antiprincess

You know, the one thing divorce has ruined for me, for the time being at least, is the idea of "forever." I felt like that was the only fallout from my parents' divorce, that I didn't really think things, relationships especially, could last forever. I didn't feel that was necessary a bad thing, it was just the way things were. But when I started thinking about marriage with Peter, I decided to suspend my disbelief. Maybe things really could work...and then we all know how that turned out.

And here I am, wanting more than anything for the beautiful thing I found to last forever. And I am so terrified of saying the word. Commitment doesn't phase me, making plans for the future makes me happy. Even super crazy plans and shit. But that one idea, that one concept...it's frightening to me. Because I don't really believe in it, therefore to say it makes things seem less genuine somehow, if that makes sense. But, ya know, I want to believe.