allychanchan

Pardon my lateness, i have been too lazy to look up my SG login info. Lazy, or busy. They are interchangeable.

Okay.

* Code sucks. Far as I know they are phasing out Java from a lot of things.
* Boy 1 - Your desire to take care of things that are broken is something I know is hard to fight. We came from a pretty broken effed up place, both of us, and it's in our nature to find whats broken, give it hope and fix it. It's just one of those things. This boy, while cute and possibly a good kisser, does not even begin to match your own desire to progress in life. This is not a status thing, not a rich-snobbery thing, it is the ability to see awesome in yourself, to push yourself, to set goals and get there. You are about proving shit to yourself. Not giving a shit, dropping out of things, doing nothing, it's rot. You can help this boy without kissing. Trust me, while he is probably a lot of what you wish you could do right now (just fuckin give all this shit up and relax, get your turn to fuck off, etc. [and who would blame you?]) and may be a happy release, his issues would probably be toxic to you at this time. i wouldn't take it beyond kissing - just sounds like a trap. Being attracted to somebody is not a wedding ring, or even a fucking commitment, however - that does not mean that this person is not effecting you in some way. I think it would be better to say, I'm really attracted to you, you're a great friend, but I'm not ready to get in to a serious relationship. That kind of thing.
*Boy 2 - Give him a chance, you may or may not click. I would suggest DATING some boys before settling down again. Make them take you out and stuff. However I would like to interject that it is A LOT easier to handle a relationship and keep it healthy when your S.O. has motivation to match yours. A LOT. But do not settle.
You need a vacation. Also, a brain dump. Take a minute to write like.. I don't know a good-bye letter to all the things you don't need in your brain right now, and then let it go at that. Give yourself a break. Get out of town for even a few days, or take some days off work & school. Everyone NEEDS a mental health day or three. Give yourself some of your time. I know that it is super hard but it is 1000000 times better then making yourself sick and going crazy. Take it from me.

Hey - they did an MRI on my head for my migraines - "nothing is wrong" with me either. but i get sick. i've found it's easier to think about my days and keep them all together, think about what I did on that day and try to find a connection. I have a lot of connections - from eating enough / right to sugars to smells to stress to lady time... it's dumb. have you looked for connections? that is a good place to start, since the fancy computers don't help.

you know you are always welcome up here if you need a quiet place for a week. we are within 5 miles or so of downtown, 4 blocks from the zoo. it's good stuff.

chin up lady. you don't have to be upbeat or happy go lucky or on acid to be persistent and take good care of yourself.
love you

also if you want to catch up on what's going on up here in picture form: http://flickr.com/photos/azhben/

How about a guy that speaks a little german and russian? ;-)

catscans aint nothin. just ask for an open mri. granted the whole experience is strange either way, but the open mri is ... well.. open and you aren't in a tube.

you are strong. you will make it to 21 and 23 and 59 and all those. you will be okay, i know you will.

if you ever need someplace to go, i'm wayyyyy up here but i do have an extra room (the lizards and crafts are flexible ) how many years of school do you have left, anyway? seems like you've been doin' it forever!

i know how hard it is to be fucked by your friends and it ain't a fun situation to deal with. when i broke up with brett i lost basically ALL of my friends, when i moved out of lisa's i lost THE REST of my friends and now that larissa is gone i got like.. jeremy.. and maryam... and the dog. which ain't a bad list as far as quality goes, but damn if that ain't short on quantity. tugs a little at the mind, but it's all about finding happiness and hope where you can, and making that strong, right?

love you!

I am so sorry, dear. Grandma was up to work today and told me about this (yea, haven't been on the inet)

if you were close, then you have EVERY RIGHT to mourn. ignore those who say you don't.
and you two should be supporting each other! this is a loss for both of you (obviously) and not supporting each other is a good way to keep falling apart.

i heard you were coming up to visit your mom. please call me if you stop by in town, i would love to see you. i think it is good you are spending time with your mom. things that are tragic to us give us such an appreciation for what we've got. just remember to progress and keep moving and getting stronger.

remember, DO NOT feel guilty for grieving, it will only start a long cycle. do your grieving, let it process through you, like it does to every human being, and then move forward with new appreciations for what you still have and happy memories you will always have with you.

love you babe, stay strong.

A tragic story indeed and as stated above "DO NOT feel guilty for grieving" very much so holds true close or not when someone dies it impacts all those around that person even if you personally don't know the person... best wishes and best of luck , hope it all works out for you.

resistance is futile,

-=b

Lady you only have so much time in a day and stretching yourself so thin is never healthy. Be sure that you are doing things for YOU. If you stay focused on your goals and what you want then the little things won't get you down. If you like your job and you see it as something you can continue doing, or it's just bringing in the money, then lighten your class load. You will not be happy if you set the bar to the sky, and there is no shame in keeping things manageable. Calmly explain the facts to your 'rents, and ask your mentor if he has any ideas to help you 'plan' your time more efficiently. If you approach your problems with facts and ask for advice and stuff then it will be very hard to be upset with you.

I know you can do it, dearie. I know you will one day have a great line and be living well on underwear sales alone.

BTW, do you have a profile on etsy.com? If not, you should really get on there!

hey, keep the chin up comrade. if it gets too stressful, you can move to washington with me in a couple months. :-)

Move up here and take classes online and have fun!

DO NOT DO THAT FOR YOUR 21ST.

jeez that sounds lame.

love you keep your chin up

HEY YAY YOU ARE BACK! You look awesome, love the new glasses! Please stop by if you are around here! I miss you! We have a spare room now I am looking to put a futon and and a hide-a-bed so I have room!!!!!!!

<3

glad to hear you're ok, thanks for the happy birthday.
sorry to hear about your uncle - i didn't know if you were close but i'm sorry.
hope to hear from you sometime soon, or at least on a regular basis! love you, miss you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY I'M A LITTLE LATE BUT THE BUSY HAS BEEN DEADLY.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLIE LOVE YOU

punch them in the face?

if you aren't spending any time together and he doesn't seem to care then just counter by also not seeming to care and find busy things to do. then we he asks to see you say no that you are busy doing something or something is inconvenient and then he will really want to see you, hopefully, and then you will both be happy.

ya know, since explaining it in english doesn't work you're going to have to act like a vagina, as low as that can be.

love you!