afterbirth

Monday April 8, 1985, 12:20 am

Things are a little better now. I had 2 peanut butter sandwiches and Jess is letting me sleep in her room on Lori's bed. Wow. A fuckin' bed. I'm so fucken stoked. Now I have somebody to talk to, but she's doing a paper and I'm doing this. Rachel isn't home yet. I haven't seen John. I played pool with Yosh. Jess and me are talking about sex n other fun stuff right now. I talked to Juanita [my ex-girlfiend to whom I was very mean] and I'm thinking a little more about moving to Boston this summer. I have a couple of friends there now. I don't know though, it might be a little rough living with Juanita now.

You know what would absolutely kill me? If Wendy went out with Jay. Don't ask me why, but I think it might happen. Enough of that. Juanita's going to send me money. Ma's going to send me some too. I won't have much, but at least I'll have SOME.

Marcie [my step-mother]'s mother died. That's kind of depressing. It makes me think about death that much more. I may not have ever met her, but she was part of my life. I used to hear about her all the time. I think I've even eaten food she'd made. Weird or what?

Now that Jess has left the room I feel really bad again. I wonder what's the matter with me. I rely on people too much. I can't survive on my own. I need constant companionship. I don't give a fuck about privacy. I'd rather have 6 roommates than have a room all to myself. Well maybe not, but at least I'd want to share an apartment with a bunch of people. Hardly anything's worth doing unless a whole bunch of people are around to share the experience. That's how I know I'll never be alcoholic. There is no point in getting drunk for it's own sake, only in doing it with your friends.