I have an obsession with being real. I dont like sounding or acting fakeunless i'm making a point about being fake.
I also have a bad habit of over-clarification when, really, i should just let things drop.
But, more so, i dont like seeming fake. I dont like feeling as though i should impress anyone. I feel this way so much that after a shower, after i get my hair looking perfectwhen it's dryi fuck it up. You know you're fake when you try so hard not to be.
As well, i dont join in conversations that dont concern menot because i dont have shit to say, but rather i dont want to seem eager to talk about my own shit. I dont want to be taken as selfish, and i dont really think my shit is all that interesting.
I cant talk about making films because i havent made one yet, and the film shit that i do do isnt that impressive. I mean, hell yeah i'd like to talk about shots that i like, scenes that i'm planning, chararacter development and fucking dialoguebut who fucking cares? It's sounds unnaturalso self-serving, and pretentious.
I dont talk about the people i dont hang out with anymore, dont talk about ex-lovers. Not unless it's compare and contrast timeand most of the time, not even then. I've never gone through a bad break up. I've never been incredibly broken hearted over someone. I've never really been in love.
Probably because i cant talk to people, intimately, one on one.
Probably because i cant talk about myself without feeling like i'm trying to impress whoever i'm talking to.
So that's not interesting.
I cant talk about work without bitching, cant talk about my friends without bitchingwhat i'm left with is whatever i can come up with for a response to whatever the other person's said.
I dont talk about my family for obvious reasons.
The only genuine way i can think of to work my own life into a conversation is if there's a segue.
Or if I'm asked specifically about something.
Seriously, ask me to start a conversation or to tell a standing story or to talk about something personal. I'll either pick something non-revealing or something about good ol' Sammy.
I am so fucking fake.
And that's how that goes. So, now, instead of people thinking i'm fake, people think i'm anti-social and standoffish.
I am a fucking alien.
That's right, i'm an alien. I've kept this secret as long as i could. I couldnt take the pressureyou've cracked me.
Congratulations.
My last post i mentioned that i wished i'd follow my instincts more. After careful consideration i've come to the conclusion that that's bullshit. I stopped following my instincts because my instincts are foul and get my into trouble. I've come a long way without using them, and, damnit, now is not the time to start.
Fuck instincts.
I also have a bad habit of over-clarification when, really, i should just let things drop.
But, more so, i dont like seeming fake. I dont like feeling as though i should impress anyone. I feel this way so much that after a shower, after i get my hair looking perfectwhen it's dryi fuck it up. You know you're fake when you try so hard not to be.
As well, i dont join in conversations that dont concern menot because i dont have shit to say, but rather i dont want to seem eager to talk about my own shit. I dont want to be taken as selfish, and i dont really think my shit is all that interesting.
I cant talk about making films because i havent made one yet, and the film shit that i do do isnt that impressive. I mean, hell yeah i'd like to talk about shots that i like, scenes that i'm planning, chararacter development and fucking dialoguebut who fucking cares? It's sounds unnaturalso self-serving, and pretentious.
I dont talk about the people i dont hang out with anymore, dont talk about ex-lovers. Not unless it's compare and contrast timeand most of the time, not even then. I've never gone through a bad break up. I've never been incredibly broken hearted over someone. I've never really been in love.
Probably because i cant talk to people, intimately, one on one.
Probably because i cant talk about myself without feeling like i'm trying to impress whoever i'm talking to.
So that's not interesting.
I cant talk about work without bitching, cant talk about my friends without bitchingwhat i'm left with is whatever i can come up with for a response to whatever the other person's said.
I dont talk about my family for obvious reasons.
The only genuine way i can think of to work my own life into a conversation is if there's a segue.
Or if I'm asked specifically about something.
Seriously, ask me to start a conversation or to tell a standing story or to talk about something personal. I'll either pick something non-revealing or something about good ol' Sammy.
I am so fucking fake.
And that's how that goes. So, now, instead of people thinking i'm fake, people think i'm anti-social and standoffish.
I am a fucking alien.
That's right, i'm an alien. I've kept this secret as long as i could. I couldnt take the pressureyou've cracked me.
Congratulations.
My last post i mentioned that i wished i'd follow my instincts more. After careful consideration i've come to the conclusion that that's bullshit. I stopped following my instincts because my instincts are foul and get my into trouble. I've come a long way without using them, and, damnit, now is not the time to start.
Fuck instincts.