on my feet from the moment Ty Law returned THAT interception. Mike Brown is my favourite Bear. LaDainian Tomlinson is my favourite player. You may have stopped reading this point because you're not into football like I am. Tough. I got tagged. This is my reaction ala mines in the field.
7) I have not thrown a strike at anyone in anger since I was 14. That came about because this guy was winding everyone up and I had enough. He pushed me. I swung my fist. His nose gushed blood. That was it. He really could have beat the hell out of me if he wanted - he knows karate. But he didn't we're cool now.
8) The first album I bought was Dance Massive. The first PROPER ALBUM I bought was Pantera's Vulgar Display of Power. The last album I bought was Pantera's Great Southern Trendkill. The first proper mp3 I downloaded was Limp Bizkit's Take A Look Around. It will be a long time before I buy another album - probably when the Chili's release their next opus.
9) The first film I remember watching is Star Wars. The first film I slept through was Star Wars. The funniest film I've ever watched was Full Metal Jacket (all that swearing so late at night. I was like Beavis and Butthead that time they weren't allowed to laugh during sex ed class). My favourite film is Glengarry Glen Ross. The worst film is No Mercy with Richard Gere. The last film I watched was I, Robot. My favourite film I've been in is You Sanctimonious Asshole followed by What Are The Three Rules. My favourite trailer is the Pokersuck! (As an aside I'll let you know when that traile ris up. We're putting in on Putfile pending Pandy's agreement to be viewed by the internet (read: The Hindu Cow actually asking him - he see him more than Egg and I).
10) The first, and best, Steven Seagal film I watched was Hard to Kill. Bad guys killed his wife. Seagal has to recover from a coma and kick their ass. The first SEAGAL film I watched (after coining the term) was Fire Down Below. Bad guys are fucking with the envirnoment. Seagal has to kick their ass. A SEAGAL film is a film lacking in production values, logic or both that the hiliarity caused destroys the legitamacy of the film. My favourite SEAGAL film characteristic is the Seagal nonsenscial logic flaw. My least favourite SEAGAL favourite characteristic is the bad dubbing. That does not include THE PATRIOT (Bad guys infect a town with a deadly disease. Seagal has find a cure and kick their ass) because he's actually speaking with that accent. My favourite SEAGAL film is OUT OF REACH (Bad guys kidnap Seagal's kiddie pen friend and chums to pimp out. Seagal has to kick their ass) because it is the funniest Seagal film. My worst SEAGAL film is THE FOREIGNER (don't you dare ask me what happens in that fucking travesty...) because it really made my head hurt. Steven Seagal is in his fifties. I am in my twenties. When I am in my fifties Seagal will be in his eighties.
11) I like poker because it is the one game in life you can rip out a man's balls with two cards and still be friends at the end of it. I've had a Royal Flush once. My biggest win came in a 400+ player freeroll tournament.
12) Writing point 10 has taken then stuffing out of me.
13) The one thing I will run away from like a screaming bitch are those Krites from Critters. Those vicious little bastards gave me nightmares until I saw Critters 3. When I knew they were shot into space I slept much easier. They still terrify me to this day. My personal hell is being eaten alive by that massive Critter-ball from Critters 2. I wish nothing but nastiness on those vile fucks that came up with the concept. They owe me bigtime for all those nightmares.
14) Anyone that ever slaps a picture, or post a link towards, of those evil fuckers from point 13 in my journal, e-mail or anywhere in my vicinity will be booted off my friends list (cyber or real - I discard family members like Ron Jeremy does condoms), ignored and have their name so viciously fucked over in my books (because I'm going to be bigtime baby) they'll need to change their name to John (or Joan) Smith and prey I don't take a pick against the Smiths of this world. I am that serious on this issue. I ripped a page out of Empire because they had such an offending picture.
15) What I look for in a job is comfortable environments, good people as co-workers and bosses, to be left alone to work, to see my work appreciated, to be satisfied by my work and a good wage in relation to the work I do. I currently am in a job that fits that criteria sweetly.
16) The one mistake I'd like to go back in time and fix is signing up for a credit card. The dumbest thing I've ever done. That said, if a credit card is the biggest thing I'd change then I'm doing somethign right with my life. Number two would be not watching Critters 2 when I was 10.
17) I Had Trouble in Getting to Solla Sollew by Dr Seuss was the first book I ever read. I loved it that much Mum made Dad go to the library, tell them it had been ruined and pay the fine. The last book I read was Rope Burns by F.X. Toole. It contained the stories the awesome Million Dollar baby was based on. The book I'm reading at the moment is Freaky Deaky by Elmore Leonard. I gave up on it, went back to it and loving it now. My favourite author is Chuck Palahniuk. My favourite book is 1984 - Orwell had to have had a glimpse of this future, he HAD to.
18) The first video game I played was Space Invaders. My favourite video game is the Front Office Football series. (Where else can you sign a league MVP from a division rival (Davidson) to back up your perrenial Pro-Bowler (Grossredier) and then have the following season: Grossreider starts first 3 games, struggles, gets hurt. Davidson comes in, plays decently next 4, gets hurt. Grossreidier comes back. Plays next 2 awesomely (one win, one loss), gets hurt. Davidson comes back, posts perfect game, gets hurt. 3rd stringer (Terence Grainger - holy fuck I can't believe I remembered that - I traded Thurman Gaither to San Diego because I had Grainger. Then I picked up Davidson.) comes in, plays cack. Rush back Davidson, keep him rest of the season. He wins the rest - including Super Bowl. By far the most stressful gaming experience I've ever had (the injuries I had to deal with against a tight cap were insane) - which includes the stunning Tekken comback versus Macrae. How do you follow that up. Answer: you resign. Take job in New Orleans. Sign Thurman Gaither. Take Saints to NFC Championship. Sack the coach (who was the same coach I sacked when I took the Denver job - Jack McWilliams, he sucked.) Win 5 of next 8 Super Bowls before game corrupts and crashes. That's what you do, champ.)
19) My dream job would be to write professional wrestling while rich-as-flip and at my leisure. Seriously. Wrestling when done right is the best reason televisions were invented. Guys slugging the hell out of each other for a bloody good reason is insanely euphoric. You don't give a flip that it's not 'real' - it's the fight, the moment that enthralls and you're proud to be a fan of this scummy industry. When it's done otherwise it's embarrassing trash that you feel ashamed to invest time and money in when you could be snorting drugs off a stripper's tits.
20) Dating back to last year I am 13-1 in my last 14 NFL.com Fantasy Football matches. Yay-HOO fantasy footbal doesn't count. My secret to my success? Listen to Peter King when he talks about the Cowboys.
Jesus feeding peasents fish, that's twenty already. Tweak my tingle-tangle. What time is it... feh.
The following 4 are tagged.
Beautiful_Hatred (Hah remembered the underscore!)
Monstro (Hah, I'm thankful I didn't have to type Weirdomanson without looking at the keyboard. F'n hell. I've probably type 1,000,000 words and I still need to look at the keyboard while I type. Pitiful)
SweetIyvie (Hah, typed that without looking at the keyboard)
TheScottness (Hah, I almost typed ScottnessThe)
Would be five but Scagnetti gave up the ghost here long time hence. Criteria simple: The above were the first few friends I made on here and that are still here. Unlike me come December. I split like Hadjuk did once. Christ I'll ned to tell them they've been tagged. Ah fuck it, I'll do it tomorrow if you haven't already seen it by then.
I shall quickly reread this... done. Now I sleep like log.
Versitility!
So if I have this right it's twenty things about myself. Okey dokey, I'm game (obviously because if I didn't want to do this... yadda, yadda, etc, headslap).
1) Although I do not consider myself sXe (straight edge for those not in the know, it's a pretty smart acroymn, well for the internet) I do live the lifestyle. This leads me to the conclusion that if someone needs to define and quantify their way of life said person has insecurity issues.
2) My Mum actually came across this blog the other day. She saw it and seemed impressed, even with the nudity. This kinda freaked me out. What she wasn't impressed with is the swearing so, Mumsie, if you're reading this - AA is a fucking no-good shitbag. I'm good with swear words. Incidentally Mum found this while googling 'poker shetland'. Fuck knows who else has come across this site doing the same thing. Actually I should pimp Stuart Fox's number here since he's doing good things with the Shetland poker scene but I'm not about to drape his number over the internet. He'd kick my ass. Yup.
3) I'm waaaaaaay more verbose and verbal over the internet than socially. The way I see it is out socially I'm polite, friendly and stumble over words far too often for my taste. The internet challenges my writing ability. It's too easy to write simple words - writing big-pimping style is far more satisfying. And ego-boosting. Although simplicity can be great - the English subtitles on House of Flying Daggers carried that across phenomenally well.
4) I have only ever been utterly smitten by girls whose first names begin with either E, L or K. My favourite letter in the alphabet is S. My favourite number is 12. My favourite Sesame Street character is Oscar the Grouch. My favourite Sesame Street character I'd fight is Big Bird - the yellow fucker has some reach.
5) My favourite joke (at the moment) is as follows: What has four wheels, eight legs and a big, black c*nt? The A-Team.
6) I got into the NFL in 1988. My favourite teams were either going to be Chicago or New England. This is because I had a Jim Covert card and an Andre Tippett card. I picked Chicago because Jim was a better name than Andre (actually it still is - can you imagine DeForest Kelly making 'damnit Andre' sound good? Nor can I.) The lowest point as a Bears fan was waking up at 3 in the morning to watch highlights of Joe Montana lacing up the Bears. My highest point was THAT 2001 game against the 49ers. The best game I've ever seen was the 2001 Superbowl between the Patriots and Rams - I was on my feet from the moment Ty Law returned THAT interception. Mike Brown is my favourite Bear. LaDainian Tomlinson is my favourite player. You may have stopped reading this point because you're not into football like I am. Tough. I got tagged. This is my reaction ala mines in the field.
7) I have not thrown a strike at anyone in anger since I was 14. That came about because this guy was winding everyone up and I had enough. He pushed me. I swung my fist. His nose gushed blood. That was it. He really could have beat the hell out of me if he wanted - he knows karate. But he didn't we're cool now.
8) The first album I bought was Dance Massive. The first PROPER ALBUM I bought was Pantera's Vulgar Display of Power. The last album I bought was Pantera's Great Southern Trendkill. The first proper mp3 I downloaded was Limp Bizkit's Take A Look Around. It will be a long time before I buy another album - probably when the Chili's release their next opus.
9) The first film I remember watching is Star Wars. The first film I slept through was Star Wars. The funniest film I've ever watched was Full Metal Jacket (all that swearing so late at night. I was like Beavis and Butthead that time they weren't allowed to laugh during sex ed class). My favourite film is Glengarry Glen Ross. The worst film is No Mercy with Richard Gere. The last film I watched was I, Robot. My favourite film I've been in is You Sanctimonious Asshole followed by What Are The Three Rules. My favourite trailer is the Pokersuck! (As an aside I'll let you know when that traile ris up. We're putting in on Putfile pending Pandy's agreement to be viewed by the internet (read: The Hindu Cow actually asking him - he see him more than Egg and I).
10) The first, and best, Steven Seagal film I watched was Hard to Kill. Bad guys killed his wife. Seagal has to recover from a coma and kick their ass. The first SEAGAL film I watched (after coining the term) was Fire Down Below. Bad guys are fucking with the envirnoment. Seagal has to kick their ass. A SEAGAL film is a film lacking in production values, logic or both that the hiliarity caused destroys the legitamacy of the film. My favourite SEAGAL film characteristic is the Seagal nonsenscial logic flaw. My least favourite SEAGAL favourite characteristic is the bad dubbing. That does not include THE PATRIOT (Bad guys infect a town with a deadly disease. Seagal has find a cure and kick their ass) because he's actually speaking with that accent. My favourite SEAGAL film is OUT OF REACH (Bad guys kidnap Seagal's kiddie pen friend and chums to pimp out. Seagal has to kick their ass) because it is the funniest Seagal film. My worst SEAGAL film is THE FOREIGNER (don't you dare ask me what happens in that fucking travesty...) because it really made my head hurt. Steven Seagal is in his fifties. I am in my twenties. When I am in my fifties Seagal will be in his eighties.
11) I like poker because it is the one game in life you can rip out a man's balls with two cards and still be friends at the end of it. I've had a Royal Flush once. My biggest win came in a 400+ player freeroll tournament.
12) Writing point 10 has taken then stuffing out of me.
13) The one thing I will run away from like a screaming bitch are those Krites from Critters. Those vicious little bastards gave me nightmares until I saw Critters 3. When I knew they were shot into space I slept much easier. They still terrify me to this day. My personal hell is being eaten alive by that massive Critter-ball from Critters 2. I wish nothing but nastiness on those vile fucks that came up with the concept. They owe me bigtime for all those nightmares.
14) Anyone that ever slaps a picture, or post a link towards, of those evil fuckers from point 13 in my journal, e-mail or anywhere in my vicinity will be booted off my friends list (cyber or real - I discard family members like Ron Jeremy does condoms), ignored and have their name so viciously fucked over in my books (because I'm going to be bigtime baby) they'll need to change their name to John (or Joan) Smith and prey I don't take a pick against the Smiths of this world. I am that serious on this issue. I ripped a page out of Empire because they had such an offending picture.
15) What I look for in a job is comfortable environments, good people as co-workers and bosses, to be left alone to work, to see my work appreciated, to be satisfied by my work and a good wage in relation to the work I do. I currently am in a job that fits that criteria sweetly.
16) The one mistake I'd like to go back in time and fix is signing up for a credit card. The dumbest thing I've ever done. That said, if a credit card is the biggest thing I'd change then I'm doing somethign right with my life. Number two would be not watching Critters 2 when I was 10.
17) I Had Trouble in Getting to Solla Sollew by Dr Seuss was the first book I ever read. I loved it that much Mum made Dad go to the library, tell them it had been ruined and pay the fine. The last book I read was Rope Burns by F.X. Toole. It contained the stories the awesome Million Dollar baby was based on. The book I'm reading at the moment is Freaky Deaky by Elmore Leonard. I gave up on it, went back to it and loving it now. My favourite author is Chuck Palahniuk. My favourite book is 1984 - Orwell had to have had a glimpse of this future, he HAD to.
18) The first video game I played was Space Invaders. My favourite video game is the Front Office Football series. (Where else can you sign a league MVP from a division rival (Davidson) to back up your perrenial Pro-Bowler (Grossredier) and then have the following season: Grossreider starts first 3 games, struggles, gets hurt. Davidson comes in, plays decently next 4, gets hurt. Grossreidier comes back. Plays next 2 awesomely (one win, one loss), gets hurt. Davidson comes back, posts perfect game, gets hurt. 3rd stringer (Terence Grainger - holy fuck I can't believe I remembered that - I traded Thurman Gaither to San Diego because I had Grainger. Then I picked up Davidson.) comes in, plays cack. Rush back Davidson, keep him rest of the season. He wins the rest - including Super Bowl. By far the most stressful gaming experience I've ever had (the injuries I had to deal with against a tight cap were insane) - which includes the stunning Tekken comback versus Macrae. How do you follow that up. Answer: you resign. Take job in New Orleans. Sign Thurman Gaither. Take Saints to NFC Championship. Sack the coach (who was the same coach I sacked when I took the Denver job - Jack McWilliams, he sucked.) Win 5 of next 8 Super Bowls before game corrupts and crashes. That's what you do, champ.)
19) My dream job would be to write professional wrestling while rich-as-flip and at my leisure. Seriously. Wrestling when done right is the best reason televisions were invented. Guys slugging the hell out of each other for a bloody good reason is insanely euphoric. You don't give a flip that it's not 'real' - it's the fight, the moment that enthralls and you're proud to be a fan of this scummy industry. When it's done otherwise it's embarrassing trash that you feel ashamed to invest time and money in when you could be snorting drugs off a stripper's tits.
20) Dating back to last year I am 13-1 in my last 14 NFL.com Fantasy Football matches. Yay-HOO fantasy footbal doesn't count. My secret to my success? Listen to Peter King when he talks about the Cowboys.
Jesus feeding peasents fish, that's twenty already. Tweak my tingle-tangle. What time is it... feh.
The following 4 are tagged.
Beautiful_Hatred (Hah remembered the underscore!)
Monstro (Hah, I'm thankful I didn't have to type Weirdomanson without looking at the keyboard. F'n hell. I've probably type 1,000,000 words and I still need to look at the keyboard while I type. Pitiful)
SweetIyvie (Hah, typed that without looking at the keyboard)
TheScottness (Hah, I almost typed ScottnessThe)
Would be five but Scagnetti gave up the ghost here long time hence. Criteria simple: The above were the first few friends I made on here and that are still here. Unlike me come December. I split like Hadjuk did once. Christ I'll ned to tell them they've been tagged. Ah fuck it, I'll do it tomorrow if you haven't already seen it by then.
I shall quickly reread this... done. Now I sleep like log.
Versitility!
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ok I'm kiding
you?