Last night my thoughts went something like this:
'What is it about Rock that when it's good it's just so ...so....GOOD?'
This thought brought on by a GOOD show by B.R.M.C., was unfortunately followed by:
'Why the fuck does my ex and his new girl friend always have to come and cuddle/stand within 10 feet of me at EVERY damn show?'
So then I'm stuck watching them. Because once I know where they are - well, I can't help but keep on eye on them. I guess I should leave, go to another part of the club, but damn it I had fought off short drunks bumping into me and 6'7" guys with really big hair wanting to stand in front of me. I had outlasted the barely 21 year old girls who only stopped talking to each other long enough to talk on their cell phones -probably still to each other.
IT WAS MY SPOT. I WAS THERE FIRST. I wasn't going to slink off to the back and give up my view and easy access to the bar.
Nope, I was going to hold my ground. Hold my ground and watch them. Hold my ground and think how we together were never like them. Hold my ground knowing that all those years, I had said to him that I didn't feel like I was The One for him, I had been right.
I'm not jealous. I'm not. I'm the one who left. I left because someone showed me how good and easy love could be. I'm just sad because my next thought was:
'I wasted fifteen years of my life.'
That was the first time I really have felt that - the loss of all that time when I knew it wasn't working but we just kept at it.
However, I'm good at controlling my thoughts and by the time I got home and in bed, I had managed to get back to thinking:
'Everything leads up to today. And today is good. And just what is it that makes really good Rock just so....so... GOOD?'
_______________________________________________
Today is my mother's birthday. She would be 75. Happy Birthday. I miss you.
It is also the three year anniversary of our little easy quick painless war. So I'm going to a protest downtown. Then my kids need some new clothes so we are going to the mall. I feel so quintessentially American.
'What is it about Rock that when it's good it's just so ...so....GOOD?'
This thought brought on by a GOOD show by B.R.M.C., was unfortunately followed by:
'Why the fuck does my ex and his new girl friend always have to come and cuddle/stand within 10 feet of me at EVERY damn show?'
So then I'm stuck watching them. Because once I know where they are - well, I can't help but keep on eye on them. I guess I should leave, go to another part of the club, but damn it I had fought off short drunks bumping into me and 6'7" guys with really big hair wanting to stand in front of me. I had outlasted the barely 21 year old girls who only stopped talking to each other long enough to talk on their cell phones -probably still to each other.
IT WAS MY SPOT. I WAS THERE FIRST. I wasn't going to slink off to the back and give up my view and easy access to the bar.
Nope, I was going to hold my ground. Hold my ground and watch them. Hold my ground and think how we together were never like them. Hold my ground knowing that all those years, I had said to him that I didn't feel like I was The One for him, I had been right.
I'm not jealous. I'm not. I'm the one who left. I left because someone showed me how good and easy love could be. I'm just sad because my next thought was:
'I wasted fifteen years of my life.'
That was the first time I really have felt that - the loss of all that time when I knew it wasn't working but we just kept at it.
However, I'm good at controlling my thoughts and by the time I got home and in bed, I had managed to get back to thinking:
'Everything leads up to today. And today is good. And just what is it that makes really good Rock just so....so... GOOD?'
_______________________________________________
Today is my mother's birthday. She would be 75. Happy Birthday. I miss you.
It is also the three year anniversary of our little easy quick painless war. So I'm going to a protest downtown. Then my kids need some new clothes so we are going to the mall. I feel so quintessentially American.
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Ha ha ha! Now THAT is funny!