Well I think it's time for a random update on life again. As it has been well stated over the last couple of months my life has been kinda shitty. To say the least. I've lost more than my fair share of friends and people who I thought cared about me. Come to find out I'm kinda an expendable asset. Sounds kinda like my military service all those years ago again >.>....Oh well an old friend came back into my life who I didn't think I would ever see again. She's helped me realize that I really am better than all that I've gone through and that I shouldn't have let it get me down to begin with. We are only human and regardless of my nickname I'm not really superman lol. I can break and I can fall and I can make mistakes. I'm not as strong as I was ten years ago where I could let things just bounce off of me and ignore all the pain and move on with life. I am getting up there where I want to settle down and make a life for myself and try and see where I can go with things. Hopefully I've become wiser with all that's happened in the last year but who knows. Just because you become older doesn't mean you always become wiser. I've realized that no matter how strong I am and I can still be broken down into little pieces and thrown to the wind. This last year of my life has been the most emotional I have ever been and honestly the most I've even shown people that I do have them. I've always come across as the hard non emotional type. Kinda how I was raised. There are a few who have always been able to read past the facade and know deep down how I truly feel regardless of what I show. Those people have some how managed to stay with me through this trying time and those friendships have grown stronger because of it. Honestly I'm not sure I would be here if it hadn't been for those few people. I'm one to always say put yourself before others and do what you believe to be right. And I've always kinda ignored that advice myself always putting others before myself. In my mind I was always strong enough to take on the world and other peoples problems and help them through trying times. Always giving with little regard to myself and my well being and more than a few times it has gotten me into trouble. Now I believe is the time to try and find a balance between the giving to others and taking care of myself. Hopefully people will understand that I will always be strong and willing to help with their problems but not at the expense of my mental and physical health. Well I think that I've rambled on enough hope all is well with everyone :)
