Contrary to popular belief, I am not in fact dead. I am however incredibly overworked at the moment and trying to be many things to many people which has just made me totally exhausted. On Friday I could barely get out of bed, and currently I am feeling quite sick, my head is on fire (I initially thought this was drink but nope) and I am sooo hot even though it is very cold. This is bad.
Last night I went out for a drink and had an ok time. I was very tired and when I am I find it difficult to worry about those awkward social norms. Not only did I do a good job of chatting up a lesbian (I say lesbian because when I got her by myself, she admitted actually being bi, which I thought strange, like an indication that if I wanted, she could be open minded). Secondly, because I was being my usual analytical self rather than trying to be ok socially, I spotted an interesting couple. They looked very loving, very sincere, but they were checking out other people in the club. I approached in my usually subtle way and asked if my analysis of their open relationship was correct, which unsurprisingly it was. We had a nice chat, they found me equally fascinating and I made a connection, which is unusual but again, nice. I thought he was better looking, but she was clearly in charge (this made him uncomfortable and he questioned it, but he was physically and emotionally seeking reassurance from her, which kind of vindicated my belief) and I would have slept with her, she was average looking but its extremely rare I connect with anybody so she seemed extra desirable. I got her number but then lost my phone (6 weeks after getting it) so I will have to get another one
I was dragged out last night though because I have been working extremely hard. I have been doing 74 hour weeks, 7 days a week for 5 weeks and I literally have not been out once and drank. Admittedly after that slog I had a long weekend with my submissive that came to stay with me. She is beginning to show her potential but my girlfriend was not impressed enough to fuck her, so I felt she and I had failed. Needless to say I am working her harder because the manners arent what they could be, and she hesitates sometimes (its nice to force occasionally, but its hard work, and I had had enough of that for over a month previously). However, she did very well when I took her anal virginity (I took the traditional one 6 weeks earlier) and I was so pleased I let her sleep in my bed as she is usually only allowed to sleep on the floor beside me.
Although this was meant to be relaxing, I did not get much rest and so I am increasingly feeling run down. I will be putting in for some extra tlc until the Easter Friday as I have not got another day off til then (I think its 19 in a row). I hope you read that o so subtle hint carefully Secretary
On the good side, I am absolutely loving my new job. The job itself is rewarding, partly because I have genuine responsibility because I have joined a 70 man company with modest turnover. My job is to improve margins, increase profits and tidy up a billing system, internal departmental audits and helping others do analysis when needed (my business objects skills and the fact I have permission to use our legendary senior technician to write fancy reports for me) has made me popular. As a small company, people wear many hats, and I almost feel guilty when I have a lunch break. That said though, the MD literally gives me pats on the back and seems very genuine. Its been his company for 30 years, and because I have been put as a bridge between finance and network services (who consist of two young lads) we are now known as the boys. We are kind of the link between all other departments, and I find I am actually more their supervisor than I am the creditor/debtor supervisor, which is my job spec. I am told they reward hard work and profit with generous rewards, and I have access financially so I can see our xmas bonus pot is looking pretty healthy after 3 months. Having worked in the NHS for 7 years (I am still working weekends there) I am use to only being called in to see my bosses when Ive done something wrong (or used initiative, which is always wrong in the NHS). Recently I got called in and congratulated, told I was settling in well and my boss had heard good things about me. Its always the little things work wise. Nice colleagues and appreciative, honest, demanding but realistic managers who lead by example. My girlfriend Secretary is currently not so happy with her job, and when I finish working 7 day weeks on 16/04/2010 I will help her with that. Until then, I hope she will not moan too much about it tbh, mainly because I have no sympathy when I am this tired.
She has gone away to be with her newly acquired lady friend. I have yet to hear anything, which I assume is a good thing. Although I do now feel smug because she hasnt text me (after moaning I didnt text her when I was enjoying my lady friend) and because Secretary literally NEVER puts down her god damn fricken phone when she is with me. Now that she has put it down to be with her, I expect she will remember that when she is with me she shouldnt be surfing erotic porn, however nice the ladies on SG are.
Sigh though; I have essentially abandoned my duel quest to be both Sir and Princess because I have decided it would be easier to go cold turkey than go through months of withdrawal for the odd bit of girly submission. I think what I need is a man. I am feeling increasingly confident about embracing my sexuality and when I get my weekends back I intend on finding one to fulfil my insatiable needs for the phallus. This should compliment my masochistic submissive and my loving submissive Secretary nicely, and hopefully lead to me restoring balance. I think I will just be me, rather than feminine. I love being a girl, but I love being a man. I read recently of Vikings androgyny and was really proud and impressed at how much shed embraced what she wanted. Although Id always enjoy being feminine and immersing myself in it, I think that, frankly, its an awful lot of work and dedication to be the pretty thing Id like to be, especially when I am pretty content being the relatively handsome, strong and alpha male man that I am.
Because of the current socio-economic climate in the UK the trade unions are also emphasising my dislike of groups. I dislike groups, because although they are formed to bring like minded people together, they always actually begin not on the premise on bringing like minded people together, but excluding differently minded people. They are not defensive but aggressive, self interested and dangerous. The greatest atrocities are always committed by groups, usually extremists who use coercion as soft power and violence as hard power. I think that is why I have joined few groups on SG and why I am really not bothered with any of them. I have had some nice debates with Mellon, ever the open minded optimist, and some of the scientists in maths/physics groups have taught me some things. But I always prefer to float between groups. I am not naive. I use groups pragmatically just as I use people. A modern Machiavelli indeed.
Yet as BAs cabin crew strike (despite being paid an average 29k a year for a moderately stressful, pretty easy job with average stability in a tough sector) and individuals customers suffer, I question who the unions represent beyond themselves. The industry has been savaged. BA has been squeezed by nationally supported carriers and cheap carriers and yet thousands of people will have their holidays ruined because of 60 million in savings, no actual wage cuts and minimal job cuts. Where is the proportionality? Look at Socialising Capital, a well argued book for some great examples of group selfishness. I can only imagine what will happen when BA has to look at pilots wages and its pension deficit more seriously (again, pilots who are paid 50-60% more than this countries average for the same job, a similar proportion to crew).
I understand we are social creatures. I enjoyed the night out and floating from group to group, all so obviously divided by one form or another of cultural capital. But belonging to groups are divisive, because at their hearts, individuals are not affirming their own beliefs, they are hostile and opposing others, and using the power of many to get their own way. Its a modern form of the tyranny of the majority, no wonder the likes of Plato and Mills were terrified of it, its genuinely scary. The easiest way to get something is to start up a group, find something a few people dislike and kazam! I think far right/left political parties are a fine example of this, and although comparing the WRVS to the BNP seems harsh, they both consist of individuals who have banded together to get/do what they want. Whether these aims are noble or not is superfluous. Our lusting of Democracy leads us blindly to the simple conclusion that majoritarianism must be correct because group x or party y has the most members and so can shout loudest.
Recently I have been wavering on just how much I wish to be outside of society. I dont belong in it but I have just discovered an easier way of making myself less sad and lonely! I am going to start a group, at first SG and Facebook and then who knows! I hate the way society is, and the greatest tragedy is that I see how it can be. There must be others out there, serious academics, psychopaths, libertarians and anarchists. I need a name for my group, any ideas? And then, just like a modern neo-Machiavelli, Pareto described, I myself will be part of the circulation of the elites. My group is based on one simple thing. Not to include those who want to improve society. But to exclude all those who dont agree with me and my members.
Last night I went out for a drink and had an ok time. I was very tired and when I am I find it difficult to worry about those awkward social norms. Not only did I do a good job of chatting up a lesbian (I say lesbian because when I got her by myself, she admitted actually being bi, which I thought strange, like an indication that if I wanted, she could be open minded). Secondly, because I was being my usual analytical self rather than trying to be ok socially, I spotted an interesting couple. They looked very loving, very sincere, but they were checking out other people in the club. I approached in my usually subtle way and asked if my analysis of their open relationship was correct, which unsurprisingly it was. We had a nice chat, they found me equally fascinating and I made a connection, which is unusual but again, nice. I thought he was better looking, but she was clearly in charge (this made him uncomfortable and he questioned it, but he was physically and emotionally seeking reassurance from her, which kind of vindicated my belief) and I would have slept with her, she was average looking but its extremely rare I connect with anybody so she seemed extra desirable. I got her number but then lost my phone (6 weeks after getting it) so I will have to get another one
I was dragged out last night though because I have been working extremely hard. I have been doing 74 hour weeks, 7 days a week for 5 weeks and I literally have not been out once and drank. Admittedly after that slog I had a long weekend with my submissive that came to stay with me. She is beginning to show her potential but my girlfriend was not impressed enough to fuck her, so I felt she and I had failed. Needless to say I am working her harder because the manners arent what they could be, and she hesitates sometimes (its nice to force occasionally, but its hard work, and I had had enough of that for over a month previously). However, she did very well when I took her anal virginity (I took the traditional one 6 weeks earlier) and I was so pleased I let her sleep in my bed as she is usually only allowed to sleep on the floor beside me.
Although this was meant to be relaxing, I did not get much rest and so I am increasingly feeling run down. I will be putting in for some extra tlc until the Easter Friday as I have not got another day off til then (I think its 19 in a row). I hope you read that o so subtle hint carefully Secretary
On the good side, I am absolutely loving my new job. The job itself is rewarding, partly because I have genuine responsibility because I have joined a 70 man company with modest turnover. My job is to improve margins, increase profits and tidy up a billing system, internal departmental audits and helping others do analysis when needed (my business objects skills and the fact I have permission to use our legendary senior technician to write fancy reports for me) has made me popular. As a small company, people wear many hats, and I almost feel guilty when I have a lunch break. That said though, the MD literally gives me pats on the back and seems very genuine. Its been his company for 30 years, and because I have been put as a bridge between finance and network services (who consist of two young lads) we are now known as the boys. We are kind of the link between all other departments, and I find I am actually more their supervisor than I am the creditor/debtor supervisor, which is my job spec. I am told they reward hard work and profit with generous rewards, and I have access financially so I can see our xmas bonus pot is looking pretty healthy after 3 months. Having worked in the NHS for 7 years (I am still working weekends there) I am use to only being called in to see my bosses when Ive done something wrong (or used initiative, which is always wrong in the NHS). Recently I got called in and congratulated, told I was settling in well and my boss had heard good things about me. Its always the little things work wise. Nice colleagues and appreciative, honest, demanding but realistic managers who lead by example. My girlfriend Secretary is currently not so happy with her job, and when I finish working 7 day weeks on 16/04/2010 I will help her with that. Until then, I hope she will not moan too much about it tbh, mainly because I have no sympathy when I am this tired.
She has gone away to be with her newly acquired lady friend. I have yet to hear anything, which I assume is a good thing. Although I do now feel smug because she hasnt text me (after moaning I didnt text her when I was enjoying my lady friend) and because Secretary literally NEVER puts down her god damn fricken phone when she is with me. Now that she has put it down to be with her, I expect she will remember that when she is with me she shouldnt be surfing erotic porn, however nice the ladies on SG are.
Sigh though; I have essentially abandoned my duel quest to be both Sir and Princess because I have decided it would be easier to go cold turkey than go through months of withdrawal for the odd bit of girly submission. I think what I need is a man. I am feeling increasingly confident about embracing my sexuality and when I get my weekends back I intend on finding one to fulfil my insatiable needs for the phallus. This should compliment my masochistic submissive and my loving submissive Secretary nicely, and hopefully lead to me restoring balance. I think I will just be me, rather than feminine. I love being a girl, but I love being a man. I read recently of Vikings androgyny and was really proud and impressed at how much shed embraced what she wanted. Although Id always enjoy being feminine and immersing myself in it, I think that, frankly, its an awful lot of work and dedication to be the pretty thing Id like to be, especially when I am pretty content being the relatively handsome, strong and alpha male man that I am.
Because of the current socio-economic climate in the UK the trade unions are also emphasising my dislike of groups. I dislike groups, because although they are formed to bring like minded people together, they always actually begin not on the premise on bringing like minded people together, but excluding differently minded people. They are not defensive but aggressive, self interested and dangerous. The greatest atrocities are always committed by groups, usually extremists who use coercion as soft power and violence as hard power. I think that is why I have joined few groups on SG and why I am really not bothered with any of them. I have had some nice debates with Mellon, ever the open minded optimist, and some of the scientists in maths/physics groups have taught me some things. But I always prefer to float between groups. I am not naive. I use groups pragmatically just as I use people. A modern Machiavelli indeed.
Yet as BAs cabin crew strike (despite being paid an average 29k a year for a moderately stressful, pretty easy job with average stability in a tough sector) and individuals customers suffer, I question who the unions represent beyond themselves. The industry has been savaged. BA has been squeezed by nationally supported carriers and cheap carriers and yet thousands of people will have their holidays ruined because of 60 million in savings, no actual wage cuts and minimal job cuts. Where is the proportionality? Look at Socialising Capital, a well argued book for some great examples of group selfishness. I can only imagine what will happen when BA has to look at pilots wages and its pension deficit more seriously (again, pilots who are paid 50-60% more than this countries average for the same job, a similar proportion to crew).
I understand we are social creatures. I enjoyed the night out and floating from group to group, all so obviously divided by one form or another of cultural capital. But belonging to groups are divisive, because at their hearts, individuals are not affirming their own beliefs, they are hostile and opposing others, and using the power of many to get their own way. Its a modern form of the tyranny of the majority, no wonder the likes of Plato and Mills were terrified of it, its genuinely scary. The easiest way to get something is to start up a group, find something a few people dislike and kazam! I think far right/left political parties are a fine example of this, and although comparing the WRVS to the BNP seems harsh, they both consist of individuals who have banded together to get/do what they want. Whether these aims are noble or not is superfluous. Our lusting of Democracy leads us blindly to the simple conclusion that majoritarianism must be correct because group x or party y has the most members and so can shout loudest.
Recently I have been wavering on just how much I wish to be outside of society. I dont belong in it but I have just discovered an easier way of making myself less sad and lonely! I am going to start a group, at first SG and Facebook and then who knows! I hate the way society is, and the greatest tragedy is that I see how it can be. There must be others out there, serious academics, psychopaths, libertarians and anarchists. I need a name for my group, any ideas? And then, just like a modern neo-Machiavelli, Pareto described, I myself will be part of the circulation of the elites. My group is based on one simple thing. Not to include those who want to improve society. But to exclude all those who dont agree with me and my members.
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