apologees

i work at a prison.

i love my work. partly because of the work, partly because of the people.

actually, i work a typical blue collar job. i sweat and they pay me. i pick up heavy things and they pay me. nothing much more than that.

i love it because i get paid to pick up heavy things and throw them off my truck. i get to drive around in all of these crazy backwoods places i would otherwise never get to see. i see trailers one week, the next week i see burnt spaces where trailers used to be, and where a quickie mart soon will be. flowers grow there. i push 1500 lb bundles of steel off my truck and hear them when they crash to the ground. mexicans work around the shit all day, and still they jump. i jump too, hoping i didnt kill anyone.

out of 20 people, i am one of 4 that hasnt done hard time. and by hard time, i mean i haven't spent more than 5 years in a pen. federal, state and county. and mostly hard time. and it is hard time. you can tell by the way the people conduct themselves--they watch themselves harder than you or i. and so i've learned to keep myself back. it isn't the walls that keep one in in a prison, it is the interaction between prisoners. it beats a person down, and so they cease to attempt to connect with anyone that doesnt have a desireable pussy. i have no diserable pussy, so connections are hard to come by.

jokes, sports--these are good. just watch yourself. i have taken this on myself as well. its a hardness that only those that know that life will see at a glance. but you can see it in them. i spend so much time with them, you can prolly see it in me, as well.

i have a wedding to go to tommorow, so you'll not hear from me 'till sunday or monday. wish me not getting arrested.