alyssa_the_hun

My Hormones Have Control of My Decision Making Skills (Another installment of the day in the life of Alyssa.)

I think my hormones are going nuts. Ive noticed that when Im physically attracted to someone, it really comes out in massive quantities, coursing through my veins like heroin or adrenaline would. So yesterday, Sunday, had to of been the most embarrassing (but actually, only embarrassing to myself probably) set of instances with the opposite sex. For instance:

The guy walking down the hallway at the mall:

Looked at the face second. Saw his height third. Noticed his build fourth. What I noticed first? No, not his package, but his FUCKING AMAZING JURASSIC PARK SHIRT! So Im about 30 yards away from the guy, carrying a bag of fries, two big macs, and an oversized coke (I still hate coke for killing India), eating as Im walking along, getting back to work. With my mouth fully loaded with hot, salty fries, I belt out, YO MAN! I start to notice everything else about this guy after the shirt and there went the hormones. I could smell his loveliness from there. A genuine cutie patoottie, if I do say. Then realized that I looked like a crazed little girl stuffing her face with shit all while screaming at a complete stranger. So then the embarrassment began. I finally get into close range of this guy, try to swallow the contents that remained in my mouth,; although I thought I had gone to far by harassing this random dude, I went ahead and grabbed his arm (which was an impressive, quite burly arm) and explained to him how I lust over his shirt and that I wanted to steal it from him. What was odd was in the back of my mind, the whole time, I thought of the easiest way to obtain that shirt. I got that, hey baby, you know what Im thinking cutesy face going. Best reaction to this: looked down, shrugged, and said, thanks? I did not make that happen. That was a very stupid way to hit on a complete stranger.

The guy behind the register at the Luke Oil:

I walk in to buy a pack of cigarettes after I got off work. There is a guy at the counter tending the register. At first Im believing hes just a regular guy, working the dead end job to get by. He was young, possibly my age, maybe fresh outta high school. I cant tell anymore. Many people look the same age after you reach 17. Anyway, he starts asking about my day and working in that god forsaken mall. We continue to exchange vulgar remarks about the vermin that infest shopping malls and it was wildly entertaining. Ask him how his day was. I get optimistic but honest responses, which is nice to hear for a change. That kid had me laughing (not that, haha Im laughing because I know you want me to! And I want you to shut up, as well laugh) about the most simple things, like Seinfeld conversations. He was tall, quite an inviting smile, and was just all around pleasing to the eyes. His wrist was all sewn up in a cast/splint. I didnt say anything to him about it. I probably should have. It would have given me reason to stick around and talk to him, see what hes about as opposed to a guy who works at the Luke Oil gas station. There were two thoughts running through my mind at that point: 1. Okay this guy works at a gas station. My ho bag, tribal tattoo fuck-up of a cousin works at a gas station. Im probably barking up the wrong tree. And 2. Hey Alyssa, see that pen there? You know that pack of matches he gave you? You should totally write your number in there and give him back the book of matches. That would be so hot. But waitno. You dont know this kid AT ALL. Maybe later. So I left it at that. Said my goodbyes, thanks for the good chat! And just walked out by saying, hope that wrist heals up well.

SeriouslyWhy random, jacked Jurassic Park kid? Why gas station clerk? THIS NEVER HAPPENS! I approach most people in the most asexual way usually, but not as of yesterday. Now Im looking for fresh meat. And apparently, I smell blood everywhere.

Hormones hormones hormones. You are so stupid.