Finally had a few hours all to myself to sit in a coffee shop and type all these blog posts.
I’ve had an incredible June, shortly to be followed by my 21st, and it 100% was the ‘experiences’ that made me happy but I couldn’t have had those without putting myself into some terrifying debt via the recent acquisition of a credit card.
A few girls have lately admitted to checking my Facebook/instagram daily and that is so super flattering but what is also terrifying is that they think it’s all peachy. The front we are able to put on via social media needs to be broken down from time to time.
At the risk of this post coming across as ‘crocodile teary’, I need y’all to know I’m not the most okay person in the world. My best friend Charley and I seem to have been dragged through the same shitty childhood and in an attempt to ‘better’ ourselves, have ended up living maxed out credit card to maxed out overdraft every month.
The worst experience being yesterday when I realised I couldn’t afford my car insurance this month. I called them to see if we could arrange late payment/alternate Direct Debit date as someone told me they’re pretty accommodating sometimes. The answer was no, and that they had the incorrect address on file. After they updated it, I was told the ammendment was going to cost me £100.94 and did I have the means to make the payment now? (If I’m calling to tell you I can’t pay my insurance of £100, why would I be able to pay this on top/instead?!)
She gave me 7 days to make the payment.
Then proceeded to burst into tears as I opened a letter from the government telling me I have underpaid this tax year by £90 and they need the payment in 7 days also.
At this point, I realise I am quite clearly in way over my head and resent the events that forced me to move out at 17.
After spending the morning sitting in my underwear eating blueberries, purchased on the credit card, I figure the only way to rid the empty pit feeling from my stomach is to go to a cafe and have a cup of tea. (Can you tell I’m English yet?). So I head to my old italian employer, sip my green tea in the sun and ask if they have any part time work going. The answer is yes and I start next week.
Lightest shoulders, I could nearly fly.
Back to being the girl that works 7 days a week, alongside a law degree and now 'modelling' too.
The main point of this dauntingly honest blog was just to remind everyone that largely, people choose their online presence and that things get shitty. The second point was that after such a self-loathing morning full of regrets, I needed to remind myself how consistently proud I should be of both myself and Charley. Rather than letting all of our emotions swallow us, we let them take hold for about a minute before shaking them off and just dealing with life.
But really, if anyone has any tips on ‘how to be a grown up’. Please send them to my e-mail: ellie-lester@hotmail.co.uk
