I had a very vivid dream a few days ago. It was wonderous, but extremely saddening...
* * *
We were holding hands, laying on a soft, grassy hill, staring up at the starry night sky. We talked of everything and nothing, just relaxing, enjoying each other's company. And what company it was. I felt so at home, at peace, and yet so invigorated and alive. She was everything that I could ever want, and I had her, right by my side. The two of us had a hard time believing that we had found one another. The clouds rolled on through the sky, obscuring some of the stars for a while. We laughed. And as the night wore on, we curled up next to each other, and went to sleep.
I awoke the next day, cold, and alone, on a plain white bed, in a barren room. I knew that everything had been a dream, and I wanted to break down and cry, but could not find the tears. Eventually somebody came in, and asked me if I was ok. It was a girl that was supposed to be my girlfriend I think. I told her what I had dreamed, and she held me. I felt so hollow. After a long silence, she took my hand, and stood up, explaining to me that I should follow her outside. I stood up, and followed her up to a dark, wooden door.
As she opened the door, I was met with a cool ocean breeze. We were standing near the sea shore, near a long pier. She took my arm in hers, and said to me, "Would it make you happy for us to be like this for a while?" Before my eyes, she began to transform into Her, the girl that I had been stargazing with in my dreams. I looked at the ground, and shed a single tear. Returning her waiting gaze, I answered, "Yes, I think it will."
We walked along the pier, talking, as though no time had passed. The feeling of happiness returned. Things were perfect. And then I started to wake from my dream (the phone was ringing i think). As I felt the dreaming world slip away, I felt a terrible, sinking, sadness, and said to Her, "I will never forget you. I will come back for you, just please, please wait for me..." The phone stopped ringing. And I started to fall back into sleep... but to no avail. She was gone.
* * *
Having dreams within dreams... That's the first time in a while since that happened to me. And it was quite interesting, to say the least. All that I know for sure, is that the girl in my dream was the Other. I don't know why I know that, but I just woke up knowing it. And it made me want to cry. I don't want to dream of her anymore. It's too painful. Enough of my waking world is spent thinking of her, I hoped that I could avoid her in my dreams. But it's to no avail. She's always there.
In therapy, I told my group how I feel about talking to new people. That overwhelming fear that keeps me from saying, "Hello". It felt really good to get all of that off of my chest. Maybe it'll help make it easier to do something about it. Who knows. It's ridiculous that I should be this terrified of saying hello to the Other. It completely defies logic, and common sense. I mean, seriously, it's hillarious how inept I am. *sigh* Anyway, maybe I'll see her sometime, and we'll see what happens. I hate the future.
And I still hate fortune cookies.
* * *
We were holding hands, laying on a soft, grassy hill, staring up at the starry night sky. We talked of everything and nothing, just relaxing, enjoying each other's company. And what company it was. I felt so at home, at peace, and yet so invigorated and alive. She was everything that I could ever want, and I had her, right by my side. The two of us had a hard time believing that we had found one another. The clouds rolled on through the sky, obscuring some of the stars for a while. We laughed. And as the night wore on, we curled up next to each other, and went to sleep.
I awoke the next day, cold, and alone, on a plain white bed, in a barren room. I knew that everything had been a dream, and I wanted to break down and cry, but could not find the tears. Eventually somebody came in, and asked me if I was ok. It was a girl that was supposed to be my girlfriend I think. I told her what I had dreamed, and she held me. I felt so hollow. After a long silence, she took my hand, and stood up, explaining to me that I should follow her outside. I stood up, and followed her up to a dark, wooden door.
As she opened the door, I was met with a cool ocean breeze. We were standing near the sea shore, near a long pier. She took my arm in hers, and said to me, "Would it make you happy for us to be like this for a while?" Before my eyes, she began to transform into Her, the girl that I had been stargazing with in my dreams. I looked at the ground, and shed a single tear. Returning her waiting gaze, I answered, "Yes, I think it will."
We walked along the pier, talking, as though no time had passed. The feeling of happiness returned. Things were perfect. And then I started to wake from my dream (the phone was ringing i think). As I felt the dreaming world slip away, I felt a terrible, sinking, sadness, and said to Her, "I will never forget you. I will come back for you, just please, please wait for me..." The phone stopped ringing. And I started to fall back into sleep... but to no avail. She was gone.
* * *
Having dreams within dreams... That's the first time in a while since that happened to me. And it was quite interesting, to say the least. All that I know for sure, is that the girl in my dream was the Other. I don't know why I know that, but I just woke up knowing it. And it made me want to cry. I don't want to dream of her anymore. It's too painful. Enough of my waking world is spent thinking of her, I hoped that I could avoid her in my dreams. But it's to no avail. She's always there.
In therapy, I told my group how I feel about talking to new people. That overwhelming fear that keeps me from saying, "Hello". It felt really good to get all of that off of my chest. Maybe it'll help make it easier to do something about it. Who knows. It's ridiculous that I should be this terrified of saying hello to the Other. It completely defies logic, and common sense. I mean, seriously, it's hillarious how inept I am. *sigh* Anyway, maybe I'll see her sometime, and we'll see what happens. I hate the future.
And I still hate fortune cookies.
redwinterroses:
I thought about seeing one of those fakey psychic people (btw - she happens to drive an Escalade - lol) but then I didn't want to spend that kind of money on my own amusement. I think we should do something creative. what do you think?