Why do I want to be a Suicide Girl?
Have you ever seen something so different you felt your heart beat so fast it felt like it was going to burst out of your chest? So amazed that your brain cant keep up with the mental thought process of what your seeing. Liking, craving, and wanting to know more of this unknown site your eyes have locked on?
That was the emotion I was over whelmed with the first time I saw tattoos, piercings, and colored hair. I was a very young child with my mother at the mall. As this beautiful woman walked passed me with her electric red hair that was styled long, and curly she reminded me of a real life Ariel from The Little Mermaid. As if that wasn't enough to capture my innocent eyes, I began to realize her face sparkled like diamonds, soon coming to realize, she DID have diamonds among her face. Complimented by the colorful art work that covered her body flowing piece by piece my young ignorant mind had never been exposed to this. I feel in love at first sight.
I want to be a suicide girl because since I can remember I have been different. Society is defined as relationships among groups:structured community of people: a structured community of people bound together by similar traditions, institutions, or nationality. In this society we are surrounded by things called norms which are defined as a standard, model, or pattern. When you combine the two it is simplified as a social norm which regulates a rule or standard of behavior shared by members of a social group.
With this said why is life so fucking complicated? Why did I get bullied for not having cool clothes while my single mom worked her ass off? Why did I get made fun of being over weight? Why didn't I go to prom? Why didn't I have a boyfriend growing up? Why is the boy who took my virginity someone I didn't love? According to society of the United States of America we have traditions and institutions that are supposed to model us as a community. We are structured to do things a certain way, live a certain way, talk, walk, eat, sleep. Fuck them. Who is this person who came up with what clothes make someone happy and popular. Who is this person that said big isn't beautiful? Who is this person that says all seniors go to prom? Who is this person that said boyfriends are cool? Who is this person to say virginity should be taken by a person you love?
I was a 247 pound pink haired, pierced 16 year old in high school. I wore chucks form goodwill, I rocked clothes that carried my weight well, I didn't go to prom even when I was asked, I didn't have a boyfriend because I was always the "cool pretty faced" friend, I lost my virginity to boy I didn't love because even with his touch I learned that at that age, you don't even know what love is. What I did know is I was happy! I had a lot of friends, supportive family, was educated and healthy. Fuck society and they're norms. I always have enjoyed being the underdog who took action. I love proving to people who thought I would fail that I don't need there asshole opinion.
I am now 23 year young and have made great accomplishments in my life time. I crave to learn, experience, share, and create more! Losing 120 pounds has open my world. I am the same girl I was walking through the mall. I am the same teen walking through school getting laughed at.
I am one human. I am one woman. I am one daughter. I am one friend. I am one sister. I stand in a group of those who live free and happy.
So why do I want to be a Suicide Girl? I want to be apart of a group of woman who know what its like. I want to be the face of a company who stands up for girls like me. I was always told Id never become a beautiful woman. I was always told I should dye my hair to get a job. I was told tattoos make you look trashy.
I want to be a Suicide Girl because I want to belong somewhere everyday. I want to look down at the world and say told you so. <3