This is gonna be a longish post. Bare with me...
It's also gonna be really, really perverse, so be warned...
My throat and balls hurt.
I wonder, is there a connection?
Im working on the second half of my second pack of cigarettes.
This is turning out to be the worst weekendever.
Well, maybe not ever, but the worst in a while.
The second of which Ive done nothing during. Nothing but hang out with the same lot of assholes.
Doing the same load of shit.
My Friday ended early Saturday morning. At 630am.
630am is my usual weekday time.
This is the second weekend in a row that weve done nothing.
But S has a cold, so I have to forgive him some.
I got a copy of Studio9Vegas Litebut I havent installed it yet. Ss comp is acting wonky.
Ill wait until after the reformat, thank you.
The most interesting thing from the weekend is that I got a porn catalogue.
Thats how bad this weekend has been.
Someone must love meIm on someones special mailing list.
I actually got it on, like, Wednesday, but it sat on the top of my garbage until Saturday morning.
At which point I though Porn isnt the answer..
Then I thought Well, I guess it depends on the question
If the question is: Where do you find experience deprived filmmakers, disillusioned actresses, and deluded starlets all in the same magazine?
Fangoria, of course.
But also in a porno catalogue.
Ohand People.
But, Whats the only industry that avidly supports the paraplegic, transsexual, dwarf population?
The Porn Industry, thats what.
So, I thought, Fuckit.
L and I used to read thru these things and poke fun at all the weird assed, sick shit.
Wed also go thru the Personal Ads in the back of porno mags and poke fun at that shit too.
You wanna see the apex of sexual deviancy, pick up a Hustler sometime, check out the personals
Anyway.
Lesbians Love Pussy!
I didnt know this before my catalogue pointed it out on page 2.
Till it schooled me.
Honestly, I thought they dug Pringles and green tea.
Thats how clueless I was.
Weird and Otherwise:
Exactly what function does an LED light in the head of a dildo serve?
Besides helping you look in your vagina to locate the other dildo you lost, I mean.
Its not like youll find your soul up there.
Youre gonna need atleast two dildos, a mirror, and the Jaws of Life to find that.
Whilst youre up there, look for your dignity, I doubt youll find it after that Florida debacle. (Thank you, Girls Gone Wild!)
It might serve some aesthetic purpose, I suppose. You can keep it right out on the coffee table, next to the orchids or something.
You could use it for ambient lighting.
Another possibility is so that your lover can see what theyre doing in the dark.
But, ladies, is that really what you wanna see in the height of passion? Your lover creepily gawking between your legs, poorly lit in a bent orange of the light in the dildo.
Masturbation to the sound of whirling and that strange zzZZZZzzzZZZZZZzzz sound.
Heavy breathing.
I say orange because I think its the only color offered.
Atleast they dont specify an Also Available in list, and the only model shown is orange.
It would be kinda cool, though, the strobe effect one would achieve whilst using it.
Then again, someone could get hurt.
Specially in the dark.
Because someone like me, Id get working on my lover and notice strobe effect and completely forget what I was doing.
Id try and make the light flash faster.
Im not saying the Jelly Swan Clitoral Vibe isnt sufficientlyerrjelly. Im just sayingin the dark, distracted, one might forget what they were doing, might not see The End of the Line, as it were.
And, really, theres a thin line between experimental, strobey, masturbatory fun and reckless clitoral abuse.
Im just saying
An odd question: Whats the customary wash etiquette for a Magic Flesh Mini Slut?
In other words, how often does one have to wash a pocket pussy?
One would assume after every use, but after guys areerrdone, we get a bit lethargic.
That might be too much work.
Id presume that wearing a condom would cut down on the cleanup, but Id also presume that the Mini Slut isnt self lubricating.
So lube is needed.
So, really, the condom isnt necessary.
Its a liberty reserved for loaning it out.
Or buying one second-hand
Either way, my original query remainsHow often do you wash one?
The G-Spot Vibe is nearly the same as the Long Neck Gerbil.
Essentially the same
The only difference I see is that the Gerbil has a longer handleand the obligatory pervasive nickname.
Was the Uber-Fisting Fudge-Packer copyrighted?
Is Fudge-Packer a hyphenate?
I need to get current on my derogatory terms.
Eer
Wow, I can get Janines first Boy-Girl scene ever!
who the fuck is Janine?
And, besides the obvious, why should I care about her partner preferences?
LOLMidgets Love Sex Too
Theres no punctuation in the copy, but Im imagining a Dot, Dot, Dot, Exclamation Point.
Put this in the Leaned Stuff From A Porn Catalogue list.
Right under Lesbians Love Pussy!
Ahem
Stand Up And Get Double-Fucked!
Yeah. Im fine, thanks.
Sounds kinda like a threat, huh?
If I didnt know anyone with the fetish, Id think that the Pregnant Woman market was a fringe one.
What kind of worthless skank subjects herself to that?
What kind of desperate, drug-addled woman subjects their unborn child to that?
Are there women trying to get knocked up just to fill this slot?
Is that their bread and butter?
The Pregnant Fuck fetish genre.
Or is it the last bastion of the faltering Porn-Goddess?
Im married, now, and Im gonna have a childbut not before I give my fans one last bugger!
Thats dedication, Im telling ya.
Or is it the bottom-rung hos?
The chicks that would be doing DVDA Trailer-Trash shite, but got knocked up off the cum-shot of the last cross-eyed midget in Circus Midget Gang-Bang 12 (definitively the best of the series, if I may say so)?
Is she just making the best of a bad situation or is she exploiting her unborn child?
I mean, isnt that child exploitation?
Just a little, maybe?
Wheres a republican when you need one
Fucked By A Robot.
Who needs a man when youve got anamatronics, puppeteers, and a pulley?
I guess it is the 21st century, after all.
And not to burst the writer/director/producer/prop masters bubble, but since the advent of the vacuum cleaner, men have had this genre filled.
Curious guys invented this genre.
But I guess thats just not engaging porna dude sitting on the couch with the extension sleeve settled on his winky, that ghastly sucking-fart sound.
Youll need a pretty interesting soundtrack to make that work.
Even then, the discernable viewer might get bored before they get aroused
But, again, the question arisesHow often do you clean it?
Or, change the bag, for that matter.
1-800-771-MOAN (6626)
Give me a call and let me and my 8 inch, pink rubber strap on take control!
I wish you could see the look on the dudes face in the picture.
Its one of surprise.
One of Arrrgh?
Ive gotta check the rules and regulations of SG, see if I can post some of this shit, its funnier thanwell, than it sounds, prolly.
You know what they say: A picture is worth
See, check this guys expression
and compare it to this guys. Same number, same concept. Read the copyits awfully threatening, dont you think? Youre Next!
That copy goes more with the previous ad than with this one.
Im not legal expert, but this has gotta be illegal.
Atleast up north.
But it does explain her porn moniker, Bubbles (Cheap Joke, I know)
The copy here just makes me giggle uncontrollably
I know the couple are supposed to be amazed, in awe of how large the dudes cock got, but, honestly, they look more shocked and horrified.
Scared, as if theyre being attacked:
Stay back, buddy! Dont make me hurt ya!Ok, take me, but let the lady go! errr.
This lady looks more surprised about the camera than about the excruciatingly large phallus standing in front of her.
Slightly off subject, I used to have nightmares about having a long cockerr a longer cock, extremely longer, very much morethan I am.err.
And thin, like pencil thin.
Anyway, back to the pics
I guess the gigantic wanky finished off the couple from above and wasnt satisfied. The terror continues, the body count grows.
Thisthis is just.
Ick
Im guessing this is some male fetish, much like the Pregnant thing.
I dont get it.
Chalk it up with Red Bull, I guess.
It's also gonna be really, really perverse, so be warned...
My throat and balls hurt.
I wonder, is there a connection?
Im working on the second half of my second pack of cigarettes.
This is turning out to be the worst weekendever.
Well, maybe not ever, but the worst in a while.
The second of which Ive done nothing during. Nothing but hang out with the same lot of assholes.
Doing the same load of shit.
My Friday ended early Saturday morning. At 630am.
630am is my usual weekday time.
This is the second weekend in a row that weve done nothing.
But S has a cold, so I have to forgive him some.
I got a copy of Studio9Vegas Litebut I havent installed it yet. Ss comp is acting wonky.
Ill wait until after the reformat, thank you.
The most interesting thing from the weekend is that I got a porn catalogue.
Thats how bad this weekend has been.
Someone must love meIm on someones special mailing list.
I actually got it on, like, Wednesday, but it sat on the top of my garbage until Saturday morning.
At which point I though Porn isnt the answer..
Then I thought Well, I guess it depends on the question
If the question is: Where do you find experience deprived filmmakers, disillusioned actresses, and deluded starlets all in the same magazine?
Fangoria, of course.
But also in a porno catalogue.
Ohand People.
But, Whats the only industry that avidly supports the paraplegic, transsexual, dwarf population?
The Porn Industry, thats what.
So, I thought, Fuckit.
L and I used to read thru these things and poke fun at all the weird assed, sick shit.
Wed also go thru the Personal Ads in the back of porno mags and poke fun at that shit too.
You wanna see the apex of sexual deviancy, pick up a Hustler sometime, check out the personals
Anyway.
Lesbians Love Pussy!
I didnt know this before my catalogue pointed it out on page 2.
Till it schooled me.
Honestly, I thought they dug Pringles and green tea.
Thats how clueless I was.
Weird and Otherwise:
Exactly what function does an LED light in the head of a dildo serve?
Besides helping you look in your vagina to locate the other dildo you lost, I mean.
Its not like youll find your soul up there.
Youre gonna need atleast two dildos, a mirror, and the Jaws of Life to find that.
Whilst youre up there, look for your dignity, I doubt youll find it after that Florida debacle. (Thank you, Girls Gone Wild!)
It might serve some aesthetic purpose, I suppose. You can keep it right out on the coffee table, next to the orchids or something.
You could use it for ambient lighting.
Another possibility is so that your lover can see what theyre doing in the dark.
But, ladies, is that really what you wanna see in the height of passion? Your lover creepily gawking between your legs, poorly lit in a bent orange of the light in the dildo.
Masturbation to the sound of whirling and that strange zzZZZZzzzZZZZZZzzz sound.
Heavy breathing.
I say orange because I think its the only color offered.
Atleast they dont specify an Also Available in list, and the only model shown is orange.
It would be kinda cool, though, the strobe effect one would achieve whilst using it.
Then again, someone could get hurt.
Specially in the dark.
Because someone like me, Id get working on my lover and notice strobe effect and completely forget what I was doing.
Id try and make the light flash faster.
Im not saying the Jelly Swan Clitoral Vibe isnt sufficientlyerrjelly. Im just sayingin the dark, distracted, one might forget what they were doing, might not see The End of the Line, as it were.
And, really, theres a thin line between experimental, strobey, masturbatory fun and reckless clitoral abuse.
Im just saying
An odd question: Whats the customary wash etiquette for a Magic Flesh Mini Slut?
In other words, how often does one have to wash a pocket pussy?
One would assume after every use, but after guys areerrdone, we get a bit lethargic.
That might be too much work.
Id presume that wearing a condom would cut down on the cleanup, but Id also presume that the Mini Slut isnt self lubricating.
So lube is needed.
So, really, the condom isnt necessary.
Its a liberty reserved for loaning it out.
Or buying one second-hand
Either way, my original query remainsHow often do you wash one?
The G-Spot Vibe is nearly the same as the Long Neck Gerbil.
Essentially the same
The only difference I see is that the Gerbil has a longer handleand the obligatory pervasive nickname.
Was the Uber-Fisting Fudge-Packer copyrighted?
Is Fudge-Packer a hyphenate?
I need to get current on my derogatory terms.
Eer
Wow, I can get Janines first Boy-Girl scene ever!
who the fuck is Janine?
And, besides the obvious, why should I care about her partner preferences?
LOLMidgets Love Sex Too
Theres no punctuation in the copy, but Im imagining a Dot, Dot, Dot, Exclamation Point.
Put this in the Leaned Stuff From A Porn Catalogue list.
Right under Lesbians Love Pussy!
Ahem
Stand Up And Get Double-Fucked!
Yeah. Im fine, thanks.
Sounds kinda like a threat, huh?
If I didnt know anyone with the fetish, Id think that the Pregnant Woman market was a fringe one.
What kind of worthless skank subjects herself to that?
What kind of desperate, drug-addled woman subjects their unborn child to that?
Are there women trying to get knocked up just to fill this slot?
Is that their bread and butter?
The Pregnant Fuck fetish genre.
Or is it the last bastion of the faltering Porn-Goddess?
Im married, now, and Im gonna have a childbut not before I give my fans one last bugger!
Thats dedication, Im telling ya.
Or is it the bottom-rung hos?
The chicks that would be doing DVDA Trailer-Trash shite, but got knocked up off the cum-shot of the last cross-eyed midget in Circus Midget Gang-Bang 12 (definitively the best of the series, if I may say so)?
Is she just making the best of a bad situation or is she exploiting her unborn child?
I mean, isnt that child exploitation?
Just a little, maybe?
Wheres a republican when you need one
Fucked By A Robot.
Who needs a man when youve got anamatronics, puppeteers, and a pulley?
I guess it is the 21st century, after all.
And not to burst the writer/director/producer/prop masters bubble, but since the advent of the vacuum cleaner, men have had this genre filled.
Curious guys invented this genre.
But I guess thats just not engaging porna dude sitting on the couch with the extension sleeve settled on his winky, that ghastly sucking-fart sound.
Youll need a pretty interesting soundtrack to make that work.
Even then, the discernable viewer might get bored before they get aroused
But, again, the question arisesHow often do you clean it?
Or, change the bag, for that matter.
1-800-771-MOAN (6626)
Give me a call and let me and my 8 inch, pink rubber strap on take control!
I wish you could see the look on the dudes face in the picture.
Its one of surprise.
One of Arrrgh?
Ive gotta check the rules and regulations of SG, see if I can post some of this shit, its funnier thanwell, than it sounds, prolly.
You know what they say: A picture is worth
See, check this guys expression
and compare it to this guys. Same number, same concept. Read the copyits awfully threatening, dont you think? Youre Next!
That copy goes more with the previous ad than with this one.
Im not legal expert, but this has gotta be illegal.
Atleast up north.
But it does explain her porn moniker, Bubbles (Cheap Joke, I know)
The copy here just makes me giggle uncontrollably
I know the couple are supposed to be amazed, in awe of how large the dudes cock got, but, honestly, they look more shocked and horrified.
Scared, as if theyre being attacked:
Stay back, buddy! Dont make me hurt ya!Ok, take me, but let the lady go! errr.
This lady looks more surprised about the camera than about the excruciatingly large phallus standing in front of her.
Slightly off subject, I used to have nightmares about having a long cockerr a longer cock, extremely longer, very much morethan I am.err.
And thin, like pencil thin.
Anyway, back to the pics
I guess the gigantic wanky finished off the couple from above and wasnt satisfied. The terror continues, the body count grows.
Thisthis is just.
Ick
Im guessing this is some male fetish, much like the Pregnant thing.
I dont get it.
Chalk it up with Red Bull, I guess.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
....AMEN!!!!
thak you for speaking out aginst this true crime aginst nature...lol
But yeah, that the one, although all homophobia asside Will Smith does an excellent job. I saw "Six Degrees" on stage a couple years ago, & this was at the Guthrie, mind you, and that presentation wasn't as good as the film. Film seldom beats stage, imo. But there you are.
I'm glad your paradigm is one that can appreciate the use of said word. Chuckle.