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akasnuggles

Peoria

Member Since 2004

Followers 9 Following 10

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Thursday Aug 04, 2005

Aug 4, 2005
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Why is my answer to every insult or dirty propisition, "Nah, i'm straight?"
Is there something wrong with me?

I like being high. I can do anything highi can maneuver stairs and piss with only a modicum of fly problems. I can smoke less. I can drive (short) distances, write with, if not perfect grammar, my usual grammar, and find an appreciation for commercials that would otherwise piss me off. Also music. Pop-tinged-ego-music seems as a blessing to my ears when I'm high.
I like being high. I feel like i can do anything highand I'm not just saying that cos I'm high.

So depression or anxiety? Depression or anxiety? Anxiety or depression? Would you prefer depression or anxiety?
With anxiety you have that queasy-tingly feeling. Either too cold or too hot. Lightheadedness. General aches and pains. But there's always a hope of something better at the end.
With depression you feel there's little or no hope. Yr low and tired and just...fuck offright? But there's no queasiness, extreme temperatures, or aches and pains.
Hmm...?
See, i was blessed with an anxiety disorderi say blessed because, with all the worrying, i have no real chance to be depressed. Always anxious. Anxious about driving, anxious about the germs, anxious about work, anxious about being alone, anxious about being with others, anxious about new situationseven with close friends.
I could name a few.
My anxiety disorder comes from the amount of drugs my parents took whilst having me. My mother had, admittedly, taken a butt-load of acid, 'shrooms, pot, opium (the sticky brown stuff, not the powder stuff), and various other drugs of the era. I swear, i was high till 89-90, until i was 10 or 11. That's a ten year contact buzz from carrying joints person to person, sitting on smoking laps, and however many shotguns i was blown.
I mean, like a head wouldn't blow a kid a shotgun or two? Who hasnt been stoned, blowing smoke in a cat's face, dog's face, hamster/mouse/gerbil's, spider's, fly's, or moth's? I cant be alone here.
Anyway, I'm not mad at em, i dont blame my parents for me being fucked up. What i remember from my childhood is amazing. I remember music and friends and non-blood uncles and aunts, constant music and two parents that cared endlessly about me.
Always had time for me, always played with me, never let me down. And that's not something everyone could say.
So i have an anxiety disorder, i wouldnt change a second of what it resulted from.
Atleast i can see something great on the other side. Not everyone can say that.
And I'm not just saying that cos I'm high.

Boop.

Those are your shoes
These are my shoes
We've got issues
rephrased:
Anxiety is better.
Depression is fucking miserable. Which is probably why they call it depression, come to think of it.
Anyway, when you're depressed, you see no value in anything. Nothing make you happy nothing excites you, nothing motivates you. There were times when I was too depressed to masturbate. Now that's depression, son.
Aug 4, 2005
phoolsfire:
i get anxiety some times. it usually goes away with a few drinks, i get bouts of depression about every few months. and then everything is surreal. and that sucks.

so tell me about your lady frind and what not. confused and spaghettio's or hwatever.
Aug 5, 2005

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