anything

my manifesto of the day.

the only difference between comedy and tragedy is the audience.

the three funniest moments ever:

1. The Zapruder Film

2. The moment on MTV's "Lamest videos of all time" when Janeane Garofalo drops character for a moment just to yell at someone "you are embarrasing me in front of my demo!"

3. The Beatles' entire career

P.S. Birthday in less...
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i buy most everything online. i have for years. I have since back in the days when there was no such thing as a shopping cart, you just had to send an email with the things you wanted and your credit card information. I have helped build countless online shopping carts, typically reinventing them from the ground up and adding a level of foresight that...
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i'm extra virgin olive oil.

life.

she is good.

over the last few days i've walked dozens of miles, taken lots of photos, spent the majority of my time with a girl whose profession is being a hot rock star, and redefined my living space.

thus far the only unsuccessful part is the last one. but that will change soon.

i should update my profile pic at some point, as...
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if you should see me wandering around off balance, bleary eyed and half awake, give me a knowing smile.

i'm living my dreams, and there's no time to do that when you're asleep.

some you will remember my ex-roommate. he's legendary for people being scared of him. he has strange facial hair, a rose tattoo going all over his body, and talks a lot of shit. people seem to have a problem realizing that it's just talk and are frightened quickly.

he is generally unemployable. not that he hasn't made efforts, but given his years on the planet,...
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*bzzt*

sorry, i don't have time for bitter in my life right now. try again later, when the world isn't busy falling in my lap and i've got the suplex down.

that's not conceited, right?

when i was younger, i would relive situations in my head, thinking about what i should have said, what i would have done, had i quicker response or bigger balls or less fear.

i still do that.

the difference is that now i realize that i'm re-enacting what did happen.

i don't think i have ever been more mellow in my life.

everything's kinda.. together, and about to fall apart. this is the calm before the storm, and i am enjoying it.

ever since i moved here, i've been pushing on a big rubber slingshot. and what i've discovered is that if other people think the slingshot is worthwhile, they will start pushing along with...
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i suppose i should know better by this point, but how do things like this happen?

alright, so today i made it to work, despite being sick, so i could make it to my annual review and find out what my bonus is going to be. due to some people not being able to do math, apparently they will be trying to screw me out of some. so i'm taking this to a higher authority. most likely your mom.

i managed...
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i am more differenter now than i was before.

i think i was too busy having fun splashing around in puddles to notice i got swept away in the undercurrent and i am now deep in the goblin king's lair.

and we are all doing the Magic Dance.

Dance, Magic Dance.